how to date: part 1

i met a friend for coffee this weekend and she was telling me about a new dating relationship she’s been in for the last couple of months.  it’s mostly long distance, so they spend a lot of time talking.  something i highly recommend couples learn how to do, btw.

anyway, she said at the end of every call, her boyfriend asks her a question.  he asks, “what did you learn about me today?”


if she doesn’t have an answer, they talk some more.

again, genius.

he also tells her something he learned about her.

do i need to say it again?

i kind of couldn’t wait for today to be able to share that little bit of dating brilliance with you.  this is gold you can start cashing in on the the very first date.

i don’t know the guy.  have never met him.  but when i do meet him, i’m going to do as they say in the south and hug his neck.

disclaimer:  girls, you are going to have to tread lightly if you want to initiate this.  a guy might feel put on the spot.  i know you’d love for him to come right out and ask you this; you’re (we’re) built that way.  but a guy might feel like you’ve sprung a pop quiz on him that he didn’t study for.  just fair warning.

what do y’all think about this?  married folk, do you think this could translate to your relationship?


19 comments on “how to date: part 1

  1. Jennifer says:

    While highly applicable to the new and exciting dating relationship, its even more important in the long term married relationship. Too often, we get stuck in ruts and think we know everything about our spouse. How cool would it be to keep the conversation flowing and look forward to a surprise factoid about that man we’ve slept with every night for the last 10 years. I know how he likes his hamburgers, but I don’t know his personal best in a 440yd sprint.

    Indeed, Sharideth….brilliant!

  2. This is brilliant indeed.

    I wouldn’t think I was being put on the spot. I would think, “Wow. This is how we’re going to progress in this relationship!”

    But maybe I’m weird.

  3. I think we could put big giant red warning signs on your disclaimer. I could see Mr. Ricky Anderson handling it well (after all, the ability of men named Mr. Anderson to dodge bullets while wearing black trench coats is well documented, right?), but I could definitely see a lot of guys going “deer in the headlights” on this one.

    I do find the concept intriguing, though. Very much so.

    I would also be interested to know how frequently they talk. Every day? Twice a week? And how big are these new things? Is it okay if I noticed that your right thumb is slightly bigger than your left thumb today? Is that an acceptable epiphany? The analytical brain wants parameters to figure out if it can measure up. One new thing every day for 75 years is fewer than 30,000 new things, so it should be doable as long as small things count.

  4. my0wneyes says:

    That is brilliant…I am going to need to do this as well. This just made me smile. Thanks for that

  5. Jakz says:

    I think it’s a great idea. And it’s a heck of a lot better than following up a conversation with, “Did you hear a word I just said?”

  6. randomlychad says:

    We do a variation of this in my family: what was the best part of your day today? Best thing that happened? Great conversation starter.

  7. Marla Wynn Cooper says:

    Ability to form compete sentences: priceless.

  8. torcon1 says:

    As one of them “married folk” this is a GREAT communication starter or conversation segue. When my wife gets back from her trip tomorrow (she’s attending a funeral for the mother of a close friend and this tactic might not translate well) I plan to use it and will let you know how it goes…thanks for the tip!

  9. JBen says:

    I actually think the girl could initiate this. I think it shows a lot of confidence and an attitude of “I’m totally worth your time. You really ought to be paying attention to me.”

    Now, she could say it in an accusatory manner (not helpful) or she could do it very playfully. I would respond very well to that one. She HAS to smile when she says it. That would make me want to learn as much about her as possible for our next conversation. That way I could wow her next time.

    My own relationship would not be possible without skype. I LOVE talking to her. We talked for 8 hours on our second skype date. It was awesome.

    • I think you’ve pointed out how Sharideth’s “treading lightly” could work, Ben. It would have to be a girl with the playful personality for it to come off right. But I could see that working.

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