guest post by Ben Crosthwaite

i was going to start my new round of guest posting next week, but last night, at about 8 o’clock, i got a guest post submission from an 18 year old kid with a plan.  Ben Crosthwaite asks some questions during his post and instead of me answering them, you guys should have at it.  when you finish laughing reading, check out what Ben is trying to accomplish by clicking the link below his post.  do it.  doooo it.

I know trying to push a girl off a bridge won’t make her want to date me.

That’s about where my understanding of what I could do that would instantly and permanently make a girl NOT want to fall in love with me ends.

That’s why I’m here.

Well, I’m kinda promoting a little project of mine, too. But I’m also here for the girl help. This seems like one of the best places to find it.

So, here it is.

I have this idea that there are a few things that I could do, likely accidently, that would offend the girl I like enough to scare her away forever. I’m currently assuming that there are certain deal breakers that will ruin what chances I have.

I’m here to find out if such a thing exists.

Are there any absolute deal breakers? Like, instant restraining order type feelings after one mistake from me. Is it possible to quickly go from “I might possibly maybe perhaps like you” to “You’re a disgusting lowlife that should die in a den of lions”?

There are a couple scenarios in my head. I’ll share. Then you guys can do your thing and share your insights in the comments.

guilty pleasure

So we’re hanging out. Asking each other shallow questions to get to know each other. We’re laughing. Everyone within a mile of us is staring in jealousy of our chemistry. She asks about guilty pleasures in entertainment. I don’t know why. She probably got it from a girly magazine’s date conversation tips or something.

Anyways, she says something cute. Then, through a “hey, this date is kinda fun” smile while leaning in to sip on her drink, she asks about me. I tell her that, even though my life revolves around music, and I pride myself on my tastes as I know she does, I actually kinda like Katy Perry.

She looks at me like I looked at my computer screen when I saw how Katy Perry looks without any makeup on. And then she reminds me how much she loves James Taylor. I say I love him too, but it’s too late.

She hates pop music. I do too. Except for the occasional moment with Katy Perry. Using the transitive property she decides she hates me.

What do you think? Can one major difference in tastes in music, movies, TV, books, food, etc. make that big of a difference?

the fact that I’m gay

I’m worried that if I tell the girl I like that I’m gay she’ll just write me off and won’t ever consider a romance with me. Is this a legitimate concern? Or am I just crazy for thinking that?

bad joke

Is one passing joke, like saying I’m gay after asking for girl advice, enough to ruin everything? I think I’m a pretty nice guy. I don’t like to go crazy with derogatory humor. That doesn’t mean I’m perfect though. Even if it’s not meant to be a put down. Like, if I say, pretend to be gay for a paragraph. Or laugh for days at a guy we saw trip over himself.

Scenario in my mind:

We’re at dinner. I crack a joke. She laughs. Hard. Then she remembers that one time I tried to be funny and really offended her. She pours salt in my eyes and hitchhikes home from Chili’s.

Is that crazy?

wanted in the wrong way

I know that if she goes to put something in the backseat and finds a mutilated corpse back there she’s going to freak. That’s understandable. But what if I get pulled over because her adorableness in the passenger seat was distracting and I went 8 over the speed limit? What if I J-Walk while we’re walking together and accidentally force her to commit a crime? What if I get too much change back and don’t go back and return it to the store? Will she write me off for that? Should I drive 10 under whenever I’m with her? Should I get rid of the bodies before we go out? Is one illegal thing, even if accidental, enough to make her mad?

winning at failing

Everyone is scared of failure to some extent. How scared should I be, though, of failing in front of her? I suppose if she hates me for shooting over par while we play mini-golf she probably isn’t worth the hassle anyways. But can one failure at the wrong thing completely turn her away?

I know if I fail to stop at a red light and end up putting us both in a coma she’s probably going to hold that grudge. I wouldn’t blame her. But will she hold it against me if she comes to my show and I muff what was supposed to be a face(or in her case; heart)-melting solo? What if we go go-karting and I drive through the wall and break a bystander’s legs? Can one embarrassing mistake be more than just embarrassing? Could it bring us closer as friends, but farther away from being the old couple eating ice cream in the park together? Could an embarrassing mistake actually ruin my chances?

Those are just a couple scenarios I’m worried about. What do you all think?

Are there any absolute deal breakers? One time things that can ruin it all.

I read this blog all the time. I know you can kill it.

Let the comments fly.

(Ben is 18, single, and likes Carrie Underwood. He likes her a lot. He’s also trying to raise $10,000 in 100 days to split 50/50 between recording equipment and a clean water project for a village. Check out thesoundofwater’s campaign page here. Donors get things like free music, artwork, and a 1990’s Honda Civic’s. Seriously. Check it out. Oh, and he writes a blog about music, cute girls, and story over here.)

all right, my darlings, help the man out.

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78 comments on “guest post by Ben Crosthwaite

  1. JBen says:

    Ben-

    I think you are going to be ok. Those are all risks you are going to have to take. At some point in a relationship you have to trust the other person. If you can’t trust her with your “crush” on Katy Perry, why do you think you will be able to tell her the really personal and ugly stuff that goes on in your life?

    BTW, when I read that you had a “guilty pleasure” I immediately thought of Katy Perry. Why? Because she is mine as well. And my fiance HATES her with every fiber of her being. And she knows I “like” her.

    • most guys have a thing for her. it’s not a rare ailment.

    • Hey, thanks for the comment! I’ve been digging your blog lately. Funny and thought-provoking. Perfect blog combo.

      You can reference my comment to Peter below for more, but I wouldn’t actually freak out about the Katy Perry thing, or anything else of that importance. I was trying to exaggerate, but I guess I didn’t make it clear I was joking. By the way, I never mentioned a crush on Katy Perry. 🙂 I just like her stupid songs. She occasionally looks good, but that’s about as real as Donald Trump’s hair.

      With that said, I still appreciate you weighing in!

  2. Riggs says:

    thanks for the laugh! embrace your awkwardness.

  3. I’m not quite sure how to answer the “fact that I’m gay” question, because I’m not quite sure if you’re serious, and what you mean by it if you are. So I’ll provide separate answers for different scenarios:

    1) You are not actually gay, you just want to know how she’d react if you told her you were as a joke – I’d call this a bad idea. You’re putting your girl on the spot reacting to something that has all sorts of ramifications she has to deal with in an instant, for a laugh at her expense. Not cool.

    2) You are actually gay, as in only attracted to men – I’m presuming this is not what you mean, since that’d mean you were either:
    a) Leading her on, in which case you’d be a jerk.
    b) Not actually as gay as you thought you were, if you are actually interested in her.

    3) You are actually gay, but what you mean by that is bisexual, not homosexual; that would automatically lead to the question of whether you’re:
    a) planning to commit to one person, monogamous, for life, and open to it being either gender – in which case, you’d better ask some really deep questions about your ability to stick to that commitment and she may have doubts about that commitment as well.
    b) planning to commit to one romance but expecting to be able to have men on the side – in which case, you have some pretty big potential obstacles regarding her security, whether she herself plans to be monogamous, and risk of contracting something from casual sex that you then bring back into your marriage bed.

    All of the above is of course without any religious/moral comment on the question of homosexuality/bisexuality itself; I tried to limit it to a strict analysis of dealbreaker potential. All of those are dealbreaker potentials; and they’re all ones that you’d better be honest about, because they *should* be dealbreakers for her if she’s uncomfortable with them, and she shouldn’t go too far into a relationship without knowing, because deception can also be a dealbreaker.

  4. As for things not related to the gay question:

    Guilty pleasures and/or embarrassing mistakes can be dealbreakers for certain people, or opportunities for shared laughter for others. If it’s a dealbreaker for the other person, they’re probably not the one for you. If an ordinary mistake is a dealbreaker, she’s either got issues, or the mistake isn’t actually what she’s mad at you about, it’s just the situation that hit the “last straw” stage. Girls are bad about not speaking up at something that grates on them, and then losing it when a small thing get’s added on top and venting on you without actually stating that there’s something else they’re mad at besides the little thing. :>

    We should separate, however, between an ordinary mistake and an act of immaturity/irresponsibility. The latter may indicate to her that you are more trouble than she wants in her life till you grow up some more. They could be a setback rather than a dealbreaker if you work on them and show her you’ve matured. Who you are at 18 is a long way from who you’ll be at 25, for most guys. Guys might hit adulthood at 18 but most don’t hit maturity before 25. Sometimes longer. 🙂

  5. G Fresh says:

    I don’t think I could date a girl who was into Nickelback. That’s just…so wrong.

    Other than that, my only real deal breakers are major differences in religion, (ie; as a Christian I don’t think I could date a Pastafarian, but I could probably date a Methodist 🙂 ), politics and Star Trek captain preference (Janeway?? Really?? Kirk FTW.)

    Everything else is pretty much fair game. I have many flaws and frequently screw stuff up and I would hope that most of that wouldn’t be held against me. I’m betting most everyone else feels the same way about themselves.

  6. Mandie Marie says:

    One time a guy I kind of liked started singing Disney songs in the middle of a coffee shop. It was loud. People were looking. It was not the only deal breaker, however it definitely sealed the deal. Buddy was weird.

    That being said, if the guy I am dating now had burst into A Whole New World in the middle of Starbucks at the same point in time in our relationship, I would have laughed. It would have been funny from him, but weird with the other guy. Thankfully he didn’t do this. In public at least.

    What I mean is this: if she’s really not into you, the things you mentioned will probably be deal breakers. If she’s really into you, your crazy will be cute and endearing. It’s a good sign when you find someone who recognizes your crazy and loves you because of it, not in spite of it.

    Also: as a woman, I’ve had to come to grips with the fact that dudes like Katy Perry and I just have to get over it.

    But please get rid of the bodies because girls are sensitive to smell.

  7. So G Fresh got me thinking about dealbreakers outside the comic list.

    A few of mine (though these are of course guy to a girl rather than other way around):

    1) If she’s not a Christian, then no. A Protestant, a Messianic Jew, or a Catholic could all pass this dealbreaker if I was satisfied that they do truly know Christ (though doctrinal differences of importance, such as inerrancy of Scripture, could change that). A Muslim, a Mormon, a Jehovah’s Witness, or a non-Christian Jew would not pass the test. Any of the four deny the divinity of Christ and His death for sin as presented in the Scriptures, so none are Christians in my evaluation. G-Fresh is more efficient than me, just one-wording it as religion. :>

    2) Politics. While politics doesn’t seem a big issue for some people, it actually is an indicator for worldview, and two people who hold strongly opposite political beliefs will likely find they hold strongly opposite beliefs in other areas as well. A true liberal and a true conservative have widely different views of right and wrong and whether the end justifies the means. That *will* crop up in other areas besides just cancelling each other’s votes out at election time.

    3) Drug Use. Definite no. You’re not ready to be a responsible, functioning part of a relationship when you’re on drugs. Recovered is ok, but active user is not.

    4) Tobacco use. I can’t breathe if you’re smoking, and I don’t want to taste tobacco when I kiss you. Plus, I’d like you to not die of lung cancer, too.

    5) Alcohol. I’m a teetotaler. I won’t have alcoholic drinks in my house, so it would not be wise for me to marry a woman who disagreed. I don’t think having a sip of wine is a sin; I can’t find anything in the Bible that says so. It does say specifically not to get drunk; and that people in positions of authority (both kings and church leaders) should not be given to drink. It also says that not everything that’s permissible for us is wise (expedient, in Paul-speak); I personally believe anything that inhibits your ability to control yourself and thus puts you at risk of saying or doing something that would dishonor yourself and Christ is unwise, as are the health risks associated with prolonged alcohol use. Those are a couple of the reasons I don’t personally drink. So I’d want a wife who could understand that and be in agreement that there would be no alcohol in our relationship. I do have friends that are not teetotalers, and as long as I’ve no reason to believe they’ve got an alcoholism problem I probably won’t share my thoughts unless they ask.

    6) Really Low IQ is a probable dealbreaker for me. That’s not meant to in any way suggest they’re less valuable as a person than someone smarter. It’s just that I know myself well enough to know I need a wife who can keep up with me mentally, not just for intellectual connection but also so I can’t get away with too much.

  8. I tried to resist replying…
    but im gonna have to after Sharidieth accused me of being a meanie on twitter… so i thought id come here and be a meanie too.
    Ben, time to grow up.
    A relationship is not about hiding the ‘deal breakers’ to get a girl. Trust me, it will end sooner or later if there are hidden deal breakers.
    If you seriously need some sort of formula… here are my 3 pointers.
    1. Learn to be honest; with yourself and ALL your friends.
    2. Be yourself; dont try and fit some mold of what you ‘think’ a girl might want in you.
    3. Learn to be a man. kids focus on things like music tastes and colour preferences as deal breakers. Adults look for more.

    Cos in the end, if a girl wants anything different to that, she is not a girl worth being involved with. Be open and honest about what you like and what makes you tick.

    And finally, stop seeing a girlfriend as something to attain.
    She is not a possession or a ‘goal’ in life. The RIGHT partner will be someone that comes alongside you and you both find that you simply want to do life together. Your quirkiness will compliment hers. And her weird tastes or preferences will just be endearing or something to enjoy. If you are so shallow that a certain taste in music is a deal breaker.. she will be that shallow too, and visa-versa.

    So my friend, Take heart, you are not even getting close to the age where you should worry about not having a girlfriend… where-as Matty G-fresh probably is at that age 😉

    • Bingo, on not seeing a girlfriend as something to attain. Lots of people have them because everyone else does or because they don’t want to be alone, neither of which is a good reason.

    • G Fresh says:

      Thanks Pete. You and my grandma really know how to make a guy feel just super. 🙂

      When I went home over Christmas, Grandma asked me if I was seeing anyone. When I told her no, she kind of sadly said, “Well, God doesn’t intend for everyone to get married.”.

      Thanks Grandma.

      I’m really hoping I don’t have the “Gift of Paul” because girls are awesome and I’d really like share my life with one someday—preferably before I get to the age where I’d have to register at Pfizer for some little blue weddings gifts for the honeymoon.

      • the moment you stop worrying about it and wanting it to happen will be the moment some gorgeous girl will appear in your life.

        • Mandie Marie says:

          Dear peteraaronking,

          Please read this: https://guidetowomen.wordpress.com/2011/03/30/perpetual-singleness-a-guest-post-by-amanda-bast/

          Politely disagreeing with your statement,

          Amanda

          • for the record, i did not tell G-fresh to stop looking. I said stop worrying. It is not worth it.
            Your post doesnt really disagree with mine. 🙂

            • Mandie Marie says:

              “wanting it to happen”? Isn’t that like looking?

              • Ok, maybe i should’ve used the word ‘willing’ or ‘needing’ it to happen. ‘Wanting’ is an ok substitute.
                There is nothing more unattractive than a ‘needy’ single person.
                When you are whole alone, 2 x whole people combined make a great couple.
                If you have a desperate void in your life that needs filling, that void is gonna suck the wrong type of matter into it.
                ‘Looking’ is natural. We are wired to look and search out a partner. Worrying and being needy is a lack of trust in our maker.

                • Mandie Marie says:

                  I completely agree with you on this.

                  I was disagreeing with the “When you __________, then _________ will happen.” statement.

                  There is no magic formula for dating…

          • well, at least peter read it. 😉

        • Chris says:

          Peter writes: “the moment you stop worrying about it and wanting it to happen will be the moment some gorgeous girl will appear in your life.”

          I think this is true to a certain extent. But the risk is that, deep down, we want that Right Person so badly that when they seem to arrive, it is easy to get caught up in the joy of discovery.

          The hard part, maybe especially for a guy, is that when that gorgeous girl shows up, it is at that very moment that you need to determine if she is still the right one. Or rather, whether it is right to pursue a full relationship. Just because she likes you and you like her, doesn’t mean it is right.

          This is where being honest with yourself and ALL your friends, as Peter wrote earlier, can really help. It can help remove personal blind sides, before the romance begins.

          I don’t mean to be adding Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt here. I just want to point out that the things we desire shouldn’t be the things that drive us, and sometimes it is at the point where our dreams are about to be fulfilled that it is easy to make mistakes.

      • Well, if it helps, you’re not the oldest single guy here. I’ve got you by 7 months, G :>

    • Chris says:

      Meanie or not, I think these points are important to remember… and usually so easy to forget!

    • Peter, thanks for caring enough to write such a long comment. 🙂 To be honest, I have to agree with most of what you said. What I realized though, when I saw a few of these comments is that I’m not great at making it clear when I’m being serious and when I’m joking. Most of my post was a joke. I thought the hyperbole and sarcasm was easier to pick up on then it apparently is.

      With that said, I didn’t want it to be a waste of time. I was curious to hear what people would say about the idea of deal breakers. A few of the broader questions I asked were legit.

      I totally understand that I shouldn’t be concerned about liking Katy Perry (by the way, it’s just her music. I don’t find her very attractive). I know that if a girl gets offended by something that insignificant she’s not worth it. I know I’m 18, but I’d like to think I’m a lot more mature than that. This post was meant to be more for laughs than anything. I guess it’s just that I’ve never written a post that so many strangers have read, and I realize now that I didn’t do a great job establishing the fact that 90% of the post was just fun. Lesson learned.

      Also, about your comments about a girlfriend being something to attain, I’ve actually never had a girlfriend, nor have I ever been upset about that. I have a girl in my life that I think the world of, and my view of her is not even close to “a possession”. I almost got offended that you would think I’m “that shallow”, but I guess it’s not worth getting offended over. This is all about a blog post where I claimed to have mutilated bodies in my car. 🙂

      Thanks for being the first stranger that’s cared enough to disagree with me over something I wrote.

  9. Brian says:

    About the only deal breaks for me are:

    Tobacco and illegal drug use
    Hating on U2

    I use to have a longer list. As I’ve met more people, that list has shrunk almost down to nothing.

  10. Charmaine Stanley says:

    Fascinating questions, had me giggling a lot!

    For myself, I was not prepared to get into a relationship with someone before I knew them reasonably well as a friend first, that can eliminate quite a few of the ‘deal breakers’ before you even get as far as the girlfriend/boyfriend/couple stage. Then you know you are interested in someone who is (so far) compatible with you, gets your sense of humour, isn’t surprised by your quirks, and enjoys your company without a critical eye.

    The main thing is to be yourself, you don’t have to share all of yourself with every girl who is your friend, but hiding who you are doesn’t help either.

    Hope that helps somewhat, just my perspective *shrug* 🙂

  11. Man, you lot are super serious for a super funny post!

    One time I took a girl to a Revecca St. James concert. I think my one act of stupid that was the deal breaker was when we got to meet RSJ and I got down on one knee and proposed to her in front of my date.

  12. This thread has epic fail written all over it.

    1. If you don’t look for love, you won’t find love.

    2. Never “be yourself” if that’s not working.

    3. Don’t take dating and relationship advice from women unless those women date other women. Women give wretched dating advice like “Be yourself”.

    4. What the hell is wrong with Katie Perry? Actually, who IS Katie Perry? What, another pop musician who will fade away by next month? Pah-lease.

    5. Learn Game. (This will tell you to be pursuing at least three girls at the same time)

    • welcome to the party (again) privateman.

      i’ve stayed out of the comments for the most part with this post, since it really wasn’t my post, but i’ll respond to you, if you don’t mind. i’ll take your comments in order.

      1. true and not true. staying in the dating game is more apt to find you love than not, but on occasion, love can do the finding. lord, that sounded cheesy even to me, but i’ll stand by the truth of it.

      2. i’m assuming this is something you know from personal experience.

      3. you do know where you are, right? if you want to take on something i’ve said on the blog specifically, feel free. i’m all in. but gross generalizations like this just make you sound like a misogynistic tool.

      4. you mean other than you misspelling her name? not a thing.

      5. actually not a bad plan unless you forget where game ends and sincerity begins. eventually you are going to have to “be yourself” for anything real to happen. unless of course your whole point is just to get laid. in which case, your middle name may as well be Craftsman.

    • If “be yourself” isn’t working, it means one of two things (or sometimes both):

      1) You’re “being yourself” with the wrong girls
      2) Yourself isn’t a likable person, in which case you need to fix you before inflicting you on girls.

      People who aren’t into you is normal. People you aren’t into is also normal. Sharideth isn’t into me; I think she’s into some guy named craig or something. This has no bearing on my worth. I’m not into Oprah. I’m sure Oprah’s not losing sleep over the lack of my undying affection. You can be yourself all you want to in the wrong place and you won’t find the right one.

      On the other hand, if you think it might be that yourself isn’t likable, look at who your close friends really are. If they’re jerks, chances are that you’re a jerk. If they’re really nice people, chances are that you are too. Really nice people can have issues of insecurity, bad habits, etc, too of course. If you identify an issue, then work on it. If you don’t seem to have any overwhelming universally annoying traits, refer back to option 1. You’re looking at the wrong girls.

      As for Learning Game:

      You’re doing it wrong. This is not about winning a game, it’s about relationship. Pursuing three girls at a time in the hope one works out to your benefit is a self-centered approach, not love. Unless all you’re after is sex, in which case you’re a predator, not a romance.

      For a humorous take on this, watch “School for Scoundrels” from 1960, starring Ian Carmichael.

    • Brian says:

      2. Why would I ever not be myself? If a girl falls for me, I want them to fall for me and not some fake persona I’m wearing.

      3. Yikes. If I all I wanted to do is get into some girls pants, I’d probably not consult a woman for dating advice. If you want to know what women really want and what they expect from men, the best person to talk to is a woman.

  13. “You’re doing it wrong. This is not about winning a game, it’s about relationship. Pursuing three girls at a time in the hope one works out to your benefit is a self-centered approach, not love. Unless all you’re after is sex, in which case you’re a predator, not a romance.”

    I realized that I was wrong.

    The OP should be pursuing FOUR women simultaneously because this reduces his chances of rejection.

    At his age, he should be pursuing women for sex. That’s part of a perfectly healthy male sex drive. It’s his biological imperative to spread his seed widely.That’s not being a predator, that’s a young man doing what he should be doing. I hope he gets laid with a new girl every week. You go, boy!

    Oh, and I am a misogynistic tool. I generalize about women and girls all the time. Screw political correctness. PC breeds bossy and domineering harridans. It also breeds tepid and spineless NiceGuys(tm).

    Political correctness leads to relationship failure. The best dating and relationship advice: The masculine attracts the feminine. The feminine attracts the masculine.

    It really is that simple.

    • Treating women as objects for your use? That’s being a predator, yes. It might involve attraction, but not love, because it’s all about you, and love isn’t about you. Love is about the person you love. Nor does it create a relationship. At best, it creates a facade. In reality, it turns you into a con artist and a thief. But it sears your ability to understand the value of what you’ve played with.

      Sex is more than just a biological impulse. It’s designed to build and strengthen emotional connection, security, and intimacy. Repeated forming and breaking of those bonds damages you in ways you don’t see, because it damages your ability to have something real by training your body and being to respond to something that isn’t real. Spend all your time in a world full of lies and you won’t know how to handle the truth.

    • i think you’d be surprised how not far apart we are in ideology. what i can’t figure out (and i did spend time on your blog) is if you want a real relationship or just a vagina that will make you a sandwich.

      it’s really hard to tell through the all-women-are-dumb-and-think-all-men-are-creepy-rapists thing.

      the truth is you have a point (to a point), but it gets buried in how awesome and dickish you want everyone to think you are.

      • I prefer the more appropriate name of “peckerhead”, thankyouverymuch.

        Douchebag works well, too.

        As for what I want, I want choices in the nature of my relationships with women. Frankly, it’s a man’s job to drive the relationship. I also want more men to learn the skills necessary to successfully drive a relationship.

        As for snickeringcorpses, that person is just a victim of emotional pornography.

  14. fair enough. peckerhead it is. it’s one of my personal favorites as well and highly under used in my opinion.

    couple of questions. honest ones.

    1. what kind of choices do you want? are you speaking in terms of a variety of women or a spectrum of intimacy in the relationship or something else?

    2. do you think men alone should drive the relationship with women as passengers or do you think there is a partnership (at any level) that should be entered into? and for the sake of argument, let’s just say the woman in the relationship is a quality, sane female.

    • 1. The choices I want are based on the quality of woman and the mood that I’m in. If I want to hump and dump, so be it. If I want something based on emotional commitment, she’d better prove that she is worthy.

      2. Yes. Since there are so few quality, sane women… the man makes the rules. End of story. Don’t like it? Prepare for humpage and dumpage.

      Side note to snickeringcorpses – take the red pill.

  15. Chris says:

    theprivateman: Manipulation is not love. I’m sure (from your blog) that you don’t like it when women try to manipulate you, such as with political correctness, and women don’t like it when men try to manipulate them.

    I think the solution to manipulation is not more crafty manipulation. Speak the truth instead. A woman trying to manipulate to get her way? Call her on it. And vice versa.

    Wrestling in an epic struggle of wills in some kind of game to achieve dominance won’t result in the natural harmony that men and women are supposed to enjoy. Yes, men are to lead their wives with love, and women are to reverence their husbands. But you won’t get there with trickery. Only truth and love.

    • Manipulation is not love. Of this much I agree.

      But the craft of women is the art of manipulation. Call them out and they run away. A woman’s trickery is called “dating advice” from other women. Political correctness is the zenith of manipulation.

      • Chris says:

        As far as I see your argument, it sounds like you’re saying that as long as women won’t change, then you won’t change either. But this is not leading, and it’s not leading with love.

        If women run away, that is up to them. But it is the man’s role to be upright and consistent in doing the right thing, and then do his best to improve (or to use a Biblical word, edify) his woman with love, not returning tit for tat, or evil for evil. We are to show them the better way, with a living example.

        If manipulation is not love, then how do you expect to find love, if you don’t use love in the search for love? And worse, you are recommending that others follow the same path of manipulation.

  16. heather joy says:

    Seriously, this post made me laugh like you wouldn’t believe. In fact, I just had surgery, and I believe I may have ripped a stitch while reading this post. so thanks for that.

    Secondly, I don’t have any answers for you really. because in all honesty, I’ve had a lot of the same questions… but about myself. *sigh*

    hopeless. case.

  17. I have about 20 dealbreakers. None of the scenarios you mentioned even come close. I think you will be just fine. Also, if someone won’t date you because you admit to loving Katy Perry (or in my case, The Bieber) they are a humorless twit and you want nothing to do with them. I bet they have something shameful on their iPod. Like Lou Bega (look it up, you will understand what I mean).

    • Now, I don’t love Katy Perry. I just like her music more than other bad pop music. I’ve got plenty of celebrity crushes, but Katy Perry isn’t one of them. Now that that’s cleared up :p, I looked up Lou Bega… yeah, that’s a legit deal breaker. Weird stuff. haha, thanks for sharing.

      (wait, are you saying you like Justin Bieber?)

  18. Ben, you are a gifted comedic writer – the geniusical irony of telling a girl you’re trying to engage in romance that you’re gay is maximum awesomeness in a “Victor-Victoria” kinda way. It’s akin to the vegan who takes his steak medium rare.

    Thanks for sharing Sharideth!!

  19. Excellent work, keep it up.

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