i had an entirely different post in mind for today, but i read a blog this morning i think i want to respond to.
i don’t make it a habit of critiquing other people’s work, unless they ask me to, and that’s not what i’m going to do here. i fully recommend you read Don’s blog and make whatever judgments of it you want to. what i’m more interested in is the comments.
Don addressed women and he used words like “slutty”, “drunk”, “screwed up” and a slew of others in reference to the sexual behavior of women.
and people took offense. mainly women took offense. the biggest accusation was that Don’s assessment and choice of terms was insensitive and one-sided. one commenter said, “Those are shaming words. Those are words that burrow deep into a woman’s identity like gremlins and tell her she is damaged goods.”
i call bullshit.
Miller’s use of those words were honest and a direct reflection of how men view women who are easy to get into bed. and he is absolutely right.
he used those words to draw an ugly picture of what today’s sexual culture looks like. and for my part, i applaud him. the overall tone of his blog is encouraging and hopeful for women who have gone through seasons of sexually damaging behavior and gives very solid advice to them about how to get beyond it.
what those who take exception with him don’t get is things are not going to change as long as we all sugar coat bad behavior that causes us to become less than respectful.
and for women, the fastest way to lose respectability is to slut around. it’s just the truth. is it fair that guys not only get away with it but also get congratulated for their conquests? absolutely not. but denying the fact that women do get judged for it won’t change that.
and fyi, i just had a conversation with a friend of mine who told me that most guys, when they’re being honest, find no satisfaction in transient sexual relationships. because the truth is, while women are trying to land a man with sex, the men know they will never choose to have a relationship with someone who is that easy to get.
when it comes to women who have had excessive or damaging sexual relationships, instead of all this talk about sensitivity and allowing women to think it’s okay to blame everyone else for their sexual behavior, why don’t we all just do what Donald Miller did and call what it is. bad decision making. then help them to figure out how get past it and become someone quality men can respect. but more than that, become women who can respect themselves. something i don’t see happening until women who engage in this behavior look inside themselves to figure why they became willing to go there in the first place.
moral of the tirade? it is not insensitive to call bad behavior out by using the words that paint it for the ugliness it is. what is insensitive is to point it out without offering hope and help.
real change begins with a reality check.
*kicks the soap box to pieces*
all right. i know i opened myself up for a serious butt whooping with this one. feel free to let me have it. i’ve just changed into my big girl panties. tell me what you think.