anyway, one point got me thinking. what? it does happen on occasion. shut up. it was about noticing and being noticed by some sexy thing when you’re in a marriage/relationship. which also happens on occasion. this same subject comes up a lot in my conversations with people, so let’s have a chat about it, shall we?
here’s some facts for y’all about that. i’ll address them to guys even though this is definitely a two way street. that just helps me keep my pronouns straight.
- it is not a crime to feel a bit like a rock star when some hottie notices you. – it’s okay to own it. grin. take the stroke and move on. dwelling on it or going out of your way to make it happen is what you need to avoid.
- you are going find someone else attractive – it IS going to happen. no matter how much you love your most squeezable one, you are not immune to the charms of others. those flutters feel great but acting on it is what will get you into trouble. give God a mental high five for getting that one so right and start mackin’ on your honey.
- talking about it is good. – it’s great even. having open communication about liking the ego stroke of being leered at and/or your appreciation for someone else’s good looks is healthy. it’s when you stop talking about it that it gets worrisome.
- being proud of your girl’s attractiveness is all right, too. – why not? you got to marry her. own it. someone noticing her base hottness is no more threatening than you noticing someone is good looking as you’re walking through TGI Friday’s. as long as you keep walking…
a friend of mine was raised in a culture where, as a man, you are suppose to defend your woman to the point of violence if necessary. he took that to mean, if a guy looked at his wife for more than a nanosecond, he was suppose to intervene and crack the guy’s skull with a chair. he could not get his head around why Craig would just smile and lean when a guy hit on me.
one night when we were all out together, Craig grabbed our friend and said, “Watch.”
i was ordering a drink at the bar and a guy came up to talk to me. he offered to buy me a drink and i said, “that would be awesome. one less my husband has to pay for.” the guy said, “husband?” and i said, “yep” and pointed to Craig. Craig smiled and waved and the guy walked away laughing.
our friend was in shock. Craig and i spent some time explaining to him that his wife is fully capable of doing the exact same thing for herself. maybe even more so than i am. she’s kind of a bad@$$.
so began his road to recovery.
Craig and i also tell each other every time we notice someone attractive or someone notices us. it’s really just about trust. and don’t try to pull that, “i trust her, it’s other guys i don’t trust.” bull. you’re insecurity stems from your fear that another guy could turn her away from you. that’s a decision she makes, not some random dude in a raglan-sleeved t-shirt. just make sure you are both on the same page as far as boundaries.
an easy way to process these situations is to make it a joke between the two of you. take the sting and fear out of it, by diminishing its effect. keeping it out in the open makes it so you are not able to hold it to yourself and obsess over the secret. doing that undermines even the strongest of relationships and instead of being a stand up guy, you become a destroyer of worlds. if you do find yourself all worked up, go home and grab your wife. you heard me.
biology is good. it’s natural and can even be a heckuva lot of fun. all those flutters and giddy feelings…but it should never be allowed to define your morality. master it, make fun of it, make it part of your relationship instead of some shameful “thing” that causes tension.
okay guys. what say you? am i nuts? do you relate? how do you handle the attraction of other females?
girls? how do you handle it?
give me a favorite story about getting hit on.