did you ever see that truly terrible movie that managed to spawn 3 sequels due to what i can only assume is men’s fascination with a giant blond alien hybrid trying to mate with them? no? well somebody’s lying because Species wouldn’t have become the 4 movie franchise it is if nobody saw it.
i saw it.
like 12 years later.
but i saw it.
our most recent addition to the Glossary of Girls is that girl. totally hot uber babe on the outside, raging homicidal alien on the inside.
i shall call her Species: the hybrid of horrible.
take all the bad things about every girl i’ve listed so far, mix them up in a batter of emotional decay and bake it up into cake that is greater than the sum of its parts. slap on some fondant and icing roses and boom! beautiful murderess.
there is nothing redeeming about her besides her looks. she’s selfish, she’s hostile, she’s vapid, she’s arrogant, she’s a gold-digger, she’s dissatisfied, she thinks the world owes her for being so awesome, she parks in handi-capped spaces, she feels powerful by making others feel small, she has tentacles that grow out of her back. okay, the handi-capped parking might be a bit far…
she’s a murderer of self-esteem. you know how the Dementors in Harry Potter suck the life out of those they can catch? yeah, she’s like that.
am i dropping movie references like pterodactyl poo? hecks yeah!
there is good news though.
this girl, in her purest form, is rare. someone this absolutely self-absorbed is unusual and generally can only be found on reality TV shows that begin with Real House Wives of… or masquerading as
waitresses actresses/models in LA.
the bad news?
she’s out there, in mass, to varying degrees. she might be funny, she might be intelligent, she might be charming, but just below the attractive surface is a viciousness that rivals polar bears (aka the only mammal that will hunt a man).
- condescension – towards others at first. she’ll come after you eventually.
- values her purse more than people – people are expendable but Louis Vuitton is forever. just ask her.
- quick to anger, quick to speak – someone getting to a parking spot (handi-capped or otherwise) before she does could result in a volcanic meltdown.
- nothing is ever her fault – e.v.e.r. the rest of humanity is busted and she is always a victim of everyone else’s stupidity.
- it is her right to inconvenience everyone – but god help the poor soul that makes her wait for anything.
- she’ll offend you and you’ll somehow find yourself apologizing for it.
my recommendation for dealing with her?
RUN, FORREST! RUN!.
ever experienced a girl like this?
what’s the most selfish thing you’ve ever seen from a person (male or female)?
how was your Easter? Passover?