blind date survival guide

is there anything more terrifying than a blind date?  i think i’d rather do a trust fall into drunken frat house.  fortunately you dating souls live in a digital world, so the odds of ever going on a truly “blind” date are slim to none.  thank you Facebook.  your friends and family would have to work pretty hard to make sure you never saw a picture of the person they’re setting you up with.

which should probably scare the crap out of you.

or even worse, if that person has absolutely no online presence, you can pretty much assume he/she is an assassin or serial killer.  the only other option is someone who completely shuns technology and those people aren’t to be trusted either.

if you have to go on a blind date, here’s some survival tips:

1.  set a time limit – avoid the “good god, when is this ever going to end?” feeling by knowing when it will end.  always, always, ALWAYS have some place else you have to be.  a friends house, a dentist appointment, obsessive 9pm cat grooming…it doesn’t really matter.  because seriously, if you have to say your cat needs grooming to get out of a blind date, it’s pretty much doomed anyway.

2.  have an escape plan – if it is going so painfully awful you’d rather be forced to listen to the Black Eyed Peas for eternity, you need to have the means to bail out.  i’m not going to say to outright lie and claim you just got a text saying your apartment’s been robbed.  i’m not.  really.  mostly.  that would be wrong.  right?  right.

3.  drive yourself – do not put yourself in a position where you are at the mercy of someone else to get you out of there.  live in a walking city?  make sure you’ve got cab fare.

4.  go armed with conversation – hopefully your friends and family love you and can offer you some info about the person they are setting you up with.  be prepared to engage starting with what you know, then move into new territory.  if there is no new territory, see number 2.

ya know, there is a possibility things could go well.  if they do, you can fudge the time limit and let your cats matted fur wait one more night.  however, don’t go too much over your limit.  leaving your date wanting more can be totally hawt and could increase your second date odds by 47%.  that’s science.

what did i miss?  what are some other blind date survival tips?

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8 comments on “blind date survival guide

  1. To quote something I read somewhere sometime… “I’d rather go blind than go on another blind date” and yet… I keep doing it. I have severe FOMO (fear of missing out) that leads me to continuously go out with these men/men-children/serial killers in the hope of one of them being Mr. Right. I’d even settle for Mr. Right Now!! The plight continues and with it comes many hilarious stories.

    I appreciate you writing for the men out there. Many of them need a clue or 12

    • dominic says:

      May I pose the following response: If you are continually being set up with men-children or serial killers, your friends who are doing the setting up need to severely re-examine what standards they set for the men they are setting you up with?

      • True… but there’s always the possibility that beneath that child-like demeanor is Mr. Right! Also, when you have married friends who are setting you up, they rarely care about who the guy is. They just want you to date someone, ANYONE! Here… date this homeless person on the street, or this random person who gives out samples at Costco (nothing against them I’m just saying complete randoms). JUST DATE SOMEONE…and thus, my blog was born haha.

        But in all seriousness, I think the entire premise of a blind date makes people nervous and perhaps that nervousness translates into warning signals that he may be of a distasteful character. Who knows really, but at the end of the day I keep accepting those dates and never give up hope!

  2. J_rae says:

    I’ve been on a total of three blind dates in recent years, and learned that it is every bit as important to screen your set-up-ers as it is to ask questions about the potential date. They come in the following catetories:

    1. Random connection–this is the friend of parents, the well-meaning church lady who hates to see anyone single, or the aunt you only see at family reunions twice a year. You could accept this set-up offer, but do so with caution, and ask lots of questions before making your decision. Odds are, the match only occurred to her because you are both single.

    2. The Good Friend of a Past You. For me this was my RA from college. She played matchmaker 4 years after we had lived together, and those years directly after graduation were very formative for both of us–in different ways. Again, this doesn’t have to be an out-and-out no, but be aware that this person may not know you as well as he or she used to. While the person they recommend is probably still a decent person (unless they really went off the deep end since you were close friends), you may not be as well-suited as your would-be matchmaker supposes.

    3. The person you’d rather have nothing to do with. Accepting a blind date recommendation from this person will always be a mistake. You know who they are, you know the kinds of things they do in their spare time. You do none of them. And you will always regret saying yes. unless there’s the distinct possibility that your potential suitor is that weird friend who also has nothing in common with the PYRHNTDW.

    4. The close mutual friend(s). This is the ideal blind-date scenario. While you’re both known and loved by the matchmaker, your circle of acquaintance has never expanded to include this potential match.

    I’ve rejected scenario 1 many times, and tried 2 and 3 once each in the past. Tried scenario number 4 a couple of months ago, and met a keeper. You don’t have to swear off blind dates altogether—just give yourself permission to be picky about who you trust.

  3. susan says:

    turn up on time, iron your shirt, clean your teeth and make sure you smell good

  4. Matt Gates says:

    No one has ever tried to set me up on a blind date. I guess my friends and family love me more than most…either that or they’ve totally given me up as a bad cause. 🙂

  5. Mandie Marie says:

    I went on a blind date once and broke every single one of these guidelines. Honestly, the fact that he was a cop made me think “Oh he’s a totally safe guy”. But in Canada, cops are the only people who have guns. Right? Right. Ugh. I’m a giant idiot, but I lived to tell the tale of a really ridiculously awkward date.

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