happy Halloween you satan worshipping Jesus haters

so last night, this happened…

but sharideth!  why do you look pregnant and why do you have vampire eyes?

i have no idea why either of those things happened.  but i am neither pregnant nor a vampire.  though if i had to choose…vampire.  hands down.  i’m thinking i arched my back weird and the stripes on my shirt made me look like i’m 6 months along.  the eyes?  no clue…

but it was fun.  a lot of fun.  it was a 70’s dance party, so…you know…fun.  i might have ended up with a couple of dollar bills stuffed in my cleavage.  i’m just sayin’ that could’ve happened.

Craig and i celebrate Halloween.  always have.  growing up, our churches each put on a couple of the best haunted houses in town.

then Bill Gothard happened.

he took a holiday full of tooth decay, flammable face masks and awesome and turned it into something to be reviled and feared.  Christians everywhere were convinced that allowing their children to dress up like Smurfettte and Donatello was glorifying satan and granting him some sort of unprecedented power over all of us for one day a year.  there were shouts of “Satanism!” and “Paganism!” and panicpanicpanicpanic….

uh, hypocrisy anyone?

if we are going to throw the Paganism flag, we had better ditch our Christmas trees and Easter eggs, too.

how about taking the daily recommended dose of irony since we’re all worked up…

Halloween is the most Christian of all holidays.

you heard me.

It began with the Catholic church as All Hallows Eve and was instituted to honor the Saints.  All the costume and scary stuff was incorporated initially by the Hispanic culture (heavily Catholic btw) as part of their Day of the Dead celebration.  this, too, was in honor of those who had passed on before us.

ohhhhhhh.  scaaaaaaaaary…..

has it been secularized and turned into a night when girls can dress like they work a pole and punks run around pranking the unsuspecting elderly?  sure.  but what holiday that we hold sacred hasn’t been secularized in some way that Christians find distasteful?

oh yeah.  none.

and oh em gee, do not get me started on the whole Jesusween thing that’s happening this year.  have you heard about this?  we Christians, if we really love Jesus and hate satan, must hand out tracts instead of candy.  of course you can do both if you are feeling particularly generous.

i just gagged on my Chai latte.

how about instead of handing out The 4 Spiritual Laws, you actually develop a relationship with the people in your neighborhood and invite them to church?  then maybe they’ll respect you and not want to egg your house.

as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord…by dressing up as a hotdog, a female sheriff with a pink mustache, a SWAT team member and the Unabomber.


did your family ever not celebrate Halloween because it meant you loved satan and hated Jesus?

do you still feel this way?  why?  don’t worry.  i won’t throw a jack o’ lantern at your head.  i’m honestly curious.

what are you doing with your All Hallows Eve?

i know this post had nothing to do with relationships, so if you need a fix, read It’s Humiliation, Charlie Brown!  that ought to do the trick and is season appropriate.


20 comments on “happy Halloween you satan worshipping Jesus haters

  1. Evan says:

    I’ve always liked halloween. Candy nutjob. Always have been, always will. Seinfeld has one of the funniest bits about getting candy and dressing up for Halloween.

    Fun fact: Americans spend $2 billion on candy for halloween.

  2. Jenn says:

    My parents didn’t ever particularly care – though it was only “happy” costumes – which is fair, since my mom sewed I got all sorts of fun costumes. As for how I am “celebrating” tonight – in the library! Yay for grad school, its own horror show some days.

  3. Brian says:

    My parents let me dress up and go trick-or-treating as a child. I had to promise not to talk about in church.

    Now days, I don’t hide much of anything. Sure, there’s people that turn Halloween into something it shouldn’t be, but for the most part it is just fun. I would have worn a costume this weekend, but I was too much indecisive on what to wear.

    This Halloween, I’m staying home and watch my Chiefs play the Chargers, unless something comes up! 🙂

  4. I hate being That Guy, but since he got his PhD twenty miles down the road from me, I feel compelled to say this: it’s Unabomber. Unless the costume is a guy who bombs uniforms, in which case I want to see a picture.

    As for Halloween: I never understood the fuss. I see holidays like Halloween like I see insults: they have all the power you give them. So settle down, fellow Christians, and have some candy. And if you don’t like candy…well, then we’re never going to agree on anything ever.

  5. My family has always been in the do not celebrate group. Although the history I learned of it is considerably different than yours. As I learned it, All Saints Day was the Catholic celebration of the saints, and All Hallows Eve was the night before, when the witches and evil spirits and so forth roamed abroad and the jack o’ the lantern was put out to ward off evil spirits, and treats left out to appease them to keep them from doing ill deeds (tricks) to you and your house. In my understanding, many of those traditions came from the Celtic Druidic celebrations. It’s quite possible different regions absorbed different traditions and gradually shared, too.

    Now, where candy is concerned, if you don’t celebrate Halloween, you can get a load more candy for less money if you wait for the after-Halloween candy sell-offs. :>

  6. Noël says:

    I wasn’t allowed to celebrate it from about the age of 6 on. My parents would pull me out of school for the party and write the school administration a letter about why the holiday was evil and I wouldn’t be participating. Fast forward 28 years… they both LOVE Halloween and have a great time with it and welcome Trick-or-Treaters to their home with their “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” door knocker. I don’t actually know what prompted the change.

  7. […] Bonus:  For more Halloween shenanigans, check out today’s post from my good friend, Sharideth. […]

  8. My family fell in to the category of not celebrating Halloween because it was a day that honored satan. It changed a bit from year to year. One year we would stay at home, with all of the lights off, and watch a movie (Left Behind with Kirk Cameron anyone?) or the next year we would be able to dress up like Queen Esther and attend the church’s harvest party. Then the next year, we wouldn’t be allowed to go to the harvest party because of what it represented. I never felt like I was missing out, though, by not being able to trick or treat. I felt like my parents did a pretty good job of explaining why we didn’t celebrate it. And that while Christmas and Easter also somewhat stem from pagan practices, the center of those holidays, for Christians, is Christ based. Christmas celebrating the birth of Christ Jesus and Easter celebrating His resurrection from death on the cross.

    With that said, I still don’t celebrate Halloween. But I don’t sit at home with the lights turned off either. If I get invited to go over to a friend’s house, I might do that (though I don’t dress up). I recently read a really great blog on this, talking about the history of Halloween: http://blog.marshill.com/2009/10/29/the-history-of-halloween-revisted/ — it has some great points and while it lays to rest some myths it also just challenges the Christian reader to look at the reasons behind celebrating or not celebrating it. It challenged my thinking in how I look at the holiday, growing up in a home where it wasn’t (and still isn’t) celebrated.

    • Tor says:

      OHMIGOSH, AMY! This was my story too.

      We stayed in and watched Christian television – Kirk Cameron or *gasp* Carmen movies and yes, even the lady with the blue hair. It was awful. My mom made a 2″x3″ foot sign with a jack o latern on it that was behind a red circle with a line through it that read WE DO NOT CELEBRATE HALLOWEEN that she placed in front of our door every year.

      Seriously, I’m thinking about this now and our neighbors must have talked about the fundies down the road ALL the time. My mother is still ridiculous and (in my opinion) fanatical about the whole thing. The older I get, the less it matters. Christmas was also started by pagans before it was hijacked by the (Catholic?) church, so there’s that. I hope that if we have kids that my mom freaks out about our Halloween pictures on facebook. That would make my life. (Aren’t you glad I’m not your daughter?!)

      • lol! I was actually trying to remember if we had any signs up ever but I don’t recall. I would be kind of curious to talk with my mom about it now and see if she still feels the same way (I gather that she does). Too funny!

  9. Colossians 2:16 (look it up!)

    Also, 1 Corinthians Chapter 8.

    That should be enough ammunition to dispel the “ZOMG Paganism” types. Just tell ’em that Saint Paul says it’s okay. (He also describes the people who are put off by such things as being “of weak conscience”)

  10. G Fresh says:

    I think we went trick or treating maybe once when I was a kid, but I’m pretty sure that was because one of my aunts insisted and got all the cousins together to do it and my parents reluctantly agreed.

    After that though it was all Hallelujah Festivals at the church. One year, my dad made “The Widow’s Two Mites” costumes for me and my brother for the costume contest judged by the pastor. We couldn’t see a thing and I think I may have tripped walking up the stairs onto the stage.

    Since then; well…check out today’s blog to see the answer to that. 😀

  11. Mandie Marie says:

    We celebrated it, but never went as anything gross or dead. Hockey player or referee was the most common in our house. Because we’re the seriously stereotypical Canadian family.

    I don’t really care about Halloween one way or another, but I love dressing up. So much. And Halloween is the perfect excuse. So. I guess I love it, just not when tiny cute children look like they are dead. Or how my neighbours have a projection thinger in the window and it’s a silhouette of a murder scene. Really guys?

    • G Fresh says:

      Oh man. So you must have REALLY hated my costume. I should probably change my FB profile pic before I leave any more comments on your Halloween photo album. 🙂

  12. Chris says:

    Well, since you asked, I don’t celebrate Halloween. As for why, it is because it is a celebration of darkness and death. I don’t want to celebrate nor honour death. I don’t want to put my value in or get my pleasure from the corruptible. I do that enough as it is. I don’t need a special day set aside for it. 🙂

    As for honouring dead saints, or communally remembering dead loved ones on a special day, I’m reminded of the words “let the dead bury their dead.”

    As for the hypocrisy of Christmas and Easter, I’m guilty of that too, but I suspect that the truth is in more in favour of giving up Christmas and Easter than accepting Halloween because of them. I find it interesting that many Christians cling to Christmas and Easter, yet if they were told they needed to also celebrate the feasts and fasts as commanded in Leviticus, they would probably freak out. I don’t believe those feasts and fasts are literally required as Christians (for reasons too long to explain here), but what I really find interesting is that we tend to hold man-made celebrations and man-made holidays (holy days) in higher regard than God-made holy days. Jesus had a dim view of that kind of thinking.

    I’m not usually home on Halloween night, so there’s no handing out of candy. That’s more of an accident of my life than any plan on my part, though.

    I do not write this to condemn those that do celebrate Halloween, but simply as a witness that I do not, and can’t really join in the festivities. That creates a divide between me and those that celebrate it. But I think it is helpful to remember that Halloween will perish just like our bodies, and what we focus on while we have life is important with regards to our futures. If we focus on things that perish, we will have no reward at the end.

  13. Charmaine Stanley says:

    I don’t like halloween because of the blatant commercialism of the whole thing, it has never struck me as a celebration of any kind. I struggle enough with celebrating of Jesus’ birth, death and rising again now a marketable commodity for those who don’t or won’t understand the significance of those events. So yeah, call me grumpy, that’s just my view.

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