terrible love song breakdown: Muskrat Love

this abomination of a song was written by a guy named Willis Alan Ramsey.  never heard of him?  me either.  but he wrote a song that incomprehensibly made him a lot of money and was originally titled Muskrat Candlelight.  Captain and Tennille released it in 1976 and it has been plaguing easy listening radio ever since.

every time i hear it, i think, “was this guy trying to create a new and horrible metaphor for love?  or did he just see a couple of muskrats getting it on and write a song about it?”

there is an answer.  and it this.  it’s a song about muskrats getting it on. just ask the Queen of England; who was the only one who didn’t clap when Captain and Tennille performed it for her at the White House.  it also “contains synthesized sound effect to simulate the muskrat copulation. This sound was played at the end of the song and included in the end groove of the 45 single, so when the record ended, it played the muskrats on a loop until the record player was attended.”

yeah, read that again.

here’s the lyrics:

Muskrat, muskrat candlelight
Doin’ the town and doin’ it right
In the evenin’
It’s pretty pleasin’

Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam
Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land
And they shimmy
And Sammy’s so skinny

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin’ and jingin’ the jango
Floatin’ like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love

Nibbling on bacon, chewin’ on cheese
Sammy says to Susie “Honey, would you please be my missus?”
And she say yes
With her kisses

And now he’s ticklin’ her fancy
Rubbin’ her toes
Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes
As they wriggle, and Sue starts to giggle

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin’ and jingin’ the jango
Floatin’ like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love

La da da da da …

here’s the video:

this will now be stuck in your head all day long.

you’re welcome.

all right, hit me with more terrible love songs.  you know you want to.

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26 comments on “terrible love song breakdown: Muskrat Love

  1. Nice blog and good post friend..
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  2. Russ says:

    Man, Toni sure sells it earnestly in that video, doesn’t she? I would be a little bit disturbed with wild animals getting down overhead. At least the Captain’s reaction was realistic…

    It’s ironic that you posted this today… I had Copacabana stuck in my head a little while ago for no apparent reason.

  3. Matt Gates says:

    “More Than Words”—Translation: Unless you put out, you don’t really love me. Unfortunately, it has great music and melody so it’s unbelievably catchy.

    “End of the Road”—Particularly the spoken part toward the end:

    Girl I’m here for you
    All those times of night when you just hurt me
    And just run out with that other fella
    Baby I knew about it, I just didn’t care
    You just don’t understand how much I love you do you?
    I’m here for you

    I’m not out to go out and cheat on you all night
    Just like you did baby but that’s all right
    Hey, I love you anyway
    And I’m still gonna be here for you ’till my dying day baby
    Right now, I’m just in so much pain baby
    Coz you just won’t come back to me
    Will you? just come back to me

    Dude, get some self esteem. Also, super catchy song nonetheless.

  4. Joseph says:

    How about “Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw?” by Jimmy Buffett… I know that’s just exactly what every girl wants to hear from their boyfriend or husband.

  5. kristinherdy says:

    I’m horrified, but now, oddly challenged to write a song about hippo sex or something just as dignified.

  6. Anything performed by Jim Nabors (aka Gomer Pyle).

  7. kelybreez says:

    I’m seriously troubled that they sang that whole song, and evidently took themselves very seriously. The whole straight face, like they were actually performing a musical act or something…

    …It kinda shakes my foundations.

  8. I understand crazy people making sucky music. It’s what they do.

    What baffles me if that someone else HIRED them to do it, then mass-produced it WILLINGLY.

    Yikes.

  9. Matt Gates says:

    Oh, and lest we forget, “MacArthur Park”. You made a fine Dumbledore, Richard Harris, but you should have just left that song well enough alone.

  10. “Every Breath You Take” by The Police

    Every breath you take and every move you make
    Every bond you break
    Every step you take, I’ll be watching you
    Every single day and every word you say
    Every game you play
    Every night you stay, I’ll be watching you

    —-
    Yeah, nothing says love like creepiness. Then there’s “I Will Always Love You,” most popularly played at weddings as done by Whitney Houston, but lest we forget, it was originally done by Dolly Parton…for the musical Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. The first lines are, “If I should stay, I would only be in your way.” Exactly what I want to be thinking on my first dance at my wedding reception.

    • worst stalker song ever.

      • Mandie says:

        what about a little Enrique:

        You can run, you can hide
        But you can’t escape my love

        or a little Clay Aiken:

        Whatcha’ doin’ tonight
        I wish I could be a fly on your wall
        Are you really alone
        Who’s stealin’ your dreams
        Why can’t I bring you into my life
        What would it take to make you see that I’m alive

        If I was invisible
        Then I could just watch you in your room
        (skip a few lines)
        I keep tracing your steps
        Each move that you make
        Wish I could read what goes through your mind
        Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life

        Creepy. Just. Ugh.

  11. Jenn says:

    Blood Hound Gang – The Bad Touch. Now I would contend that there is nothing about love in the song, nor was it ever intended to be about love, BUT for some reason there are those who think it is about love. The song actually makes me cringe and I’m not sure if that is just from the lyrics themselves or the fact that is was requested song on my grade 12 grad boat cruise all those years ago.

  12. Mandie says:

    And now for a Canadian boy band gem. I LOVED this song when I was 12. Now that I know what it means, I am horrified.

    Here is the video, because you just need to experience the whole package. Frosted hair and all.

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