16 is my lucky number. although i’m not sure that is going to help me today…
I was in the process of answering the question– “ladies, what do you to try to stand out in a group? or do you do anything at all?”, and all of the below happened. I thought I’d send it to you in letter form instead.
I don’t do anything to try and stand out. I don’t necessarily do anything to try and blend in, but I honestly don’t feel like I can live up to the competition. I see girls of all shapes and sizes get noticed, and I wonder what makes me not get noticed. Maybe the fact that I am uncomfortable in my body really does shine through. I try to act like it doesn’t bother me. I have medical and personal issues that have caused me to gain weight over the past few years, and I have been rejected by doctors who call me fat and lazy or have been asked to pay obscene amounts of money for holistic doctors. I’m still trying to find help, but in the meantime, I feel gross.
I see girls who are similar to me find love or get noticed, and I wonder why not me? It doesn’t help that I am the only “young adult” single in my church who actually serves the church (there’s a guy who’s cute, a couple of years younger, but I don’t know him at all. He comes most Sundays, but that’s it.). I didn’t mean for that to sound like I am bragging, but I want someone who won’t use the church for their own personal gain and not give back. It also doesn’t help that said single guy has been coming to the church for about a year, has barely talked to me despite my attempts to talk to him, and suddenly become chatty Cathy when tall, beautiful single girl visits the church. WTHeck single guy?
The answer is not find a church with a “thriving” singles ministry. Been there, done that. Felt like I was watching the Dating Game while being told “give it all to God and Mr. Right WILL come along.” I call BS. I want to get closer to Jesus, and it seems the only way I have been able to do that is to avoid singles ministries. Whoa. I honestly didn’t mean to sound all high and mighty. I’m just worn out.
I’m tired of being the nice and goofy one. Well, not really, but I want to be nice and goofy and lovable and loved one.
Not fat and lazy but sick and tired of being sick and tired (and sometimes of being single)
first of all, yeah! WTHeck, Single Guy? as i’m constantly reminding myself, i’m not God; so i can’t just rename someone at will, but as far as i’m concerned, Single Guy will now always be thought of as Schmuck Boy. being friendly shouldn’t be reserved for hot chicks.
anyway, to the rest of your question…i’m afraid i don’t have a practical, witty epiphany for it that will make everything right. but golly! i wish i did, because you are certainly not alone. many of my readers have expressed this same frustration you have. for some it can mean switching churches. i go over places to meet people and church hopping here. (make sure to dig into the comments of that post)
but obviously that’s not the answer for everyone. for you, i think a couple of things are in play.
1. your confidence – it’s taken a beating with being sick and having that effect your weight. guys see that. “that” being your lack of confidence, not your weight. since for the time being there’s nothing you can do about your weight until you find a doctor who isn’t a jerk, you need to focus on the things about you you can control and be proud of. what are the things you like about you? but let me tell you, if you are having a hard time thinking of something, you are being too hard on yourself. you need to raise your chin and give the world an “i dare you” look. and let me tell you something else, guys see that, too, and they like it.
2. circumstances – it sounds like you just don’t have a lot of opportunity to meet men. that’s a really common issue. i applaud you for holding firm to your resolve about where you attend church. you won’t get any argument from me. but i would encourage you to look for social events to attend. start putting yourself out there. mingle. revel in the freedom your singleness gives you. it’s a fine time to be a little ridiculous if you want to be.
i feel like maybe my readers are going to have some good things to say, so let’s let them have at it.
so…what say you? any other thoughts for the nice lady?