how to get slapped in the head by me

now, would i actually slap someone in the head?

yes.  yes i would.

have i?

yes.  yes i have.

here’s how it happened….

a friend of mine flew in from his town to my town and was staying with Craig and i for about 3 weeks while helping Craig make a record.  occasionally he’d stay home with me if Craig didn’t need him that day or just didn’t need him first thing in the morning.  it was also baseball season and he’s a huge Red Sox fan, so we watched the games when he stayed home.  he had a girlfriend at the time, who i had never met.

they weren’t getting along…

lots of fighting over the phone.

lots of long distance neuroses.

it had been going back and forth for about an hour.  at least half a dozen phone calls.

he answers the phone (again):

him:  what?

her:  *yelling*

him:  i’m not at the studio!

her:  *more yelling*

him:  yeah, she’s here.  we’re watching the Red Sox game.

her:  YOU’RE WATCHING BASEBALL WITH HER?!? (this i heard, and you would have thought he just told her we were spooning on the couch)

him:  calm down!  geez!  you need to be more like Sharideth.

i got up off my couch, walked over to the one he was laying on, and slapped the crap out of his pointed head.

boys, i don’t care how much you feel like it’s justified, the best time to compare your girlfriend to another girl is never ever.

now don’t get the wrong idea about his girlfriend.  she may have been acting like an in-patient, but plenty of it was his fault.  by the time i met her, she was terrified of me.  the extremes i had to go to to break the ice and get her to relax were truly epic.

then i had to do the same thing with his sister.

you heard me.

we are all one big happy family now.  some of my best friends.  but it wasn’t without plenty of work.

comparing one girl to another is always going to cause a dating fail.  don’t do it.

you will get slapped by me.

girls:  ever been compared to another girl?  tell the boys about how much that blows.

boys:  ever done this?  did anybody smack you?


22 comments on “how to get slapped in the head by me

  1. Joseph says:

    I’ve only done this in the positive direction, and it’s not much better… The girl I dated before my wife turned out to be pretty much crazy. There was some major drama when we broke up, and it carried over into the first few months that I dated my wife. I spent way more time than was good for my new relationship dealing with the drama from my old one. My wife has since told me that she sometimes wondered if I would ever be able to get this other girl out of my life.

    Thankfully, it all ended well. But you’re definitely spot on about the girl-girl comparison… Never a good idea.

  2. bryan a says:

    As a fellow Red Sox fan I ashamed at the behavior of this moron. Slap well deserved.

  3. I called my wife and ex-girlfriend’s name once. She was very gracious about it (no slapping occurred).

  4. Jenn says:

    It isn’t a jealousy thing – it’s a just have some common sense thing – no one likes to be compared in terms of they are __ than you, or did __ better or whatever – and quite frankly it’s a turn off.

    The guy I like (and has no official title yet) had a long list of things that his ex used to do/can do – she’s crazy talented in ways I am not or ever will be. His insistance on discussing her amazing-ness basically led me to believe that all he wanted was her clone. Turns out that wasn’t the case, but he could have fooled me. So in the wise words of Sharideth – DON’T DO IT!

  5. Matt Gates says:

    I have not done this, but then again I am not a dumbass. 🙂

    I do have an ex who used to talk about her sexually/mentally abusive ex-boyfriend all the time and how even though she loved me, she would always love him at least a little. She got really upset at me and just sad in general when I told her that he was getting married (which I’d found out through the grapevine). That did wonders for my self-esteem. I worked way too hard to try to save that relationship…

    So yeah, I guess I used to be a dumbass. 🙂

  6. kristinherdy says:

    Since my ex-husband’s girlfriend is 2/3 my age, and has “perks” that I obviously don’t have, it is somewhat gratifying to me that he still refers to me as the smartest woman he knows (though he’s not stupid enough to do it in front of her).

  7. Jared Clifton says:

    I didn’t do this so blatantly, but I have done it. I wasn’t slapped, but I haven’t been slapped for a lot of things that I should have been slapped for. I’ve typed “slapped” so many times it’s starting to look like a foreign word. slappedslappedslapped

  8. Mike Fuller says:

    I was once in a situation where several friends asked me if the girl I was talking to looked like a character from a movie right in front of the girl. Before I had time to fully/honestly consider the question, I could tell from her body language that the correct(or at least better) answer was “no.” This post helped me understand why.

  9. jenn says:

    As a teenager I dated a guy for two years that would constantly talk about his ex’s to me and compare me to them. I was too stupid back then to realize that I deserved better. Of course that was 10… or 12ish years ago so I know better now.

  10. Never been smacked, but I think you were justified. It would only have been better if you had a newspaper handy to whack him over the head with like a bad dog.

  11. Chris says:

    Somehow this rubs me the wrong way. From the comments, obviously I am in the minority here, but violence, even in the form of girlish face slapping, never seems to get the point across as well as a good reason. Indeed, the whole slapping scenario has obscured the meaning of the post for me. It seems that comparing one woman with another is bad simply because women say so. Or because it upsets them. While that is certainly a reason to tread carefully, in honour of the feelings of the one you love, if honesty is the best policy, perhaps it is better to get this into the open. Instead of a smackdown, maybe it is better to understand the underlying issue, whether it is in the man, the woman, or both.

    I’m glad it all worked out in this case, and that everyone is a big happy family now. But I’d like to know _why_ this is wrong, and maybe a more detailed blog post would help.

    “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” certainly fits here. But it fits the slapping side too. I agree that comparing your partner with others regularly is demeaning. It is as if you’re not focused on the woman you’re with. But once in a blue moon? Is it “never ever” useful? There are better ways to get the point across, true; but is it really that bad to compare? Is it slap-worthy? With just the above post to go on, I am not convinced.

    To be honest, if I were in your friend’s shoes, I probably would have expected an immediate apology, or the next flight home would have started to look awfully tempting. Perhaps the friendship allowed this level of communication, but otherwise, you intruded violently into an area you had no business entering. With someone else, you might do more harm than good.

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