txt msgs r 4 cowards

asking a girl out is terrifying.  i get that.  but it’s not fatal.  no, seriously.  i promise.  with all the technology available to day, there’s about a zillion ways to make your move.  but, in my book, there are still only two ways that don’t make you look like a jerk or a coward.

1.  call her

2.  ask her in person

boom.  period.

don’t send her a text message, post a note on her facebook wall, or tweet her.

make freaking contact.  it says something about you when you can speak.  use your words and your inside voice.  deep breaths and a lozenge.  whatever.

she’s going to respect the gesture and frankly, (girls, correct if i’m wrong) you’re more likely to get a yes.  you manned up, she’ll take the free meal.  done.

question for girls:

what is the worst way some guy asked you out?

question for guys:

what’s your best success story when it comes to asking a girl out?


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28 comments on “txt msgs r 4 cowards

  1. Katie M says:

    OMG I Luv this post 4 eva!

    But seriously…the amount of times that I have been asked out over text message or email is a little ridiculous.

  2. Matt Gates says:

    This one time a girl said yes, so THAT was cool. :o)

  3. Jenn says:

    Listen men – calling in the day of text message and wall posts is a sure fire way to set yourself apart from the rest. If you need to get her number – fine FB her – but still call for goodness sake.

    I have only known one guy to ask me out via phone call – now granted I wasn’t interested when I had met him at a party the weekend before but that phone call resulted in a yes to going out for coffee and an epic length date that failed when it ended with a side hug – but the persistant ability to call meant he ended up with another date…

    Moral of the story – call and don’t side hug

  4. I had an even better approach.

    My wife and I worked at the same store, and I was her boss.

    I told her how it was going to be.

    And now she’s my boss!

  5. Melissa says:

    And for the love of the dating gods, please make it clear that it’s a date. This mysterious, ambigious, “hey, wanna grab coffee sometime and maybe after like five times of doing this I’ll suddenly reveal that you’ve been my girlfriend for like three weeks?” is annoying. …I need to know how well to dress.

  6. jaye says:

    I work in the computer industry. I’ve been asked out over instant message lots of times, e-mail several times, and phone once.

    I don’t mind being asked out over instant message IF there’s a relationship already in place. (although stopping by my centrally located office to chat doesn’t seem like too much to ask.) A few weeks after I started at the office, I sat at the lunch table with a few people, including a guy who never introduced himself, spoke, or looked directly at me.

    I got back to my desk, and there was an IM waiting for me wanting to know if I would go to a concert that was a 2-hour drive away!

    Context is everything.

  7. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Sharideth Smith, Matt Gates. Matt Gates said: txt msgs r 4 cowards: http://t.co/HS57Onf […]

  8. Joseph says:

    I met a girl in college one time, and as we talked we realized that we knew some of the same people. I told her that I wanted a mutual friend’s phone number, but didn’t have any way to write it down at the moment, and that she should give me her AIM screen name so that I could ask her for our friend’s phone number later when I was at my desk. I couldn’t believe that she went for it. I also couldn’t believe it when she agreed to go get dinner with me when we were talking on instant messenger later that night. That’s right, I asked her out on a date over AIM.

    It worked out, though. Three years later I married that girl, and almost three years after that, I love her more than ever.

    It was a truly redeeming moment for instant messenger for me. The first girl I ever dated broke up with me over AIM, and I almost swore off the whole thing just for that…

  9. jeremymcnair says:

    A bit off topic, but the worst way to break up with someone is through a technological source. I learned that when I ended a relationship through email – definitely not a great idea, though the easiest at the time. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” doesn’t really even begin to describe what went down.

    My greatest success story as far as asking a girl out would consequently also be the lamest story. The girl: Erica, and I had been talking for quite a while, and she wanted to know when we could make things “official”. Not knowing exactly how to respond, I blurted out an unthoughtful, “Uh, I dunno… Now?” And so, the relationship begun.

    Needless to say, it wasn’t the most romantic of circumstances, but five years later and we are engaged to be married in June. So, I guess that turned out to be fairly successful after all!

  10. Erin says:

    This is a hard topic for me. I often trick myself into thinking that “a girl’s gotta take what she can get” and if the only way I’m gonna get a date is through text message, I’m ok with that. It’s not a deal breaker for me.
    But, the ballsiest guys I know find a way to at least call a girl up. It might not be a deal breaker to be asked on a date via text message, but it sure doesn’t showcase what you’re made of.

  11. Mandie says:

    The worst way I have been asked out:
    I was working at a campground office and a camper came in and requested to talk to me alone. He asked how old I was to make sure I was “of age” and he wouldn’t get arrested for taking me out. He then asked me to go out for a drink, while scratching his bare stomach and looking like a creep. Although it was in person, I still said no.

  12. alyssaemi says:

    I was asked out from a school bus window once. He had the bus driver stop in front of my house when I got to the front door. This was in junior high and I did say yes (we dated for a month).

  13. The only time I’ve ever been asked out was over my blog. He left a comment on a post**. I took my laptop to each of my five roommates and said “is he for real?” They insisted I take him up on the offer.

    We went “out” a few times on weird private-Christian-college-group-dates-trying-to-make-couples-to-get-alum-children-to-attend-in-the-future dates** and it was awkward.

    I kept trying to get him to respond to my casual requests for meet-ups so I could tell him what was clear: this wasn’t going anywhere. After NO RESPONSE** over any form of communication (Facebook was even available then) he finally gave me a side hug** and asked how I was. I was ticked.

    A few weeks later I found out he was dating a girl. Then he disappeared from school. When he resurfaced, he had become a deacon at his church, come out of the closet, started a rap / modeling career and later, joined a gay black men cult that was seeking world domination.

    True story.
    **red flags

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