nobody should willfully hand over his testicles

i have a friend who can’t seem to stop dating the wrong girl.  at least not for long.  they break up.  then they get back together.  then they break up.  then they get back together….

ad nauseum.

i know i made that sound like it’s just one girl over and over, and in a way it is.  apparently, he has a type.  his type is a girl who believes all men are out to get her.  to her, men are all are passive aggressive.  they do not say what they actually mean, so every word must be interpreted by her to keep her safe from being taken advantage of.  men also want to take away her free will and ultimately build a patriarchal society bent on turning all women into shackled chattel wearing Princess Leia costumes (you know the one).  okay, they might want that a little bit…but more importantly, i feel an extension to the Glossary of Girls coming on…

and what does he do when she accuses him of something ridiculous that he never intended?  he hands over his juevos and apologizes.  what’s wrong with apologizing, you say?  absolutely nothing.  when you actually have something to apologize for.

but if you are groveling to keep the peace or because she has lost her freaking mind because you said, “that’s not my favorite of shirt of yours.” and she responds with, “you oppressive bastard.  how dare you try to keep me down by belittling my wardrobe and so hatefully tearing apart my personal choices.”…your manhood is serious jeopardy.

my friend manages to find girls after girl who think all his motives are evil and it is her job to point that out.  all. the. time.  he’s not to do anything, say anything or even breathe in any fashion she might construe as a slight against her.  i’m sure there is some legit neuroses that has made her the way she is, but it doesn’t mean he has to date her.

it also doesn’t mean her behavior towards him should be tolerated or cowed to.  good lord, no.  it’s not doing her any favors and continually rapes him of all testosterone and the will to stand up and pee.  he caves.  every time.  until he gets fed up and breaks up with her.  that is if she doesn’t beat him to it for some trumped up charge of oppression.  it would be so much better for her (and that’s a global “her”) if he sat her down and told her that his desire to have a beer with a few guy friends did not mean he was contemplating cheating on her, it only means he’s thirsty.  or better yet, tell her to get some serious therapy to help her understand that all men are not innately evil and must therefore be crushed and bent to her will.

it’s a horrible cycle.  and i’d love nothing better than to let the air out of its tires.

i know this situation seems extreme and me using hyperbole comes as complete shock to you.  it doesn’t?  fine.  anyhoo…there is a lesson it in for everyone with boy junk.

do not be afraid to defend yourself. if you know you are not in the wrong and you have done nothing hurtful, yet are being blamed for it anyway, it’s time to say something.  if you are being used, it’s time to put your size 10 down on the neck of emasculation.  pull a Nancy Regan and just say no.

men today are told they must always be on the receiving of whatever a woman dishes out, that they are clearly the stupid one in the relationship.  have you seen a family TV sitcom lately where the father is smart and bold?  no.  you haven’t.  the days of Bill Cosby and Howard Cunningham are all but over.  but that’s LaLa land.  this is real life and men sure as shootin’ should still be men.

now before i start getting hate mail from the NOW gang, i’m not saying men should go back to treating women as property and taking away the vote.

not even a little bit.

i am saying men need to be men and not allow women to turn them into kicking puppies or whipping boys.  there is no joy in unequal relationships.  mutual respect is a requirement.  if the girl you are dating is quick to assume you have evil motives and acts accordingly before even asking you what you intended, you’ve got problems.

find your spine and speak up.

be a freaking man.

i don’t even know what questions to ask for comment fodder.  i feel like i’ve been ranting for the last 6 minutes.


how was your weekend?

anybody oppress you lately?


25 comments on “nobody should willfully hand over his testicles

  1. awefullymade says:

    Not lately no… I think I’ve been fairly lucky, to have been single for a year now. Wow… Thats some pretty gnarly stuff, but I know the type of woman you mean, my step mom is like that, in a more domineering I must be in control way. Kinda a good look out for what to avoid. I do have a friend married to a girl kinda like that. I had a great opportunity to minister to her and she didn’t even realize that she was doing it, she was in tears and so upset, and I came to the point, so you didn’t realize ok, thats between you and him for forgiveness, but what are you going to do about it. I think whenever their is sin, or even just hurtful behavior which is not always sin, we need to not cower, not be afraid, acknowledge the problem, and ask the one who needs to take ownership, what are you going to do now.

    Great post.

  2. Andy Griffith. He was smart, funny, caring, brave, and he smoked. Guess which characteristic would keep him from being a sitcom dad today.

  3. Jenn says:

    I will add to the rant, which is beautiful by the way. Being a man and sticking up for yourself needs to be done wisely. Firm tone of voice with rational content at an understandable pace is the way to go, where as screaming, flailing of arms, or even being horrible and hitting is NOT acceptable.

    As a woman, I want to date someone who can make a decision, stick with it, and own his mistakes. You don’t have to know how to build a house with your own two hands but you do have to know how to defend yourself. Me? I can defend myself, but don’t mind if you step in once and a while for good measure.

    • awefullymade says:

      To be sure, but it needs to be done if the relationship will flourish. Any type of relationship, romantic or friendship, is going to get to a point where Godly confrontation is needed. That confrontation is not done out of hurt or anger, but out of love. I love you, I value our relationship, this is a problem, and I want to work it out. That allows the relationship to grow, to become stronger. To go deeper, and deep, meaningful relationships are at the heart of what God has for us.

  4. Of course, it was Bill Cosby who said “Women don’t want to hear what men think. Women want to hear what women think, in a man’s voice.”

    So growing a pair can be done at your own risk as well. Depends on the girl.

  5. Matt Gates says:

    My weekend was good. I got a new, ridiculously large (but inexpensive because I bought it off of a friend who’s wife was tired of it sitting unused in their foyer) TV on Saturday. Finally settled on a garden layout which I need to get final clearance with my landlady, but then it’s grow time.

    Sunday I had a good time at church. Me and the other volunteers are getting to know the kids we bus in and that we’re quasi-mentoring a lot better which is cool.

    As far as oppression goes, none to speak of although I was (inadvertently I’m sure) made into a bit of a 5th wheel on Thursday when a (strictly platonic although I used to have a little crush on her at one time before I got to know her better and realized, yeah…not so much) friend of mine invited me to come out with her and some of her friends for St. Patty’s Day drinks after work.

    Her “friends” turned out to be her boyfriend along with one of her girlfriends and *her* boyfriend. I was hoping for at least one single female in the group, but alas, I had hopped aboard the train to Slightly Awkward Town.

    On the plus side, she bought me a beer and as it was 2 for 1 night I got two adult beverages for free.

    How was *your* weekend?

  6. Amanda says:

    You mentioned balls a lot in this post. That’s great. Men need to have them. Women should have figurative ones too, but the ballsiness of their figurative balls shouldn’t over power the ballsiness of the dude’s actual balls. Balls are what make dudes men. Let them have that.

    Did I cross the line with the number of times I said balls? I have no gauge for appropriateness anymore.

  7. reneamac says:

    You should send your friend my way. I’d be happy to introduce him to what dating a secure woman is like.

    And please us the phrase ‘sure as shootn’ more often. Great post.

  8. I so agree with you. A man that I have to continually say “would you make up your mind please” makes my nuts. The “sensitive man” is another act, and frequently phoney. Would everyone just be real? Like your blog.

  9. kristinherdy says:

    these men go on, sometimes, to date confident and kind women, and then screw it up, because they start things out by being all grovelly and stepford boyfriend because that’s the role they’re used to playing. I’ve seen a lot of good men go down that road.

    • too true. however, curing them of their subservience is going to be a whole lot easier than curing the suffragette (which is what i’ve almost decided to call her). you heard it here first…

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