Secrets of the Purse by Jamie Golden

Jamie Golden takes pictures.  good ones.  then again i’m easily impressed since i take nothing but crappy ones with my iPhone.  something you can see over at my guest post for her today.  get a little glimpse of my life in pictures and while you’re at it, spend some time looking at Jamie’s pictures and chasing rabbits with her and her hilarious commentary.

but right now, go ahead and dig on her guest post.

Prologue: Sharideth is peachy.

I decided this week I’d concentrate less on a romance with a boy and more on a romance with God. I asked Him to keep the distractions at bay. He answered in a way to which I’ve become accustomed.

“Good luck with that, sweetheart.”

Rabbit sidebar: That divine response has less to do with His character and more to do with my consistent requests for the ridiculous.

Despite my ADD, I was willing to hunker down and focus. But as I opened my Google Reader, I was smacked by posts about dating and marriage and finding the right person and avoiding the wrong person and what women should not do and what men should do all the time. These writers pointed back down the road I had been traveling.

In the words of Joey Tribbiani: “How you doin?

Writing this guest post requires serious juggling of Holy Spirit fruit so I won’t be lured by your charming comments and boyish avatars.

So instead of guiding you gents on the serious relational aspects of us ladyfolk – I’ve chosen a topic that’s pretty and witty and gay.

But not gay. Not completely.

A Woman’s Handbag Must-Haves
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1. Makeup. I meet 2 life objectives with this bag. A. Made by African orphans which is a cause I cherish. B. Houses the greatest mascara ever swiped which is a cause I cherish. 

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2. Candy. There’s a reason we’re sugar and spice, etc. It’s supply and demand. And the uterus can demand like no other.

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3. Pens. If I give you my number, you can tell how invested I am by the pen I choose. Cross your fingers for a  sharpie, because then I’m in it to win it. I also believe a woman who values a good pen is worth her salt in flowers and mixed tapes.

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4. Phone. Great dating apps. Yelp for choosing the best restaurant. Skype for when we can’t be together. Facebook for stalking and GPS for quick getaways.

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5. Magic potions. The name of my lotion doesn’t even play, right? If I’m really going to get my head 100% into the Word, then I should probably swap this bottle out with Virtuously Pure Pomegranate. 

Have you ever discovered something odd or disturbing in a gal’s purse? What should a woman really have with her to navigate life with you guys?


18 comments on “Secrets of the Purse by Jamie Golden

  1. hugam says:

    Admittedly, I actually intimidated Joey while reading that. Friends reference, ftw!

    i completely identify with all of the handbag-haves. As one that loves office supplies (reads:is drawn to them like a magnet) I’m pretty sure that makes up 85%+ of my what I like to call, Mary Poppins Bag. Hey, you never know what you’re going to need! (don’t worry, it’s not quite that ridiculous)

    What else is necessary to navigate life with guys? food food food. It’s kind of a tricky one, but let be honest, here. If there isn’t a chance to stop, or just wanting to try and save, this is a must, I quickly learned) A Tide-to-go pen (or something similar) definitely goes under necessary things. You don’t have to say if its for you or him that needs to utilize this more. (;

    The strangest thing?
    I was at my boyfriend’s grandmas house recently and she literally pulled chicken out of her purse. Granted, it was in a plastic bag; but still. I’m all about left overs, but I’m not sure how good chicken from the fair is going to be the second time around. *shudder

    • Jamie says:

      #1: Hug for Mary Poppins. #2 I run a camp for adopted kids and one of them pulled chicken wings out of her luggage as her “bunk snack.” No.

  2. Jenn says:

    I use to have a massive purse – and had the above mentioned – normally a hair brush, bobby pins, an umbrella, ipod, Bible, patient files and so on and so forth. Now that I commute home via my feet (I run), my backpack has clothes, sunscreen, gatorade and my wallet. I miss my big bag

  3. Mandie Marie says:

    My cousin always carried a pair of children’s safety scissors in her purse because “you never know”. I do admit they came in handy on more than one occasion.

  4. Julie says:

    “I also believe a woman who values a good pen is worth her salt in flowers and mixed tapes.”

    And they all said: Amen.

  5. Brian says:

    I’m rarely afraid to ask a woman if I can browse through her purse. What really impresses me is when I find a book in a woman’s purse.

  6. JBen says:

    Haha, awesome. Facebook for stalking and GPS for quick getaways. Love it. I’d like to see someone give a guy her number with a sharpie but write it backwards on his forehead. That would be awesome as long as it didn’t happen to me.

  7. Charmaine Stanley says:

    I buck the trend a bit, I’m not too flash with hand bags. When I do have one it has alcohol hand sanitiser, nail clippers, my wallet full of receipts and almost no money (I’m a student), one pen, bandaids (I’m a hazard to myself), and if I’m lucky a chapstick. My phone is usually in a pocket of my coat or jeans.

    Don’t know how keen I’d be letting a guy rummage through my handbag, it’s like the personal space/privacy thing. I caught a guy going through my handbag at a wedding, he mistakenly thought it was his girlfriend’s, I felt exposed!

    • Jamie says:

      Are you a good manager of your receipts? I tend to throw them in and then never do anything else with them. Like a money manager might prefer. I agree on being territorial about the purse insides. It can be holy ground…

  8. Regan says:

    Let’s see… my purse has my wallet, a small New Testament, checkbook, cash, lists of different kinds, and wads and wads of receipts that I haven’t recorded yet. There might also be a coupon in there for a free can of Seattle’s Best Coffee. There’s a pen right now, but there’s no guarantee it will be there for long. Pens are like the North pole of the magnet, and I am like the South pole of the magnet.

  9. Every good game nerd understands that a woman’s purse is in reality a Bag of Holding, a mysterious bag linked to a pocket dimension capable of holding infinite things. Most likely, she could even pull a full-grown elephant out if she ever really needed one. That’s why you can’t find your car keys, because the elephants get bored and start playing with them.

    This description, however, does not include clutch purses, which exist mostly to ensure that whenever you really desperately need a fact from the Z volume of the Encyclopedia to save the world at a fancy dress ball, you will have only been able to fit A-D inside the clutch and will thus feel unprepared all evening.

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