make sure you read the title of this blog in Ron Burgundy’s voice. the article* i’m referencing is called 50 Things Women Wish Men Knew. i’ve cut some things out because they have to do with the mechanics of sex and
i’m not that kind of girl this isn’t that kind of blog. i’m pretty sure they found a rabid pack of female extras from Bordello of Blood to come up with this list.
this is the first half. it’s too much to process in a single blog.
let’s break it down, shall we?
- Saying “I love you” immediately before, during, or following sex doesn’t count. – it doesn’t? then you are married to the wrong person or shouldn’t be having sex.
- Real men drive stick shift. – okay, i kind of like this one, but the truth is, plenty of real men enjoy the convenience of an automatic transmission.
- I will leave if you lie. – aside from being profoundly vague, this, in itself, is a lie. just wait until a little further down the list.
- You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts). – this….is totally true. nailed it.
- I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear. – i suppose this is true for a lot of girls. do that to me and you’re liable to end up on the flat of your back with my heel in your throat. i’m a little jumpy.
- “Fine” is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look. – yes it is, you compliment digger.
- Most of the time when I fantasize, it’s about you. – what happens with Colin Farrell in the subconscious, stays in the subconscious.
- I’m terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her. – this is true more often than not. results may vary.
- I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you. – i don’t know what kind of emails these girls are getting, but the ones i get from Craig consist of forwarded Craig’s List ads and client contact information.
- I expect you to call me. – oh yeah, and why is that? when is that? is it just to sit on the other end of the phone and listen to you sigh? please.
- Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants. – now this i can get behind.
- I’m scared of losing my independence. – if that’s what you’re afraid of, then you need to evaluate whether or not you had it in the first place.
- I’m more forgiving of you than I really should be. – see #3.
- You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I’m not. – then don’t pretend like you are, you passive aggressive cow.
- If I’m not having sex with you, I’m . . . a.) . . . having a fat day. b.) . . . not feeling “connected” to you. c.) . . . blackmailing you to get something I want. – this would require an entire blog (that i may or may not write) to cover what is wrong with it.
- Shoes determine whether you’re fashionable or not. – ummm, yeah. okay. that is true. sorry.
- I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I’m not afraid to use it. – now that’s just funny, i don’t care who you are. and totally true.
- When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing. – this is good advice, but it’s also a lie. she wants you to deny it. emphatically.
- A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we’re just going to the movies. – this is good. not required, but good.
- You look hot in hooded clothing items. – i had to think about this one. my instinct was to roll my eyes, but as i thought about it…yes. yes, you do.
- You should never tell me what to do. – get over yourself. of course he should. but only when you really need to hear it.
all right. that’s 21 of the first 25. the other 4 i wouldn’t touch with Charlie Sheen’s arm.
girls. drop some knowledge. what would you like guys to know?
guys. any surprises here?