dear woman?

dear god…

i have no words.

okay.  i have a few.  maybe more than a few…  fine.  i have many many words.  some of them will follow the video.  some of them will stay locked inside my brain because i’m doing my part to keep the interwebz safe for children.

make a note of when you quit watching.  there’ll be a quiz.

this was sent to me by G Fresh.  blame him.  then ask him how he found it.  we all want to know.

now for the bullet points…because i feel unusually compelled to use the word “bullet”.

  • the crazy that exists in all these guys can be seen in the eyes of the dude at 1:19.
  • apologizing for an entire gender?  really?
  • i’d like to punch you in your unconscious psyche.
  • “these guys need to pull their dicks out of their hearts.” – craig  (he followed that up with “i’m helping”.)
  • unforgivable use of footage from Step Up
  • deep connection to Mother Earth?  i can’t grow $#!+.
  • worship my body if you want to, just don’t touch me or speak to me or look in my general direction if you can help it.

i’m going to stop.

your turn.

how far did you get before you stopped watching?

thoughts?  comments?  where did you go to vomit?


24 comments on “dear woman?

  1. Amanda says:

    at 1:11 my initial thought was “Legolas?!” but then I was disappointed.
    at 1:19 I was terrified.
    at 1:25 I laughed at that “charming” smile.
    at 2:08 I had a sudden urge to punch something. Mainly that dude’s face.
    at 2:42 I felt uncomfortable and tense.
    …3:06 haircut, 3:11 haircut (!!), 4:00 eyebrow haircut
    4:38 are you in a bed?
    I was going to stop, but then I skipped ahead and I was completely terrified at the 8:00 mark. I’m going to be hearing “miracles, miracles, miracles” echoing in my head all day.

  2. G Fresh says:

    1. I found it because several of the people I follow on Twitter linked to it in disbelief.

    2. I actually made it about two minutes in before I wanted to punch them all in the throat.

    3. On a more serious note, is it really all that surprising that after a generation or two of men being told by western society that they ARE little better than cavemen; at best buffoonish (see: pretty much every major sitcom after The Cosby Show) and at worst, a rapist who would violate any woman who crossed his path if given half a chance, that some men would take it to the extreme of this video?

    There’s a whole rant here about our failure to let boys be boys, overmedicating our children and the messages we are sending them through our mass media, but smarter people than me have already written numerous books on the subject so I’ll stop quasi-Jesus Juking Sharideth’s blog. 😀

  3. Jonathan B says:

    Well, I managed to make it through the entire thing, only because I’m stubborn enough to do it just to say that I did. I did pause at 56 seconds in to deal with something happenign in real life, but picked it up there immediately after and watched the full thing.

    Some bullet points of my own:

    1) Ability to forgive with grace – Clearly none of these men has ever had two teenage daughters who both wanted to wear the same piece of clothing on the same night. Women are (generically speaking of course) less likely to respond to conflict with open violence, but that’s only because they are on average more likely to respond with long-held grudges and sneaky backstabbing at some future opportunity. Men are more likely on average to beat the snot out of each other right now and forget about it later.

    I am reminded of an incident in elementary school. We had our desks shoved together in groups of 4 (two and two facing each other) for a project, while the teacher left the room. This one kid from the other side of the classroom walked over and started kicking me in the rear end through the slats of my chair back. The first two times he did it, I ignored him, because I was a good kid. The third time he did it, I shoved my desk sideways so I could get out, stood up, kicked him in the shin with all the might I could muster, and sat back down again without a word and resumed working while he limped back to his own desk. He didn’t bother me again, and by the end of the school year we were friends.

    2) Compassionate Justice – apparently, men are responsible for their being jails, because we are not compassionately just as women are. The video fails to indicate what alternative the wisdom of women will provide, but the very existence of jails is one of our crimes.

    3) I note that we do actually throw in a brief blame of women for mistreating some men and thus prompting some of their ill treatment. Of course, this is only when they, like the evil men that these men are not, were “unconscious”. Conscious women do not treat men in ways that upset them.

    4) Men and wars – If women have “started” fewer wars, it’s mostly because they’ve been in charge of nations less. While the woman might not have been the one putting the signature on the “go to war” papers, so to speak, many has been the woman whose whispering in her menfolk’s ear was the start of a fight. And then there are the British conquests under queens such as Victoria as well.

  4. riggs says:

    i had to stop it after the line… “we stand before you today as men (0:10).” it sounded dramatically unreal/creepy. are they selling something? i really hope people aren’t buying it. instead, they should just follow this blog. what else do you need to know?

  5. Ashlee says:

    Maybe its because I go to a women’s college but, even thought I found the way this video was presented to be creepy, I was not completely shocked by what the video said because it is exactly the kind of rhetoric that is regularly used in my school all of the time. It was nice to read this blog post because it is rare that I get to hear a different perspective from the pro ecofeminist,anti- patriarchy, and the anti male hegemony language that is regularly used.

  6. E_Marie says:

    Wow. I stuck it out til the end. I can’t express how terribly uncomfortable and weirded out it makes me feel.

    Also, I’d like to draw your attention to 6:13 and ask what’s up with the cat picture on the wall?

  7. reneamac says:

    Okay. So it was creepy, and there’s lots wrong with it. Agreed.

    But let’s slow down for a sec. Is apologizing in general on behalf of the abuse women have suffered under the hands of evil (not unconscious) men really that awful?

    I found it was actually kind of encouraging to me. (Granted, I only listened to the vid by putting the speaker of my phone to my ear—didn’t want the whole waiting room to hear the creepiness of it all—so I didn’t have to suffer some of the (hilarious) visuals you’ve all described.)

    These guys aren’t apologizing for being men (like you’re all correct in pointing out our society demands men do); they’re simply apologizing on behalf of other men. This is actually rather counter-cultural, except for the whole “If women were in charge of the world there’d be no wars/prisons…” thing.

    Point is, both genders could probably benefit from apologizing for the way each has mistreated the other. In fact, it happens on this blog all the time, just with more sarcasm and less creepiness. 🙂

    The shame is that this effort in gender-reconciliation didn’t come from Christians who are called to be ministers of reconciliation. Instead it came from creepy New Age nutjobs talking nonsense about “unconsciousness” avoiding the real issue—sin nature—still side-steping real responsibility.

    • G Fresh says:

      I’m gonna have to disagree with you. Where in the Bible does God call us to repent and seek forgiveness for something our neighbor did or our mailman’s 2nd cousin’s grandfather did?

      I will apologize and seek forgiveness from those I’ve wronged personally up to and including God, (obviously) but beyond that I don’t owe anyone an apology for anything nor does anyone else owe an apology on my behalf.

      Fact of the matter is, as a fallen human being I’ve been wronged (and have wronged) members of both sexes along with various races, religions, sexual orientations etc., but never once did it make me feel like I owed or was owed an apology except to/from the individual that was directly involved.

      Blanket apologies on behalf of one group of people to another group of people strike me as being kind of asinine and serve to accomplish nothing other than to give the apologizee an undeserved and false sense of well-being regardless of whether it’s Christians or New Agers (or any other demographic) doing it.

      My .02 anyway.

      • reneamac says:

        The Bible doesn’t have to have an explicit instruction—the Bible rarely specifies such things—such a thing could easily fall under the general call to love neighbor as minister of reconciliation. Nonetheless, Christ’s “Forgive them; they don’t know what they’re doing” is an apology/asking forgiveness on behalf of others.

        I understand the kinds of blanket apologies you find asinine; I think we get a little jaded because of, say for example, politicians making such apologies and then doing little to nothing. But I have seen these kinds of group apologies on behalf of others break down centuries-old barriers. I have seen them bring healing, not entitlement.

        So it isn’t about owing or feeling owed. I’m not saying you should gather all your friends and make a video like this. I’m just saying what if there’s a baby somewhere in all that proverbial bathwater? Could it be that we’re so up in arms (and we should be up in arms) about our anti-men society that we see everything through that lens?

        • reneamac says:

          I should add, I love men. I think men are great, and I loathe today’s commercials and sitcoms which make all men out to be morons. So to all the male patrons of this blog, keep being the studs you are.

        • G Fresh says:

          Asking forgiveness and mercy for something that other people are actually doing TO you is WAY different from apologizing for and asking forgiveness for some evils that some members of your sex (or religious group, or ethnicity, etc.) have committed on other groups, but which you had nothing to do with.

          Should Jesus have hung on that cross and asked forgiveness for all of the evils that would be done in His name? (The Inquisition, Westboro Baptist Church, etc.) If not, then why should I, as a man, ask forgiveness for something Larry Flynt did or Mike Tyson did or Ted Bundy did?

          I can point to plenty of verses where Jesus exhorts us to forgive any evils done to us whether our enemies ask for it or not, but none where He asks us to ask forgiveness for something we haven’t done.

          Assuming you are getting the “ministry of reconciliation” from 2 Corinthians 5, that’s just talking about being a witness unto the world. If you believe that offering meaningless apologies on behalf of those who aren’t actually sorry for something accomplishes anything and is covered under that, go for it, but remember that Jesus also said, “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.”.

          There WILL be conflict. I think Romans 12 covers how we as Christians are supposed to act in those circumstances pretty well.

          There’s another of my .02 cents. I think that brings me up to almost a nickel. 🙂

    • Craig Alvin says:

      It is awful because it is sexist. To apologize for all men promotes the idea that all men are guilty of the same crimes. I reject what these guys are saying because I don’t treat women that way. The reason why I don’t is because I have a great father who taught me to respect others. Every day I work to be a decent person.

      People often treat each other poorly. We are human and flawed. Some of us are men. That does not make all men guilty of rape. I am offended that they have tried to include me in that.

      A bunch of dudes can’t just apologize to all of the women for everything that guys have done. The world does not work that way. It’s a silly idea at best.

      • reneamac says:

        That’s the thing. They aren’t apologizing for all men, or I would certainly agree with you. They’re saying what you’re saying, “Every day I work to be a decent person [respectful of others].” Or in their words, “I commit to owning and stewarding a masculinity that honors and celebrates us as equals.” It’s just their words are a little strange to us. They’re apologizing for the “unenlightened” ones who have done these wrongs.

        But I can understand why you feel lumped in with them. As a man in Western society you *are* constantly being lumped in to one giant man-hating pot. And it is sexist. And it’s deplorable. And it angers and saddens me. I truly am sorry our society treats you in this way.

        • Craig Alvin says:

          But those who are enlightened cannot apologize for the ones that aren’t. They are two different groups. One group does not speak for the other. Just because someone has good intentions or a good idea does not mean that we shouldn’t be critical of their larger principles and world view. Also, the video sucked. I mean really…

          • reneamac says:

            You’re right. It can’t be an affective apology; only effective empathy. And we definitely agree that worldview filters everything and the video really sucked. 🙂

    • Jonathan B says:

      I’m gonna agree with G Fresh and Craig here, as well as Bekah’s comment. This is actually self-righteousness, masquerading as humility.

      There’s nothing wrong with having sorrow over people that are mistreated. But apologizing on behalf of your gender is to say that your gender is to blame for the acts, when the real culprit is SIN.

      This is actually a clever one of Satan’s lies. Not merely in the New Age mysticism and “energy” and “divinity in everyone”, but because it allows people to blame “unconsciousness” for their wrongdoing instead of taking personal responsibility for sin.

  8. Bekah says:

    I made it all the way through, but I had to stop and gag about 2/3 of the way in.

    What irritates me most about this view of the world isn’t that it’s anti-male, it’s that this view, while condemning men of the past for not understanding women, “misunderestimates” us in another way. No, we aren’t all witches; no, we aren’t objects to be bought and sold for pleasure, but we also aren’t goddesses. This kind of thinking simply replaces the old one-dimensional view of women with a new one-dimensional view of women. The fact that these men are so very sincere and sanctimonious about their view just annoys me even more.

    That’s my two cents.

  9. Encouragement Ninja says:

    dear woman,

    just wanted to say thanks for your interesting blog! i discovered it when i was reading the witty comments you made on other blogs. so i had to check this out. i’m a fan (but not in a ‘swim fan’ creepy way). thanks!

  10. The people quoted above have said it all for me. I can only answer the original question. Where did I go to vomit? Managed not to, but had to drink half a bottle of pinot grigio to regain my perspective. How far did I get? It took me six tries but finally made it all the way through. It was like watching a video made by pedophilic predators. Creepy was the best word. Nobody asked about an antidote so I’d say watch all the Dirty Harry movies at one go while drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels. If your girl friend or wife will sit through it with you, consider yourself blessed. Mine would!

    Cheers! Carsten Stroud

  11. Jenn says:

    I made it about 20 seconds in and all I have to say is to G Fresh – WHY?!!! did you feel compelled to inflict us with this? Are we not your friends?

  12. heather joy says:

    3:12 – whoOaa. craZy hair! o.O

    3:42 – you’re 83 = no longer cool. lose the earring.

    5:07 – I feel like he should have a lisp.

    7:18 – hobbit/jedi wanna-be.

    post-video reaction = oyyy. *facepalm*

  13. Lordy lordy. I’ve made it to 1:36 so far and have had to take a break to have a shower and wash the creepy-crawling feeling off my skin.
    However sincere they think they are being it comes across as frighteningly insincere.
    And makes me want to hurt them.
    Which is probably not the result they are after, I’m thinking!

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