leave your family out of it

occasionally someone doesn’t like me.  i know.  *gasp*  so hard to imagine with me being so reserved and all.  9 out of 9 times it’s a girl.  and she’s usually convinced my existence was designed to ruin her day.  there’s really no fixing that, so i don’t even try.

one girl like this i had to see every sunday at church.  she’d be laughing and chatting, but the moment i walked in the door, i’m pretty sure she lost about 26% of her salvation by wishing me dead.  if we ever had to be in a small group together, she would look for opportunities to twist my words to try and embarrass me.

unfortunately for her i’d known most of those women longer than she had and wouldn’t have to bother defending myself because someone else would do it for me.  which obviously made her like me more.  *sarcastic slant*

innyweigh, someone asked me if Craig and i were going to have more kids and i said, “not unless God hates me.  Craig’s getting fixed.”  this was overheard by my biggest fan and she said, “so you think of your husband as dog?  that’s the kind of respect you have for him?”

double you tee eff?

another friend of mine heard her say that and said, “i’ve known Sharideth for 12 years and have never heard her say a single negative or disrespectful word about Craig.  God knows she’s probably had reason to, because nobody’s perfect, but she simply doesn’t do it.  what’s your problem?”

did i mention this all went down in a bathroom crammed with about a dozen women?  yeah.

what’s the point Sharideth?

i’m getting there.

when it comes to man/woman relationships, there are going to moments when your snuggle bunny is going to legitimately piss you right off.  for many the first instinct is to tell someone about it.  namely family or friends.

do. not. do. this.

want to make your family immediately suspicious and disapproving of your chosen one?  want to cause months maybe years of discomfort between them?  then by all means, tell them about how you came to be offended and in an impulsive moment spilled your guts instead of giving your love a chance to make it right.

your family will not get over the problem as fast as you will.  for you it could only last a day, for them you’ve just run a red flag up the pole that it will take time to overcome.

are there real issues you should talk about to the people who love you?  absolutely.  they include

  • abuse
  • addiction
  • cheating
  • lying
  • any recurring problem that you have not been able to fix on your own

other than that, work it out between yourselves.  even the kindest of people will say something they regret.  you need to be a grown up and give them a chance to make it right before you go running to mommy.

mature relationships should be handled almost exclusively internally.  if professional help is needed to work something out, by all means, make that happen.

if you really feel like you need to go to your family to get sincere wisdom on how to handle a problem, make sure you are presenting both sides as objectively as possible.  admit to anything you might have done to make things worse.  this will diffuse things for your family member and give them a different perspective than if you just go to bitch about whatever it is.

have you ever made the mistake of telling someone something that caused a rift between them and someone else close to you?

what kind of shoes are you wearing?

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5 comments on “leave your family out of it

  1. Well said. I’m usually in the position of being the one that the person who simply must tell someone about what happened chooses to tell, rather than the one doing the telling. Because contrary to my ability to natter on endlessly in your blog comments, I’m usually good at keeping things people don’t want shared. It is not entirely infrequent for me to be the person that BOTH people chose to receive their complaints about the other. My biggest problem is avoiding the tendency to internalize other people’s problems into my own stress. Watching 6-8 friendships collapse while knowing what both sides are thinking and not being free to say a word about it can be painful.

    Meanwhile, I am not wearing shoes, only socks, because that’s how we roll here.

  2. God in heaven you have GOT to write a book!!! Is this fan of yours in the 6th grade or something? Perhaps she’s trying out for pep squad captain and sees you as a threat? Point being, isn’t that type’a nonsense supposed to end in high school?

    Perhaps she’s one of those “thorn in the side” thingeys that Paul had – regardless, here’s my two word solution to your problem: throat punch.

    For the record, I gave Knox the exact same advice today. I mean if King David can run around looping off dozens of foreskins for his future father – why can’t you offer your catty friend a holy-soft-tissue-strike?

    As far as footwear goes, is this one of those “No Shoes, No Reading” blogs I’ve been hearing about?

  3. Josiemarie says:

    Sound advice. When my marriage was falling apart, my sister (who was also my best friend) was there for me. She had a shoulder for me to cry on, ears to listen to me whine, lots of sympathy. She also had a big mouth. She went from me to my hubs and repeated everything i had just shared with her. She called it helping. I told her she was unqualified to give advice on how to save a marriage. Since she was in the early stages of divorce number 2, i’m pretty sure I was right. She also destroyed any trust I had in her. Major “family sharing” backfire. Lesson learned.

    Footwear: nakey toes! we are an earthy, barefoot people here…until winter. 🙂

  4. Rupert says:

    So true. Well put.

  5. Riggs says:

    not sure what your entertaining story had to do with your message, but i liked them both.

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