how not to get dumped

 

 

*disclaimer* there is no way i can guarantee you won’t ever get dumped.  you probably will.  what i can offer is ways to minimize the carnage.

see, there are only two ways to get the heave ho.

justly

and

unjustly

justly means you deserved it.  you said, did, were something or someone who needed dumping.  a friend of mine is deep in the midst of self-flagellation for being a blind a-hole.  probably lost the one girl who’s ever really loved him.  how?  took her for granted.  figured she’d hang around no matter how little emotional stability he gave her.

he was wrong.

and now he knows it.  to his credit, he takes full responsibility for it.  let’s all hope he’s learned something with some staying power.

unjustly means you got dumped by someone you probably should have dumped first.  or maybe should have never dated to begin with.  you didn’t do anything wrong, probably even did most things right, you just happen to be doing them for someone who was never going to appreciate it properly. 

her loss.  not yours.

if you fall in the “justly” category, there’s really only way for you stop being a tool or doing tool-like things.  your happiness has to become directly related to hers.  you have to look outside yourself and think of her (and others in general) as more important than yourself.  you will never find a relationship of any quality until you do.

if you fall in the “unjustly” category, spend the first couple of minutes being grateful you dodged a bullet.  this will give you some perspective and probably soothe the ache the dumper left behind.  then get back out there and find someone who is freaking worthy of you.

for specifics on why people get dumped, spend some time at That’s Why I Dumped You.  from the hilarious to the insightful, it’s all there.  and if you recognized yourself in 1 or 2 or 187 of them, maybe it’ll give you something to think about.

what’s the lamest dumping excuse ever used on you or that you’ve heard of?

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15 comments on “how not to get dumped

  1. My favorite of the first two pages: “Because your wife emailed me, and shes a really nice person.” That’s what you call busted right there.

  2. Jenn says:

    The lamest excuse I’ve heard was I wasn’t pastor’s wife material, it was actually a little more drawn out then that but really when you’re on a 11 hour flight with the person and you’re only about 4 hours in, does it really matter. For the record he was really looking for a doormat and not a wife and he got it *dodged bullet*

    As for one I’ve used – I don’t think it was lame, though it was an attempt at being polite and as non-passive as possible – I kicked my abusive ex-fiance to the curb via a I need to find myself in therapy route – entirely true and I did. But quite frankly I’d had enough of his sh*t, therapy just made that statement easier

    • “I feel so connected to you I need to date other women.” True story. This same man said he loved me in June, met another woman in an airport in July, started dating her in August and married her in June. When I said, “why her and not me?” His reply, “She’s more messed up than I am…” Awesome.

  3. him: “i can’t keep dating you because you can’t tell anyone anything about me and i think you will.”

    me: “who are you, James Bond?”

  4. Mandie Marie says:

    What if….he’s a totally wonderful guy, but it just isn’t a good fit? I’ve dumped a guy like that. Really great guy, who did nothing “wrong” per say. It just wasn’t right. Did I find a loophole?!?

  5. Chris says:

    Quote: “… probably lost the one girl who’s ever really loved him.”

    This comes dangerously close to being fatalistic rubbish, in my books. You phrased it in the past tense, so it’s technically safe, but many people could read this and assume this translates into the future. This is the kind of talk that could discourage a guy from trying again, and wallow in doubt and self-pity for ages.

    I think people are more compatible than we tend to believe. Almost dangerously flexible in some circles. Myself included. Once we find someone we like, many cautions go out the window. But I think relationships are more a matter of picking a jewel and polishing it, than finding your once-in-a-lifetime needle in a haystack.

    And if we remembered this, then being dumped wouldn’t be such a tragedy. It would still suck, but it wouldn’t be a disaster.

    • for the record, prior to the girl he lost, the closest my friend came to a relationship was being able to remember a girl’s name the next morning.

      so the phrase is accurate.

      as is your assessment of how people are suppose to work. if you look under “Featured Posts” on the right, there’s a blog called “the one”. you’ll find i more than agree with you.

      thanks for the comment. hopefully you’ll hang around and come to the conclusion there is nothing fatalistic about what i do here.

      at least i hope not.

      • Hasn’t been a fatality at Sharideth’s blog since that unfortunate incident with the overzealous delete button that erased the commenter instead of the comment. Oh, wait, fatalistic….forget I said that. 😀

      • Chris says:

        No, you’re not fatalistic. This is a hopeful blog, from what I’ve read, meant to be encouraging.

        Just that style of language (or, apparently, even language close to it) raises red flags for me, which probably means I’m (overly) sensitive to it.

        Similar to the demotivational poster in your next post. It is too easy to believe that you’re in the desert and lose hope, which is what makes the poster so funny, because to some degree, those feelings can be real. But I think the reality is different. We can feel like we’re in the desert, while being surrounded by water.

        Thanks for your reply!

  6. Lisa Mokaba says:

    Hey, it’s Lisa from That’s Why I Dumped You. Thanks for linking to us in your post! Justly and unjustly is definitely a good way to look at it. We’ve heard a lot of pretty lame excuses on our site but the worst, I think, are the ones that say “So you couldn’t dump me first.” It probably shouldn’t be a power struggle. Then again, I’m a cofounder of a break up site and will likely die alone, so I wouldn’t take my word for it…..

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