ya know how people tell you guys that the only thing you have to do to have a successful relationship is to always say, “i’m sorry. you’re right.” regardless of whether either of those things are true? yeah, i’m going to throw the BS flag.
don’t get me wrong. apologizing is a necessary element of any healthy relationship. but apologizing just to keep the peace, is not. that is one-sided and spineless.
how do you know if you’re with a girl who will do this to you? the ramp up can be subtle.
the 3 levels of emasculation hell:
1. guilt – she’ll start by making you feel guilty for inconveniencing her in any way. you’ll be apologizing, but you really won’t know why.
2. preemptive apology – you’ll begin to realize that you may have just done something she won’t like and prepare your apology ahead of time.
3. concession – no matter what she’s upset about, you will apologize without even giving it much thought. you’ve been beaten.
no. no. no. no. no. no. no.
apologies, real apologies, should be sincere, not done at emotional gun point. you should know why your apologizing and truly feel sorry.
a forced apology means nothing.
i am a big fan of working out misunderstanding. do that. talk. come to a meeting of the minds. but do not, under any circumstances, say you are sorry for something you didn’t do.
you can apologize if you did something or came across in a way you didn’t intend. that is perfectly fine. consider it a teachable moment. what you should not do is roll over like some useless cocker spaniel and offer up your nether regions for kicking.
having an apology demanded of you when you did nothing to apologize for is unreasonable and controlling. feel free to say, “hang on a minute, that’s not how that went and you know it.” and she does know it. make no mistake. this is a power play. it may not be making you kneel and kiss her ring, but the intent is the same. submission.
don’t do it.
have you ever apologized for something you didn’t do just to stop the drama?