5 ways to say, “let’s just be friends.”

let me tell you why this isn't going to work out....

when i told my husband i was going to blog about 5 ways to say “let’s just be friends”, he said, “only 5?  I’m pretty sure you used about 2 dozen on me.”  clearly none of them worked.

ideally these should be used prior to dating the person you are about to shatter.  once a date has occurred (one that you both understand is a date), it begins to get more complicated.  the friend thing has to be established early, otherwise you’re just leading the other person on for your own selfish reasons.  and when i say “other person”, i really mean the guy.  girls are far more likely to string out the attention they are getting.  they are really skilled at remaining willfully oblivious to real feelings being involved.  once the guy gets to the point of making it obvious, the girl drops the friend bomb.

you know i’m right.

to quote Craig again, “guys don’t invest that much time and energy into someone they don’t want to date.”

i think that’s about 98.2% accurate.

so guys, if you hear any of these 5 phrases (or variations thereof), you’ve been hit it face with “let’s just be friends”:

1.  “i’m so glad there’s no dating weirdness.” – this one isn’t so bad.  it’s pretty straight forward and cleanly slices the jugular of any romantic involvement.

2.  “so what do you think of (insert attractive person of the opposite sex here)?” – this one is the Stealth Bomber of pain.  she asks you about another guy.  probably your friend.  and you are ash.

3.  “isn’t it great that we can just be friends and hang?” – isn’t it just.  like number one, this one have just thrown down the chalk line.  and you, my friend, are out of bounds.

4.  “i’m thinking i shouldn’t be in a relationship right now.” – in case you were wondering, this really means “i’m thinking i shouldn’t be in a relationship with YOU.  ever.”

5.  “isn’t being alone great?” – she’ll launch into some explanation that includes phrases like “finding herself” and “experiencing life”, but the truth is, she’ll date the next guy she’s attracted to.  sorry.

the really awful part, she probably considered dating you then just decided she wasn’t that into you.  unfortunately girls can pivot from interested to friend zone faster than a pit team can change a set of tires.

what are some other ways to say “let’s be friends”?

hit us with your worst “let’s be friends” story.

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19 comments on “5 ways to say, “let’s just be friends.”

  1. heather joy says:

    Hate to admit it, but I’ve used a couple of those before… Eeee. ha.
    but then again, I’ve had them used on ME before too… by guys that is.

  2. “I think you’re kind of ugly.” Pretty much means that she’s not into you.

  3. Once I told a friend of the female variety that I was into her.

    She started crying, said “How could you?!?” and ran off down the hall.

    I think that meant no, but I could be wrong.

  4. Joseph says:

    I’ve personally experienced the business end of #’s 4 and 5. The first time or two, I would get upset when a girl said that to me, then was in a dating relationship the next week. Eventually I learned, though. I also learned that those kinds of girls weren’t the ones I was really after, anyways.

  5. Matt Gates says:

    #2 is the bane of my existence and standard M.O. of most of the women I’ve liked over the last couple of years.

    Another one that I get a lot is when a girl switches from a full on, arms-wrapped-around-so-good-to-see-you front hug to a hey-buddy-I-acknowledge-your-existence-and-general-proximity-to-myself side hug when they start to suspect I’m into them.

    • Chris says:

      This is a wild idea, but saying no to the pre-date hugs might have a better effect; and even if not, at least you won’t feel defrauded afterward. (I use “defraud” in the Biblical sense here.)

  6. Jenn says:

    Number 2 was used as a preface to a really enjoyable conversation on an Aeroflat flight from Moscow to Seattle. I kid you not. D had decided somewhere in the 3 1/2 week trip that he didn’t like me – I didn’t fit his “list” – mainly I couldn’t play the piano and I didn’t want to be an elementary school teacher – both of those in his books were required to be a good pastor’s wife… Anyways, apparently one of my close friends and another team member, M had all this going on, so he wanted the inside scoop on her.

    To be honest in hindsight I wish I would have told him to shove it and find the nearest exit. But I gave my blessing and M has been wanting to kill me because of it since. They dated and it turns out he was a bigger d-bag than I had thought. M and I are still friends – better friends for it actually.

    So on that lovely note, “let’s be friends” statements should only be used when you are not on a 12 hour flight and only somewhere over Iceland.

  7. My personal favorite is, “The Lord needs to give you a good husband/wife.” Of course, the way that we tend to perceive things based on our own predispositions, this can be received as “…such as myself.”

  8. Mike Fuller says:

    “If any guys try to hit on either of us, we are claiming (read:pretending) you are the respective boyfriend.”

  9. Tony Alicea says:

    I spent way too much time in the “friend zone” in high school. I’ll have to say that #4 is the killer. Guys just don’t process that. It’s way too subtle. Guys here “I might like you, just not right now.” If they are interested enough, they’ll wait it out as long as it takes. That’s just jerktacular to do.

  10. Mandie says:

    I once said, “I am in no way attracted to you” several times in a conversation and yet he was still convinced that I was “the one”. There were guys at the table next to us laughing and shaking their heads at him, but he didn’t get it.

  11. Melissa says:

    I told my friend Mike once how grateful I was to have a guy friend I could talk to about anything with, including other guys. In response, he asked me out. Backfired.

  12. jen m. says:

    I worked with a guy that was into girls- I say it that way because he really didn’t seem too particular, if you were female, he flirted mercilessly and tried to date you. but sneaky date, where you happen to end up somewhere, or he invites himself over- never declared intentions (which can be directly dealt with). eventually I had to say “look, you’re a nice guy and I’m glad we’re friends, but we are never going to date.” I’ve had to have that conversation with him about every 3 months for the duration of our friendship. I don’t know how to be more clear- it’s not even ambiguous. now I usually add an “ever” to the end.

  13. Jennifer C. says:

    I recently had to have a similar conversation. I actually asked a young married couple what to do, and the husband told me to tell him point blank that I don’t like him like that and to NOT say I only like you as a friend.

    It was hard, but I did it. Guys, would you prefer that rather than a soft blow? I guess it’s a punch in the gut no matter what, eh?

    • Chris says:

      Punch to the gut, perhaps. But not saying it clearly is a club to the back of the head. You can waste years that way.

      In my opinion, the clearer the better, even though it’s hard.

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