she’s hot, she’s smart, she’s kind, she bakes the best cookies you’ve ever eaten,
god help her she’s into you, she has absolutely no sense of her own self worth.
you’ve landed yourself Miss Insecurity.
you can read through that link directly above this to learn how to help her build confidence, but this post is running in a different direction. do some stretching and grab your cross trainers. if you put on Vibrams, i’m not sure we can be friends.
this is about avoiding a serious temptation when it comes to an insecure girl. the temptation to mold her into your own image…of what a girl should be.
her fear of disapproval is so strong she will do anything to avoid it. she will willing hand over her entire identity to please you. she’ll be anything you want her to be.
unless you are a pathetic douche bag, you will have to learn to say no. it will be crazy flattering how far she’s willing to go for you, but up until you, everyone has taken advantage of her.
break the cycle.
1. say no – she will offer to pay for things, to clean your house, to do your laundry…she will all but beg to please to you. say no. assure her you have own your finances, personal hygiene and home maintenance under control…whether you actually do or not. physically restrain her if you have to, because your refusal just might send her into a panic attack thinking she’s not good enough to wash your socks or clean your gutters.
2. reassure her – keep your voice kind and patient and with a bit of humor in it. she’ll be freaking right out, so make sure she knows it’s really not necessary for her to paint your kitchen. seriously, she’ll be coming out of her skin.
3. serve her – do something good and manly for her. get her oil changed or do it yourself for extra man points. make her dinner or get take out and put it in your own dishes to pretend like you cooked it. if you do that, make sure she sees the take out boxes so you can both laugh and break the tension she will most surely be feeling by not being the one cooking you a six course meal.
4. protect her – she never says no. to anyone. ever. if someone is asking too much of her or taking advantage, step in and say no for her. shield her from those who would use her innate generosity and fear of rejection against her. and hold on to your dangly parts, because those people are going to be pissed.
5. watch your words – she is going to be listening INTENTLY for any clue that you might want something about her to change to suit you. continually reinforce those things about her you are attracted to. shore up who she is as her own person and the value there is in just being her.
6. be patient – this is all going to be very new to her and she will not take it well initially. she’d probably be more comfortable being held at gunpoint. it will be so foreign that it just might terrify her because she won’t understand her role. find ways to calm her down, to redirect her fear. help her to breathe. remember when Aragorn first meets Brego and the horse is losing his shit? it’ll be like that.
7. be her partner – she is a natural helper. she needs to be contributing. plan times to work together on things. preferably something you have to give her instruction on so she can’t take over and do it all herself. because she will try. it’s important to let her know you are a team. that you do not expect any more from her than you do yourself.
more than any of those things though, think of her first in everything you do. imagine what it might be like to be constantly used by everyone around you and check your own motives on a regular basis. lend her your strength. because i’m telling you, when you’ve been shoved off a cliff by an Orc and are lying face down in a river, she will find you and bring you home.
she’s one “sorry. i can’t do that for you.” away from becoming a Keeper.
have you ever run into this girl?
girls, have you ever been this girl?
any other suggestions for making sure you don’t take advantage of her or to help her become more confident?
anyone willing to admit to wearing Vibrams?