yesterday i asked several questions about your thoughts on marriage. if you haven’t answered them yet, but still want to, feel free to click here and have at it.
the first one was “is marriage as valuable today as it once was? why or why not? if not, should it be?”
my short answers are: no. society has lost its view of marriage as permanent. yes.
people need to grow up.
how’s that for jumping straight into the i’m-about-to-make-myself-real-unpopular deep end?
marriage is not an extension of dating. what does that mean, sharideth? thank you for asking. i will explain.
marriage is not something you play at, something you try on or something used to settle some sort of self-satisfaction.* there is no “breaking up”. though people sure seem to treat it that way. it is a life long commitment to another human being and to that person’s life long happiness. marriage is not selfish. it is selfless. there is no room for “this might not work out” like there is in dating. marriage is a serious contract. one that shouldn’t be thought of as reversible or potentially temporary. and certainly one that should be loophole free.
its value is not determined by society or by an individual’s opinion of it. the value of marriage is innate unto itself. it does not require the approval of others to be what it has always been; the foundational core of healthy families regardless of race or culture.
many of our friends who are just a generation behind us, think Craig and i have been married “forever”. eighteen years is not forever. not that it doesn’t occasionally feel like it. kidding. love you, honey. anyway, it’s really just getting started. Craig’s parents have been married 47 years, my parents for 50. and that’s not even forever.
things get hard in every marriage. our parents aren’t perfect people. wonderful, yes. perfect, no. without perfect people, there are no perfect marriages. what there is, that is always consistent, is the value of marriage. a marriage doesn’t lose it’s value over time. people lose their desire to respect that value. and it’s happening more and more.
it makes me sad.
why are people who get divorced statistically more likely to divorce again? because their sense of the value of marriage has been severely diminished.
now before my divorced readers start sending me hate mail, let me say this. i didn’t say that to hurt you or to judge you. i said to hopefully give you something to think about that might help you to hit the reset button on how you view marriage. it can be done. i’ve seen it.
i know i am among the minority who has two sets of parents (mine and my in-laws) who have set an excellent example, so it might sound like all of this is easy for me to say.
but it’s not. and that’s kind of the point. none of it is easy. it wasn’t luck, it was work that kept my parents together. it still is work. because there is a goal to be attained everyday.
that goal is the respect of marriage.
once you lose sight of it, you risk losing a shot at full, healthy, life long partnership with someone who, if you chose well, will make it his or her life’s ambition to love you.
what say you?
*alliteration is awesome as always