oh how we love our gadgets. phones, computers, iPads… they keep us connected to the magic interwebz 24/7. they also keep us connected to people. grandma is adorable on Facebook. who doesn’t love having her post about that one time you cried because you got a stuffed Smurf instead of white painter pants on Christmas as her status?
what were we talking about?
oh right. miscommunication, technology, blah blah blah.
i’m pretty good, i think, at using words to convey not only my point, but my emotional intent. it’s kind of my job. i’m a professional. but not even i would attempt to clear up a serious misunderstanding by the written word only. and certainly never with Craig.
i’m as into texting, Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and any other form of social media as anyone. love it. what i don’t love is how easy it has made it for people to move away from face to face contact. personal interaction and knowing how to have a real honest to goodness disagreement while looking someone in the eye is a dying art.
people know they can get away with doing it over the airwaves.
and it makes them meaner.
not having to face someone provides an imaginary security blanket to say something in a way that you wouldn’t dare if you had to do it while the person was looking right at you.
even when people aren’t meaner, they leave everything they say open to interpretation as far as intent and tone. there’s only so much that can be communicated with an emoticon. and i really hate those.
1. texting – i have had some friends show me the most horrible things that have been texted to them by their honey of choice. and their responses were no better. then when they are face to face they either pretend like nothing is wrong or simply don’t speak at all. neither of those things are acceptable in a healthy relationship. if you wouldn’t say it to her face, do not send it in a text. if you are already in the middle of texting war, end it. send one last text that simply says, “i don’t want to fight this way. let’s order some decent takeout tonight and talk.” then let it go. if you get a positive response, perfect. respond positively. if you get a negative response, let it go. do not react.
2. Facebook – i can’t begin to tell you how much i hate relationship status updates. they have caused more problems between people than politics. when people ask me about them, i always say unless you’re married, do not even use it. not only does it invite several hundred people into your relationship (never a good idea), it can cause much hurt if you change to something the other person does not understand. going from “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated” is a nightmare for you, her and all 634 of your closest friends. again, it invites people to butt in on what is going on in your relationship and address it on your wall. horrible.
and for god sake, don’t post anything ugly on your wall, her wall, mutual friends walls if things go south. that’s just cowardly and makes you look like a horse’s nether regions.
a relationship is difficult enough to navigate under the best of circumstances. do not shoot it in the head by hiding behind a keyboard.
i’m going to hit 2 more technology no-no’s tomorrow.
’til then…tell me your e-stories. doesn’t matter if it happened to you or not, we’ve all seen relationship train wrecks happen on the internet or via text.