twitter twaddle: #BestThingsAboutBeingSingle

haven’t done one of these in a while and yesterday’s trending topic on Twitter begged to be on my blog.  seriously.  it was embarrassing.  i was all like, “get up off your knees.  have some respect for yourself.” and TT was all like, “not until you promise.”  ugh.

here we go:

No one gets in the way of you and your delicious sandwich with Miracle Whip #BestThingsAboutBeingSingle – @MiracleWhip
Promoted by Miracle Whip – shameless self promotion much?  keep your nasty, tangy weirdness to yourself.

I don’t like the #BestThingsAboutBeingSingle trend because it just makes me realise how lonely I am and that I’m going to be forever alone. – acceptance is half the battle.

#BestThingsAboutBeingSingle —nothing! dont flex – your honesty and use of urban colloquialism is impressive.

#BestThingsAboutBeingSingle Not being confronted with shampoo. – @_Snape_ – totally brill and clearly gross.

#BestThingsAboutBeingSingle I don’t have to share my chicken nuggets – i also recommend never becoming a parent.

#BestThingsAboutBeingSingle Not having to delete your inbox… – hint: you shouldn’t have to do that anyway.

#BestThingsAboutBeingSingle gives you a chance to find yourself and realize what you want in a relationship, so set your standards high – boooooring.

#BestThingsAboutBeingSingle I have more time to train my Pokémon – you’re single a lot, aren’t you?

#BestThingsAboutBeingSingle you don’t need a password on your phone… – does your girlfriend hack your facebook, too?  so annoying.

#bestthingsaboutbeingsingle you don’t have to worry about someone pulling a Jazmine Sullivan on your car windows – i have no idea what that means, but it sounds like a biohazard.

#BestThingsAboutBeingSingle Having all your ribs. – @TheTweetOfGod – God is a comedic genius. who knew?

#bestthingsaboutbeingsingle Not having an Adele album written about you – you’d love that. don’t flex.

what are some other best things about being single?





6 comments on “twitter twaddle: #BestThingsAboutBeingSingle

  1. G Fresh says:

    I don’t have to share my cats’ affection with anyone else.

    I can fart as much as I want to without getting any eyerolls.

    I don’t have to buy any two player games for my Wii just so she can play too.

    My legs don’t get worn out on the teeter totter.

    I can wait until after the football game to take the trash out.

  2. Hmm. So “don’t flex” is the new “don’t lie” ?

    Wondering if the Jazmine Sullivan is breaking the car windows with a baseball bat. That seems to have been popular with jilted girlfriends that ended up in Judge Judy’s courtroom.

  3. Lafemmeroar says:

    No one leaves the toilet seat up so you don’t have to worry about your tush wadding in toilet water.

    I don’t have to worry about birth control.

    I don’t have to worry about being in a bad relationship.

    **Totally enjoyed reading your post 🙂

  4. Larry Hehn says:

    I’ve been married for 21 years. I can’t remember!

  5. ThatGuyKC says:

    This is awesome. I love the twitter twaddle approach to a post. Funny and creative.

    The “best” thing about being single is the freedom to be selfish.

  6. […] stole the idea from this nice lady and I hope she stole it too, that would make it less awkward. #ARealBoyfriend is trending on […]

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