twitter twaddle: REASONS YOURE SINGLE

*if you want my take on the Kardashian divorce, spend some time with my tweets from yesterday…because today i don’t care anymore.  and if that’s not good enough, then here’s my professional opinion…that marriage was less real than Jim and Pam.  you’re welcome.

now back to our regularly scheduled programming:

yesterday REASONS YOURE SINGLE WAS TRENDING ON TWITTER.  oops, got carried away there for a sec.

REASONS YOURE SINGLE?  because you type in all caps?  because you’re apostrophobic?  because you’re Kris Humphries? (*okay, maybe one more)

here’s a few that came up that i thought deserved an honorable mention:

by honorable mention, i mean my ridiculous commentary

REASONS YOURE SINGLE – You’re waiting for the day where someone from infinite will fly to Singapore, and kiss you when you wake up.  dude, if this is what you’re waiting for, you are n.e.v.e.r. waking up.

REASONS YOURE SINGLE You’re waiting for someone from SHINEE to wake up one day, fly to Singapore, hunt you down and marry you.  uh, is this a pop culture reference i’m totally missing, because this was right after that last one…

REASONS YOURE SINGLE : Because u cant find someone as awesome as u ! `;D i’m fairly certain that’s not true. or it could be your weirdly creepy emoticon.

I could not think on REASONS YOURE SINGLE but we could end this together. – suicide pact? awesome. girls love that.

REASONS YOURE SINGLE – Nobody likes you. – ouch. and probably true.

REASONS YOURE SINGLE: Your Scared Of Commitment & Heart Break 11:11or….because you don’t know how to use “you’re”, you don’t understand the rules of capitalization (i get the irony, shut up) and you sign all your tweets with 11:11.

REASONS YOURE SINGLE I’m single because I’m ugly. – ugly is as ugly does, dude. have you ever seen Lyle Lovett?  that guy gets all kinds of play.

REASONS YOURE SINGLE: you’re on twitter complaining that you’re single. #omgsofunny – or…you’re on twitter making fun of other people for being on twitter and adding #omgsofunny to all of your own tweets.

REASONS YOURE SINGLE – you can’t turn on my lightsaber. – there’s Cialis for that, but chemistry is important.

REASONS YOURE SINGLE — because guys are dumb! The end. – i know you are, but what am i? oh, wait…

REASONS YOURE SINGLE: You. – can we be best friends?

REASONS YOURE SINGLE unibrow – i beg your pardon?  Jon Acuff is happily married and Frida Kahlo was much sought after…by…that…one…guy. okay, maybe you have a point.

REASONS YOURE SINGLE 5. Your Claingy – the “your” “you’re” joke was so seven comments ago. fortunately you’ve also given me the fact that you number your tweets and i suspect you actually think “clingy” is spelled that way.

REASONS YOURE SINGLE is cus ur probably selfish and nieve! – way. to. easy.

REASONS YOURE SINGLE: You can’t date music, you can’t date the internet and you can’t date your celebrity crush. – whoop! there it is!

okay, you guys always kill this.

serious or funny, your choice.

REASONS YOURE SINGLE…go.

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19 comments on “twitter twaddle: REASONS YOURE SINGLE

  1. Larry Hehn says:

    REASONS YOURE SINGLE: Axe body spray is not an acceptable substitute for personal hygiene.

  2. G Fresh says:

    You mean Craig married you even after your incorrect “too” usage?! Way. TOO. Easy. 😉

  3. H.E. ELLIS says:

    Reason I’m single: I’m taking the time to improve myself so I deserve a better class of men than what I’ve settled for in the past.

  4. Eric says:

    I would have guessed it was because none of them can use “you’re” properly. It’s a simple contraction, not rocket science. “You are” = “You’re” The apostrophe replaces a letter/letters. “Your” is a possessive, meaning something belonging to you, like “Your hair”. Honestly, the so-called education system is totally FAILING these days!

  5. Because your co-ed prison suggestion didn’t get approved?

    In honor of Matty G’s recent costume: Because the zombie girls are all chasing living guys and the living girls refuse to walk slow enough for you to catch?

  6. Brian says:

    Reason I’m single: It seems all the girls attracted to me are a little loco! Maybe the one I’m talking to right now is for real!

  7. REASONS YOURE SINGLE: You keep hoping good guys will fall for the cleavage in your Twitter pic.

  8. El Guapo says:

    ReasonI’mNotSingle – because the greatest girl in the universe said yes.

    And like I’ve said for years, I got the girl. Everything else is noise.

  9. Jacquelyn says:

    A good one I saw yesterday was “because you’re taking dating advice from Bella Swan.”

  10. Jennifer C says:

    Reason I’m Single: I got to a church where I am the only single. #truestory #notexaggerating

    Another Reason I’m Single: hash tags.

  11. Regan says:

    I would agree with that last reason on your list: Because I can’t date music; I can’t date the internet; and I can’t date Christian Bale.

    I’m beginning to see that it’s also because I’m attracted to guys that I’m eventually going to dislike because they are conceited jerks. Did I say that out loud? Oops.

  12. Reasons you’re single: You still have boy band posters on your wall from the 90’s. Not even the Backstreet Boys either. I’m talking 98 Degrees.

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