no. you’re not.
thinking you are always right, makes you more wrong than most.
a friend of mine is highly intelligent, well educated, a natural leader and organized. she gets things done and she is often right about how to get them done.
however, she is so use to everyone just following directions that when someone has a suggestion or something else to contribute, she can’t hear it. won’t hear it. steam rolls over the person making the suggestion. she doesn’t mean to be a condescending bully, and would be truly hurt by the idea that she is perceived that way, but none-the-less…
she also doesn’t realize she’s lost friends over it. she thinks they were being hypersensitive and difficult. it is completely off her grid that she just might be to blame.
it is really tough to confront people like my friend and actually get heard. there are some born with the ability to speak so confidently, it is difficult to think they are wrong about anything. they can convince you the sky is puce, to buy that piece of crap used car or that Britney can sing. it’s crazy.
for those who are right all the time:
1. get over yourself – you are not necessary. the world won’t end without your input. it is profoundly arrogant to think no one but you is capable of accomplishing something. or even that it just won’t get done well without you.
2. respect others – you do understand how condescending it is when you insist on things being done your way, right? even if it is “more” right. maybe it’s only more right for you. everyone has different skill sets and approaches to a problem. let them do it their way. unless they are actually your child, do not treat them like one.
3. let it go – step away. breathe. i know this is going to irritate the crap out of your inner control freak, but do it anyway. ultimately you will learn to relax. you’ll be happier. and god knows, everyone around you will be happier.
for everyone else:
1. trust your instincts – the know-it-all in your life may be terrifying, but trust your gut. if you think something is wrong, it probably is. it is perfectly acceptable to take a few minutes away from the steam roller, gather your thoughts and separate the logic from the bull crap.
2. say something – find your spine and ask to have a word. now, here’s the hard part, do not let the one you are confronting cut you off. because they will. it’s their most dangerous weapon. they will try to shut you down before you ever complete a thought. do. not. allow. it. don’t be afraid to be kindly mean. what the french does that mean? say something like, “i’m going to need you to shut up until i’m finished saying what i need to say.” say it firmly but not angrily.
3. stand your ground – the first thing that is going to happen when you have your say is that they are going to tell you all the reasons why you’re wrong. this is where you have to turn it back around on them and let them have it right between he eyes. how do you do that? by saying something like, “do you realize how little you think of me and what i’m capable of?” or “wow, didn’t realize you had so little respect for me.” they will sputter and deny. do not back down. you must expose it for what it is
the always right and the always convinced are both going to have rise to the occasion for real communication to happen. relationships are not governed by one person. ever. healthy relationships are maintained together. mutual respect is not negotiable.
i am guilty of being on both sides of this. i’ve been spineless and i’ve been the know-it-all. neither are attractive.
how about you? are you the bulldozer? or the bulldozee?
okay, i know this one was on the serious side, so here you go…