there’s nothing worse than a bad breakup

stolen from

a hand-drawn picture of a guy riding a giraffe as his break up notice isn’t the worst break up i’ve ever seen.  it’s actually better than a couple i am personally responsible for.

1.  i wrote a Dear John letter to guy who was in Iraq during the first Gulf War.

2.  i stalked the hell out of a guy because i completely lost my mind and apparently had no other option than to make both our lives a living hell after a MUTUAL break up.

to both of them, i apologize.  i suck.  a lot.

i already wrote about how to survive a break up, so this time i’m going to fill you in how not to be a dick when you’re the one doing the breaking.

1.  don’t drag it out – if you know you’re going to break up with her, she probably does, too.  or at least suspects it and is driving herself crazy trying to figure out when and why.  i don’t care if she’s the female equivalent of Hitler and deserves to get the small pox, be a man and end it.

2.  leave her be – do.  not.  yank.  her.  chain.  if you call her or want to “hang out” or ask her friends about her, she is going to interpret that as you wanting to be back with her.  i’m telling you, even if you think you might want that, but aren’t 100% sure, leave her alone.  you are only going to cause her more pain.  let her get over you.  girls have the uncanny ability to turn even the friendliest intention into hoping for a proposal.

3.  keep your dating to yourself – no broadcasting some girl with her tongue down your throat on Facebook.  no bringing a date to a place you know she’s going to be for at least a few weeks.  do not throw your dating in her face.  *disclaimer*  if you broke up with her because she was a completely wretched person, allowing her to see that you’ve immediately moved on is fine, just don’t be a douche about it.  high road, my friend.  high.  road.

4.  don’t talk about her – notice i didn’t say “don’t talk bad about her”.  just don’t talk about her period.  keeping your mouth shut is always the better part of wisdom, no matter how things went down.  it’s nobody’s business why things ended or how things ended.  you have an opportunity to be a really decent human being and keep the ugliness to a minimum.  take it.

5.  check your motives – when you run into a situation and you have to decide what to do, evaluate what your motives are.  if you are about to do something that would hurt her or cause others to think badly about her, check yourself.  why would you do that except to stroke your own ego?  if you are about to do something that would draw her attention back to you, but you know you don’t really want to date her again, check yourself.  why would you do that except to stroke your own ego?  see where i’m going?

you and i both know you are not required to be a dick when you break up with a girl, but it can sure look mighty appealing sometimes.  instead, be a man.  be honorable in your dealings with everyone; including those who have hurt you and especially those you have hurt.

have any of you ever broken up badly with anyone?

how hard is it to take the high road during a break up?

*i have no idea why the first chunk of this post is still gray.  couldn’t get it to change.  stupid.*


20 comments on “there’s nothing worse than a bad breakup

  1. visitingmissouri says:

    Real break-ups aren’t too plentiful. I’ve had two big relationships before my current one. The first girlfriend was completely nuts. I made the mistake of breaking up with her in the car. We drove along a canal and I was praying she wouldn’t drive into it for the whole ride. Believe me, I had to.
    The rest of break-ups were more loose dates that wanted to have a second or third, where I was sure I didn’t want to. I told them bluntly (‘I don’t see us dating anymore’), which would make them angry at first, but later they’d sometimes say they appreciated my honesty. It also makes things less awkard in the end.

  2. Jess says:

    Advice I’ve given guy-friends: Allow her to vilify you if necessary. I mean, don’t actually be a jerk, but don’t be so nice that you constantly give her reminders of how awesome you are and how much it sucks that you don’t want to be with her anymore. Don’t show up places she’s invited you to–even if it’s a group thing with a bunch of mutual friends. She WILL interpret your being there as a direct response to her specific invitation.

    You don’t have to ditch your mutual friends, but do be careful about showing up at her invitation. If she can’t help texting at first, do her the courtesy of deleting without a response. She’ll get the message that you are serious, and in the end, she’ll thank you for not giving in. It only prolongs the recovery period.

  3. Tyler says:

    So…….drawing a picture of you riding a giraffe is bad, but what about riding a narwhal?

  4. Lord Alvin says:

    I think the giraffe thing is the best idea here. Seriously, who wouldn’t be glad to be rid if that guy? Relationship over. Relief felt by both parities. Art. Problem solved.

  5. Emily says:

    Another good point would be WHEN to break up with them –

    Best not to take them on an awesome date and do it at the end (been there, done that). Also, meeting somewhere else makes it strange for the girl to get a ride back with you/have taken the effort to go somewhere just to get broken up with. Best to drive to her place at a time convenient for her.

    Not sure what your view is on this quandary – let me know what ya think!

  6. G Fresh says:

    I do all of my breaking up via Morse Code. Sometimes cuneiform if I’m feeling particularly sassy.

    And there is one positive about taking the low road that nobody ever mentions; the dumper makes it to Scotland before the dumpee, so that’s cool…you know, if you both want to go to Scotland.

  7. Jenn says:

    Do not divide your mutual friends, this goes for both parties – dumper/dumpee. Good gracious this is about the dumbest thing to do – it causes bigger messes. If your friends want to pick sides because they always thought she was a drama queen or he was a complete tool, then fine. But don’t encourage them to do so. That was the one thing that really and truly pissed me off the most with my ex fiance, the “they’re my friends first, so you can’t talk to them now” business

  8. nathan says:

    I had a three year relationship end in a five month fade which started with her suggesting we take “a month break,” and was then followed by three months of attempted contact on my part, and her saying “I’m not ready yet.” Meanwhile, she had already moved on I found out several months later, but I kept falling for the way she was delaying everyone. It sounded genuine, but really was a way for her to avoid confrontation.

    Two lessons learned there. 1. You might not get the kind of closure you want. 2. You might have to end it, even if the other person is the one more interested in ending it.

  9. Regan says:

    Thanks for the break-up advice, but it’s a little too late, and I think. I just. did everything. wrong. Can I get a mercy card? Well, at least I didn’t do #1 and #3… 😦

  10. hey-o silver, away says:

    I used to be good at this?…
    But I think that I’ve been getting worse at it each successive relationship. Which is probably a sign that I need some time to figure myself out.

  11. asoulwalker says:

    A dear john letter? Wow, that is impressive. Granted not in a very flattering way, but… I’ve never heard a woman admit to doing that. I’ve known plenty who did, but they always try and keep it under wraps. It’s great to see someone learning from their past. I hope that I can continue to do half as well as you have.

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  13. Lauren says:

    Once a guy broke up with me by telling me I was a princess of God. Oh yes, I am quoting. I think he was trying to be nice about it, but ended up overcompensating. And did I mention I was in high school and it was, like, third period? I had to get through the whole rest of the day. Oh well. My dog didn’t like him anyway.

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