so yesterday i got a text and a phone call from two different people who were concerned something was terribly wrong in my world because i wasn’t online at all. how’s that for funny? i don’t post for a day and people think i got hit by bus. awesome.
well, i didn’t get hit by a bus. i got hit by the need to install a refrigerator, clean my house and pick my my parents up from the airport as a surprise for my kids. by the time i remembered it was Monday and i was suppose to post a blog, it was three in the afternoon.
sorry. sort of. here we go.
So, I’ve got a question that I’m hoping you can help me with.
A guy friend of mine recently got engaged. To a girl he’s been dating for 2 months. For 2 weeks of those 2 months, he was in Africa, while she was still in the states. He only just met the girl 3 months ago. She is recently saved, he’s been saved his entire life. To top it all off, this is his first girlfriend, ever. Now, I’m not saying that they’re not compatible and that this relationship is for sure doomed to fail, but it sure seems like they’re asking for a lot of problems, starting a marriage without any foundation. Do I say anything? None of his guy friends are willing too, because they get that he’s in the puppy love stage, and don’t want to ruin that for him (Chickens). He’s not a complete idiot, so he may actually know that this is crazy, but who knows?
I’d love your thoughts on this!
Worried for my friend in puppy love
P.S. I’m not at all asking this because I’m interested in the guy. Glad we cleared that up.
holy rush to the alter, Batman! does this all seem like a recipe for disaster and completely puh-sycho? yes. yes, it does.
and thanks for clarifying that you’re totally not into him and have no ulterior motives what-so-ever.
should you say something? i certainly would. however, what you say is the key…and how you say it is even more importanter.
you have to make sure when you approach him, that your motives are pure. if they aren’t, you will do more harm than good. people may not consciously know what you’re trying not to convey, but it’s there none-the-less. he will pick up on it and it will strengthen his resolve to be insane.
here’s some dos and don’ts:
1. do tell him you’re his friend. and as such, you don’t feel like you’d be a very good friend if you didn’t voice your concerns.
2. do not tell him to not go through with it. pride is very strange thing. people will knowingly throw themselves off a cliff if they think it’s a matter of pride.
3. do tell him to seek wise counsel. encourage him to speak to someone he respects. maybe even just ask him if he’s in premarital counseling. if he’s not, he needs to be.
4. do not judge him. again, people can become more resolved to do the wrong thing if they think they are under the microscope. don’t give him any reason to think he has something to prove. danger, Will Robinson!
5. do back off. say what needs to be said, then let it go. assure him again that you are his friend and available if he needs to bounce anything off you, then step back.
there’s a good chance if you say something, he will talk to someone else about what you said. there’s also a pretty good chance that person will back you up. just be prepared to be the bad guy initially. that could happen. however, that should never be a reason for you to not do the right thing. somebody has to start the conversation. somebody has to give others the courage to say something, it may as well be you.
what would you guys do if this were your friend?