Where to Take Girls on Dates by Tyler Tarver

once upon a time there was a boy.  and there was also Tyler Tarver.  who is a man.  how do i know?  because he’s already breeding offspring.  he also gave birth to a book.  a book with the most cleverest of all book titles, Words & Sentences.  a book that will in turn breed happy thought bubbles in your brain if you read it.  and that’s not weird or creepy or anything.  i know, cuz’ i read it.  my daughter is drawing pictures of herself reading it.  see?

okay, so that’s the one she drew of Tyler putting video biscuits in the oven and might have my electric bill sticking out the top.  whatever.  get the book.

then enjoy his guest post.  or thought bubbles of doubt and self-loathing will get in your brain.

You know, no you don’t because I haven’t told you, but you know what else? Sharideth is a chick. I was thinking to myself, while girls may statistically be shorter than men and can do a significantly less amount of pushups, they still like to be taken on dates.

Here are some potential date ideas to help out all the dudes Sharideth assists like Kobe never does.

The Movies: Are you kidding me? Chicks hate this. I mean, who likes the movies? No one. We can do better.

The Fair: Close your eyes and take in that smell. It’s a mix of funnel cake powder, carnie, and urine. How is a girl supposed to breathe in an atmosphere like that? By getting closer to you and your Dakkar cologne. You also get the chance to show her your hammer wielding skills when smashing that meter smash game. Their primal instincts are to go with you, Thor, because you’re a marvel of a man who can bust a meter better than Young MC can bust a move.

The Park: Oh yeah, you already know. Take that chick here and have a picnic, that way, when she’s all like oh my goodness, it’s so hot out here in the sun, you can be all like oh baby girl, that’s not the sun that’s me, you get it, cause I’m so hot. Boom, you’ve got her in your pocket cause now she’s realizing that you’re so attractive you cause her physical discomfort, which is what we in the cauldron business call: the jackpot.

The Concert: I just have one question with one word italicized for you: How can this not be the best date ever? Think about it, no seriously, take 20 minutes to think about it and come back. Welcome back. This is an awesome date because the music is so loud you don’t have to listen to her talk about clothes or her BFFs or Hello Kitty or fixing sandwiches or whatever it is women blab on about. Just tell her you can’t hear her over Li’l Wayne’s elegant and sophisticated musical discourse.

Well, now that you’ve heeded my advice, be prepared to get married because you are now undoubtedly Mormon cause I just got you like 30 chicks.

You’re welcome Sharideth and other chicks.

What’re some other lovely date ideas that never ever ever go wrong that ladies just love?

Tyler Tarver is tall but shorter than you’d think. You can check out his website tylertarver.com, subscribe to it here, check him on Twitter at @tylertarver, or just buy his brand new toilet book he won’t shutup about titled Words&Sentences that 4 people have said is “funnier than sliced bread.” He’s not as attractive as you, but he sure does love you.