oh Fonzie…how wise you are. now go punch a jukebox and play me some Keith Urban while i make the world better for lovers.
Mr. Winkler-Fonzarelli has it right. assuming you understand what the other person is trying to communicate during a verbal skirmish will eat away at any real understanding. what isn’t right is that whole “if you assume, it will make an ass of u and me” thing. nope. it pretty much just makes an ass of you.
communication takes effort.* coloring what the other person is saying with your own (probably busted) filter doesn’t help.
when trying to understand what is actually being said, there are some things you need to remember.
*warning* list ahead…
- do not assign evil motives – unless you’re dating Lex Luther, you cannot assume everything that comes out of your snuggle buddy’s mouth is meant to do you harm. that’s not only unlikely, it’s unreasonable.
- ask for clarification – if you think an emotional dart has just been hurled at your left ventricle, ask if that was what was intended. give the other person a chance to a) take another stab** at what they actually meant or b) apologize for hitting below the belt. for a decent partner in love crimes, those two options are going to be at the top of the reasonable list.
- don’t stew in your putrid juices – do not wait to get clarification. engage immediately. things get bigger the more we try to figure them out without knowing the reality. internalizing what someone has said without actually talking to them about it is bad for business. it also becomes harder to approach the issue the longer you wait. you have to remember that your beloved may not even be aware you’ve been hurt.
above all class, stay optimistic and don’t look for negative ways to interpret what’s being said.
clarify. clarify. clarify.
what you hear may not be what was intended.
have you ever made assumptions about the intent of another person?
*you’ll hear this sentence a lot during this series.
**pun totally intended.