in case you missed it, the first 21 of 25 things women want you to know according to Men’s Health was yesterday and you should be reading at least the title of this blog in Ron Burgundy’s voice.
today is the last 25 of their list of 50 Things Women Wish Men Knew. but there won’t be an entire 25 because i’m leaving out the super sexual stuff that makes the internet unsafe for those with delicate constitutions or morality.
- If you ask me out directly, I will say yes. – lie. you’re chances improve dramatically, but this statement leads you to believe it’s a fool-proof way to land a date. if you think this is true 100% of the time, it not proofed enough for your depth of fool.
- I’m very impressed when you ask for my advice. – this isn’t bad actually and true for most female types.
- I’m unimpressed with a man who doesn’t take the lead. – this is also true. women still want men to be men.
- When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color. – really? are we that concerned with shirt color as long as it isn’t the color of baby s#!+?
- I want to be Madonna. – speak for yourself. i’m guessing you haven’t really felt Like A Virgin in years.
- I’m in heaven when you hold my hand. – i don’t know about heaven, but i’m probably in a movie theater.
- You’re sexy when you’re: shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby. – this is so true and i covered most of it here.
- I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now. – okay miss crazy pants. chill out.
- Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving. – first of all, who says “moi”? and second, *sigh*, it’s true. gifts for no reason other than being awesome will surely get you jumped. in a good way.
- I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you – and for you to recognize this. – good grief. it won’t happen with that attitude.
- If I’m not feeling loved, I will start looking… – really? i guess for some, this is true. however, a girl of quality will simply tell you she’s feeling disconnected and give you the opportunity to fix it instead of “looking”. she’ll also end the relationship before she cheats on you, fyi.
- Discussion of ex-gf’s and ex-bf’s should be avoided at all times. – ummm, yeah. this is pretty much true.
- I like it when you tell me what you’re thinking, even if you don’t know yourself. – sorry guys, this is true most of the time. i don’t get it either.
- Celebrating our anniversary, even if it’s only been a few months, earns major bonus points. – this makes no sense to me at all. i avoid girls who think like this like the plague.
- I love it when you’re sweaty. – yep. totally true.
- It’s best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas. – …unless i’m a puhsycho jealous shrew, then you’re on your own.
- A lady should always be greeted with kisses. – yeah, that is nice.
- I love holding your bum in the palm of my hands. – almost left this one out, but…
- It’s cheating as soon as you’re doing something with her that you wouldn’t want me to see, hear, read . . . – guys don’t know this? yes they do.
- For the record: I’d rather you break up with me than cheat. – again, guys don’t know this? if they don’t, they should…be shot.
- I remember everything about our relationship. – uh yeah. girls, here’s a secret for you. that wears off. guys, it’s totally true during the dating phase.
- You should know all this and more without me telling you. – ugh and ugh. which is it? you wish they knew or you wish they were psychic?
girls, guys are simple. just tell them what you think and what you like. easy. done. what else do you want them to know?
guys, what else do you want to know?