how to know if she’s interested

guys…this isn’t hard.  there’s no mystery here.  stop trying to decipher clues.  i really don’t care if she twirls her hair or touches your arm or gives you a full frontal hug every time she sees you.

it doesn’t mean she’ll date you.  these are girls we’re talking about.  they will send all the right signals then shut you down like the NBA.

wanna know if she’s interested?

ask her out.

boom.  done.

you will have your answer immediately.  she will say yes or no.  bandaid.  ripped.  off.  no agonizing.  no guessing.  NO FEAR.

but don’t be shocked by a “no”.  how much she flirts means nothing.  she could be just giving herself the equivalent of a pep talk by getting your attention.  awful of her?  yes.  but don’t judge her too harshly.  some girls don’t even know they do it.

there is no reason to beat your head against the wall waiting for the green light that rarely ever comes.  don’t get so emotionally invested with the guessing and pining that you have a hard time moving on from a relationship that never was.

have more respect for yourself than that.

the less you wallow and the more decisively you act, the more women will begin to view you as the alpha male you want to be.

if you get a “no”, fine.  next!  you’re not defeated, you’re free.

if you get a “yes”.  suh-weet!

girls will constantly send mixed messages.  the only way to really know if she’s into you, is to ask her out.  man up.  rip off the bandaid and hope you don’t get too much hair in it.

guys, think you can do that?

what scares you most about asking a girl out?

girls, is it intriguing to watch a guy you just rejected move on?

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10 comments on “how to know if she’s interested

  1. Jamie says:

    I LOVE the ask, even though I DESPISE the “no” it sometimes requires. The question you posed is very therapy-esque: there was a guy I knew was going to ask me out and I used every weapon in my arsenal to get him to stand down because I knew I’d say no. I did and he survived and is now engaged. Strangely enough, this makes me grumpy.

    We can be ridiculous. Or maybe just me.

  2. JBen says:

    The ask worked for me. You have to factor in long distance stuff, but every step we took towards being official, I just asked. “Can I email you? Can we skype? Can I come visit.” She was game for each one.

    I am very interested to hear how women respond to your last question.

    Also, this is just one more piece of excellent advice, Sharideth. Nice work.

  3. Charmaine Stanley says:

    No one ever asked so I have no idea!

  4. Hmm, I’m not thrilled about this advice, because it sounds to the shy person I used to be (and, if I’m honest with myself, sometimes still am), a bit like this:

    “Want to know if your food’s gone bad? Taste a little bit, and if it makes you sick, then at least you know not to eat the rest of it!”

    No matter how much I tried to tell myself that a rejection was no big deal, when it actually came it still hurt like hell, and made me that much less inclined to take a gamble the next time (so, again, it’s not true that “no agonising, no fear” – they just get postponed to the next time). You describe it as “band aid ripped off”, but it felt more like “shot in the gut”.

    So wanting to shorten the odds and have some indication in advance of what they might be is not that ridiculous, and when you say at the start, “this isn’t hard”, you’re only talking about one of the hardest things there is to do!

    Now, granted, there actually isn’t a way of shortening the odds or figuring them out in advance. I’ve learned that and had to figure out how to deal with it. But acting like it’s the simplest thing in the world to do is just not helpful to the guys who have the problem you’re trying to address.

  5. Joey says:

    I really like this advice, I am quite shy when it comes to asking a question like this to girls. Like, I can talk to them, but to ask them out?!! Whoahhh, no way, never done it, but heck I think I will give it a try! Like you said, why not!?!

    I pretty much do what you describe, sit around and wait for some kind of green light, this wouldn’t be a big deal except the waiting was for over a year in several cases. Huge waste of my time.

    I’m less shy now, but my big worry for not doing this is because of the killed friendship in the process (in my experience anyway). Not that this is always the case, but for some girls, they never want to talk to you after, and that is what kills me. Then again that was in high school (a few years ago) are girls cooler now? Why do they have such a hard time remaining friends after they find out you like them? I definitely feel like i would not have a hard time continuing a friendship after something like that…maybe.

  6. Bethany says:

    An average guy with courage to ask a girl out has infinitely more points than a stupendous guy who’s too afraid. In the end, it doesn’t matter who’s the smartest, most mature, and best looking. It matters who made a move.

  7. Lynne says:

    But does the same directness work for the girls?

  8. Asking people out takes just as much practice as anything. At my “peak” of single bachelorhood, I was asking women out that I maybe realistically had no business asking out, and getting ‘yes’-es constantly. I just played the odds. One of them has to say yes. I basically just went up and acted like I could work them in, if they wanted to do something, but I really wasn’t centering my life around it.

  9. Men of the world, take this genius advice! Just ask us out! Worst case scenario- gentle let down.

  10. janakaye says:

    Even though I hate having to say no and the potential awkwardness afterward, I have to say that a non-ask is worse. Sometimes it goes on for months and months, and then is followed by an ask, and the no then hurts a heck of a lot worse.

    However, AFTER a no, you have to deal with one another with kindness. Women shouldn’t continue to knowingly flirt (and be aware of appearing to flirt or encourage) after a no, you have to give some space. Men shouldn’t beg or post passive-aggressively on facebook or twitter.

    I was asked out by someone who misread work camaraderie as encouragement. He came into my office one day, asked, told me he would ask for my answer next week. He came back a week later, asked for my answer, I said the no, he nodded, and it has never come up again. I have respect for this guy, and though the no stands, we have been able to continue a cordial relationship.

    Another time I was asked out in a similar situation, and my no was followed with dark poetry, personal gifts, weepy conversations, online hints, and a 2,000 word letter (essay?) containing immensely personal information. For this guy, I had to literally block all access, online and in real life. Despite mutual interests and friends, a year later I am still largely uncomfortable with most contact with this guy.

    Here’s my advice…if interested in a girl, ask before you build too many castles in the clouds. Then if she says no, she’s not destroying your universe of dreams.

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