cop car wisdom

did you miss me?  i missed you.  however, i do not regret a single second of the much needed break Craig made me take.  got to see some great friends, buy some vintage clothing and drive a rental car for 10 hours to get home because i couldn’t get a standby flight.  okay, that last part wasn’t so awesome, but still totally worth it.

anyhoo, i’m back and ready to drop some knowledge.  here we go.

my brother is a cop and tells some great stories.  as most cops do.  especially this one.  but on saturday, he gave me one for the blog…

he got a call to go pick up a guy who had a no contact order against him and was parked a block from his/his wife’s house.  the story is this:

he’s 21 years old and just back from Iraq.  came home to his wife and new baby.  he has a buddy who needed a place to crash, so he let him move in.  yeah…long story short, the wife decides she likes the buddy better, wife and buddy come up an abuse story to get the restraining order and the house.

oh yeah, they’re quality people. 

the guy who got the shaft parked his car a block away to wait for his “buddy” to come out of the house so he could confront him.  not an unreasonable thing to do, in my always never humble opinion.  but the wife saw him and called the cops.

enter my brother.

he gets there, gets the story from both sides and decides the husband is on the up and up, while the wife is “a real piece of work”.  feeling bad, my brother cuffed the husband and put him in the back of the car.  had to do it since the no contact order is still in effect.

on the way to the station, my brother said, “look man, sometimes you’ve just got to set it free.  walk away.”  the guy says, “i hate that phrase ‘set it free’!  my dad said that to me.  ‘if you love something, set it free…blah blah blah.’  i say, ‘if you love something, set it free, if it doesn’t come back, that’s what huntin’ is for.'”

go ahead and snicker.  it’s totally snicker worthy.  my brother outright laughed.  the guy was joking, of course, but i kind of get it.

i understand his wanting to confront the dude who stole his family.  who wouldn’t?  but you know me, i’m an all or nothing kind of girl.  either confront them both or let it go.  one is not more to blame than the other.

it’s human nature to want to place blame when a relationship goes south.  especially in a cheater cheater pumpkin eater situation.  it is also way easy to fixate on the negative emotions by convincing ourselves we’re just looking for justice.

the truth is, my brother was right.*  you have to set it free.  the emotions, the blame, the quest for satisfaction.  and it’s got nothing to do with letting the person/people who hurt you off the hook.  it’s about staying sane and getting your life back.

that is far more important than vindication.

it is also applicable for any relationship in your life.  people can find all kinds of ways to hurt you.  it’s like an evil super power.  what they can’t do is dictate how you respond.  that’s 100% up to you.

choose peace.  choose freedom.  choose to step away from anything hostile.  you’ll be better for it.

is there a situation in your life right now you need to let go of?  how do plan to do it?

*don’t tell my brother i said he was right.  it’ll go to his giant cop head.


6 comments on “cop car wisdom

  1. Motorcop says:

    “Giant cop head”? I am unfamiliar with that phenomenon.

  2. Jenn says:

    I’m back too! Yay. I have to say I completely agree. Forgiveness is incredibly hard, even more so when the other party feels they are right/justified etc. With forgiveness comes peace and with that freedom. It is by no means easy – but I don’t do it because it is easy now, I do it because it makes my future a life I want to have/deserve to have.

    Sort of an aside to this I live in the beautiful city that had a riot this past week – the pendulum reaction has been social media lynching of the perperators. Yes their actions (the rioters) grieved me deeply – however, that does not permit me the right to go “huntin'” to borrow the phrase. Justice comes in many ways but bottom line if I use my rage/pain/grief as fuel for that justice, it in the end isn’t really just.

  3. I hate it when you’re right.

    I was kinda hoping for an awesome comeuppance for the best friend though. That’s a special kind of low.

  4. Jennifer C. says:

    Man, I sure did miss a lot being away this summer. (in the process of catching up)

    I always think I forgive and ‘set it free’ until I see said person/ group succeeding or read something about/ by them on the net. My reaction tells me that I have not forgiven. I guess I have trouble wih true forgiveness for some issues.

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