getting dumped sucks harder than a Dyson. pretty much the only thing you have control over is how much and how long it’s going to suck. that’s entirely up to you.
here’s my Breakup Survival Guide to help you out:
- do not call her. do not pass go. do not collect $100. stay out of I Got Dumped jail by making it a clean break.
- do not answer the phone or reply to her texts. if she ended it, do not allow her to drag it out by taking her calls. send her a nice, short email or text and ask her not to contact you for a while. like a couple of months. give yourself a break and allow the emotional dust to settle.
- do not stalk her on Facebook. when she breaks up with you, the last thing you need to see are pictures of her sitting on some other guy’s lap. delete her dumping butt if you have to. it’s not mean, it’s for your own good.
- date. date. date. date. i know your heart is busted. i get it. but you need to not wallow. taking a new girl to the movies won’t kill you. just don’t talk to her about your ex-girlfriend.
- do dude stuff. hang with your boys. get season tickets to something, anything. just get back to being a guy for a while. you got dumped, not neutered.
- don’t go to places you know she’ll be. give her some space. am i condoning avoidance? yes. it will just make things awkward for you and everybody else. if it’s something that can’t be avoided, put a smile on your face and act like you just won the lottery. have a good time (pretend like you are) and even say “hey! good to see you.” in a tone of voice you would use for anyone you haven’t seen in a while. then walk away.
the key is going to be to pretend like you’re okay, until one day you wake up and you really will be. it’s the end of a relationship, not the end of the world. there’s no need to call in Ben Affleck.
what else should be on the list? hit me with #7…..