dear sharideth: letter #10

 

Dear Sharideth,

My cousin backed out of her wedding less than a week before go time. While less than fun, we figured it was better than a week after.

Fast forward a year.

I get an email that she’s getting married [the next day to a different guy]*, and would I like to come to the wedding?

Is this headed anywhere good?

Concerned Cousin

*bracketed info was inserted due to clarification exchange*

dear CC,

is it heading anywhere good?  to be honest, i have no idea.  the last minute wedding invitation, via email, the day before does make my Spidey senses tingle though.  it makes this feel not well thought out and impulsive.  two things that top my list of bad ideas when getting married.

couple that with her pulling a runaway bride, then jumping into another wedding a year later and it sounds like your cousin makes emotionally based decisions and runs on whatever seems best for her at any given moment.  that’s not encouraging.  but you know her better.  i’m willing to be wrong.  even hoping for it.

you are right about it being better to end the wedding the week before instead of the week after though.  that could show some courage.

but i can’t help but think her first fiance may have dodged a .35 caliber round.

all you can do is wait and see.  the deed is done.  the best advice i can give you is to not expend a whole lot of energy worrying about it, until if or when there is something tangible to worry about.

oh so sincerely,

sharideth

okay, my darlings.  what do you think about this?

 

 

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5 comments on “dear sharideth: letter #10

  1. JBen says:

    I knew a person who got married way sooner than I and a lot of other people thought she should have. I talked to her about it but she decided to go through with it anyway.

    I figure that pre-wedding (preferably pre-engagement) you are allowed to be concerned. Post wedding what the couple needs is support.

    So with this couple, the time for voicing concern is over. Now is the time to help them succeed in their marriage. Which can include voicing concern, but the point of it is to help strengthen their marriage.

  2. The best thing CC can do in this situation is encourage her to stick with the guy at all costs. She’s married the guy, now she needs to stick with it. CC may think it’s a bad idea that they got married, but the last thing anybody should do is get in there and break them up.

  3. Jenn says:

    I think unless you know everything that has gone down in her relationships, both with the previous and the current, you don’t have a lot of reason to be anything but supportive. I know your spidy sense may be telling you it is a whole lot of weird and it just might be. But who knows what happened in that last relationship – might have been as simple as poor judgement to the extreme of big secrets – abuse or infidelity. Who knows – well it seems like you and the grapvine of family gossip don’t so just step back, relax and see where it goes.

  4. Sounds like a flake, but I wish them well.

  5. Chris says:

    From the letter, it sounds like the wedding hasn’t happened yet. (Or did I just misread it?)

    If you’re close cousins, it’s probably worth a phone call at least, to make sure she knows what she’s doing. It’s her life and her decision, but friends and family can alert us to unforeseen dangers, and possibly help avoid heartache later. It’s kinda like having a friend who you know has your back. They tell you when you have broccoli in your teeth, and you thank them for it.

    If you’re not close, then I’m not sure what to say.

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