it’s not me, it’s you

warning:  if you are offended by this blog…good.

in my very first twitter twaddle post i quoted someone who said, “I’m single because every guy I have ever met straight up sucks.” to which i responded, “is it just me, or does that seems highly unlikely?”

it’s something i hear a lot.  or variations thereof, “all the good ones are gone”, “girls are crazy”, “i hate people”…

it’s not true.  okay, maybe a little bit.  but not even close to entirely.

what’s gone is people’s ability to identify the “good ones”. it’s like it got amputated from society along with common sense and Shrinky Dinks.

here’s why i think people have convinced themselves good people don’t exist:

1.  poor life choices: if you keep choosing the same type of person, what do you think is going to happen?  if your “type” is the guy on The Bachelorette that everyone always hates, or the girl who’s best quality is being horrible to everyone, then that’s your problem.  not the world’s.  find yourself an honest friend and ask them why they hate everyone you date.

2.  classic victim: some people just like being pitied.  which is so weird.  it’s like if there’s no drama, they’re not happy.  they tow around a vortex of misery everywhere they go and choose people to date who either feed it or who can somehow be blamed for it’s existence.  so, so weird.

3.  constantly settling: having high expectations but never waiting for them to be met.  ugh.  really?  learn to be content with your own company.  alone is better than dating someone who acts like a Road Rules cast member.

4.  always looking in the same spot: birds of a feather, hang out in the same bars.  stop looking for the nice guy in a sea of asshats.  you heard me.  a pastor told me i can use that word because it’s in the bible.  stop ookin’ pa nub in all the wrong places.  upgrade your hunting grounds.

5.  being a genuinely horrible person: everything that goes wrong for you is everyone else’s fault.  you’re perfect, everyone else is busted.  news flash:  the problem is you. if everyone you meet somehow comes up lacking, the issue, my friend, is you.  not humanity at large.

if you really believe there are not any good eligible people left in the world, you need to reevaluate your dating strategy.  chances are, something you’re doing is keeping them at bay.  i meet decent datable people all the time.  some of them are commentators on this blog.

so here’s the questions:

anything i missed?

are you guilty of any of these? (answer that one in your head, unless you wish to share with class)

do i need my mouth washed out with Irish Spring?


12 comments on “it’s not me, it’s you

  1. Matt Gates says:

    Kind of an inverse of #3; having UNREALISTICALLY high expectations, ie; a long checklist that if a person is missing even one thing off of it, it’s a deal breaker.

    I speak from experience as I used to be one of those guys. My list has shrunk quite a bit to only 3 or 4 would really likes and maybe 2 must haves.

    Also, from a Christian perspective, I’ve known so many women that if the dude wasn’t a perfect example of Jesus incarnate, they wanted nothing to do with him. And guys that if the girl wasn’t the living embodiment of a Proverbs 31 (personally, I’d prefer more of a Song of Solomon’s girl, but that may just be me…heh.) chick, they were much too fast living for them.

    • Jenn says:

      Completely agree – I think for both genders within the Church there are ideal archetypes and somehow if you aren’t measuring up there is something wrong with you.

      I too will confess to a previously long list of “musts,” now it’s down to they must be sane, not a number 2 type person, and of the same faith/life perspective – beyond that if you don’t know what a vaccum is, or how to cook or the know the wonders of Arundhati Roy, life won’t end – we can work on those things

  2. Jenn says:

    First your mouth is fine it does not need to addition of any soap products.

    Sharing time: I know the issue was with me for a long time – the whole find a victim and save him, which resulted in disaster spelled c-o-d-e-p-e-n-d-a-n-t relationships… I have learned though. Learning though does mean being single and I am okay with that given the alternative.

  3. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Sharideth Smith, Sharideth Smith. Sharideth Smith said: new blog post: it's not me, it's you. […]

  4. akarmin says:

    Have you ever casually stepped off the curb to cross a street when a driver turning the corner almost hits you?

    Now imagine yourself as a driver, in a new neighborhood, a bit confused, traffic everywhere. You stop at a corner, about to turn right. You look all around, left, right, left again. It looks clear. You start to move. And then—where did he come from?! A pedestrian just stepped right in front of you and you barely saw him! So, think about it.

    Which person is in the “wrong”—the driver of the car or the pedestrian? Hmm . . . maybe both? It depends on whether you’re in the car or out of it, doesn’t it?

    • not really. according to the law, if you hit a pedestrian at a corner, it’s your fault because it’s considered a crosswalk. if you’re a pedestrian who steps out in front of a car in the middle of the road, it’s your fault for jaywalking.

      blame lies with the one paying less attention or the wrong kind of attention.

  5. Mandie says:

    aw yeah! I miss Shrinky Dinks! Those things were amazing.

  6. Katie M says:

    Both in the distant and not-so-distant past, I’ve been guilty of numbers 1 – 4. In my younger years, I was making poor life choices in general; especially with boys. I remember dating jerks and complaining about every asshole move they made to anybody that had ears just so I could feel better about myself. After getting my life together and letting Jesus do some serious work on me and my heart, I still struggled with settling for broken guys because I was afraid that “good guys” would see something bad in me and reject me. Settling was really a form of self preservation. If I didn’t aim for the best guy possible, then I couldn’t lose him. I’ve been single for a few years simply because I refuse to settle for anything less than what God has for me. And he’s out there. I know he is. In the meantime, I’m gonna be out living my life for me and Jesus….he’ll have to catch me if he can. 😉

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