“i want a sensitive guy”

no you don’t.

when a woman says she wants a sensitive guy, she means she wants him to be sensitive to how she feels.  period.

women (in general) are emotional creatures.  do these emotions often cause confusion and panic for men?  oh hecks yeah.  she might make you think she wants sympathy and compassion and for you to get in touch with your inner Jennifer Aniston, but that’s not even in the hemisphere of what she needs.

she needs an emotional spigot.  someone who can turn off her waterworks.

the practical make-up of guys is the antidote to her bat$#!+ crazy.  you’re the safety on her hairpin trigger.  it’s something an emotionally healthy girl will appreciate.

she really doesn’t want you to be sensitive ponytail guy and write poetry about every emotion you’ve ever had.  she needs you to know what she’s feeling and brace yourself so she has someplace solid to land.  the more emotionally consistent you are, the more she will learn to trust and breathe.  she might even learn a thing or two about keeping her own emotions in check.

craig’s so stable, i don’t even have emotions anymore.

okay, that might be overstating it…i have a couple.

think of it as the emotional equivalent of “don’t feed the bears”.  the more you feed into her histrionics, the more she’ll wallow in them.

just to be clear, we’re talking about exaggerated emotional responses to situations that just aren’t that big of a deal.  not legit strong emotions like grief.  we’re talking rage over a stolen stapler or a meltdown because her stylist used the wrong shade of honey-blond.

here’s the short list of how to handle her…

1.  don’t be patronizing – that’s like waving a red flag at a hormonal bull.

2.  stay calm – no sudden movements.  don’t speak until she gives you an opening.  lead with something like, “is it safe for me talk now?”  that will convey both interest and the fact that you’re mildly frightened by her behavior.  both will probably calm her down.

3.  stay calm – speak in a practical tone.  no cowering.  neutral face expressions are a must.

4.  stay calm – oh man, i almost used a Twilight reference right here.  whew.  disaster averted.  lead by example.  wait her out and let her run down on her own.  when she sees you’re listening but not reacting, she’ll follow suit.  probably.

the truth is, women need men as their emotional barometer sometimes.  someone to remind them what’s reasonable.  in return, you will be gifted with the balance you need to not become some emotionally stunted douche bag.

so, guys, have you ever panicked at a feminine emotional outburst?  how did you handle it?

ladies, have you ever freaked a guy out by losing it?

does anybody know what Twilight reference popped in my head that i avoided using?


18 comments on ““i want a sensitive guy”

  1. Jonathan B says:

    If you want to feel retroactively sorry for a man, feel sorry for my dad several years back. Mom hit menopause and I hit puberty at the same time. So he had hormonally imbalanced in stereo. Possibly the most memorable was the time we delayed a serious Bible study for several minutes by our inability to stop giggle fits over pink angels. Every time one of us about had it under control the other would lose it.

  2. staying single for the win!

    • yeah, well, the fact that women are warm and squishy and smell good will override your fear of emotional outbursts eventually.

      • DUDE YOU JUST GOT BUR- oh wait.

        In the words of my 14-year-old cousin, “Why would i have a girlfriend right now? It’s Christmas!” This just happens to be one of those points in my life where it’s alright if I’m single. And all the warm and squishy and smell good affection I get from my basset hound, and she’s…well, no she is pretty high maintenance, but you get the idea.

  3. Jenn says:

    I have learned to remove my emotional self from the situation before it becomes a relational disaster. With a more calm/less crazy perspective you can then say, this honey is not what you do.

    Case in point – I am life and death afraid of spiders. Yes whatever, I am not hear to discuss my issues. A massive one came barrelling across the floor last night while I was on Skype with the bf. I jumped on the chair cursing. The bugger had stopped under my chair. So my bf thought it was hilarious. I was in tears and he’s busting a gut. The laptop got closed. I got my shit together and dropped my GRE text on the monster. Didn’t really help – damage was done, I was a wreck and he still couldn’t understand it.

    Sensitivity was needed just for a little moment there. He is learning – though slowly.

  4. JBen says:

    My fiance is pretty introverted so when she feels really emotional or upset she goes inward. I actually need to do some work to bring it out into the open. The trick is learning to spot it quick enough and ask what is going on or how she is feeling about something.

    I’m getting better at it. Then the trick is figuring out what to do when it is out in the open.

  5. Amanda says:

    This is fantastically great advice.

    I recently thanked my bf for his stability. Because I’ve been with a horribly unstable dude who cried constantly. I wish I was kidding. COnstant waterworks.

    Being even-keel is hot.

  6. Jenn says:

    I just handed my phone to my Fiance to read. 🙂

  7. Duane Scott says:

    I just gotta say this.. I love the way you write. 🙂

    This is the third post of yours I’ve read this evening, and you’re kinda a hoot.

    In a good way, of course. 🙂

  8. martin says:

    that picture scares me! 🙂

  9. As a sensitive loving guy who has a heart to be passionate one woman man. Verily in truth all my life I’ve maintained my virginity. At my age in my late 50’s wisdom has practically stopped me from looking for that one womanly love of my heart.Maybe someday I’ll find my hummingbird, my Cinderella. I hate de-evolving petty gender wars between men and women who lack this mutual commitment to love their spouse, partner more than themselves. They forget that true love is a total on-going sacrifice to each other.

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