how to approach women – part deux

so that terrible video last week that we thought was serious, then we thought was a joke, now we think is serious again*….yeah, that one.  well, craig and i have been hashing and rehashing the need for such a thing in the first place.  let alone one that is painfully awkward and makes women wonder if there are cameras in their bedrooms.  is it really necessary?

in our opinion**, no.  no it isn’t.

there’s a bunch of videos on how to pick up women/talk to women/creep women right out, but it’s all a gimmick.  does the gimmick work?  sometimes.  the question is, why would you want to start any sort of interaction with a woman being anything other than who you are?  that’s fishing for quantity, not quality.

i’ve actively avoided the how-to-pick-up-chicks topic here at AWGTW.  primarily because that’s not what women are into.  being picked up, that is.  however, women are into being approached.  notice the switch from “chicks” to “women”?  yeah, that’s important.  chicks are into being picked up.  that’s quantity.  women are into being approached.  that’s quality.

here’s the super secret woman code breaker on talking to them….

be comfortable.  be confident.  know who you are.

go buy a package of those “hello, my name is…” name tags and memorize them.  then ask her her name.  follow it up with a “what brings you out tonight?”  or  “how do you know the host?”  and like a miracle, a conversation is started.

“but i’m shy!”, you say?  perfect.  women love shy guys who man up and talk to them.  it’s uber flattering and they will usually help you out with the rest after you say hello.

the point is guys, to get a quality woman, be a quality man.  gain some confidence, get comfortable in your own skin, know your worth and say hello.

look, if you’re new at this or shy or still finding your feet confidence wise, then just remind yourself that talking to a woman isn’t a big deal.  your only purpose in approaching her is to figure out if you can have a conversation with a woman you find attractive.  sometimes you’ll win, sometimes you’ll lose.  but the loss isn’t always your fault.  some women just don’t have a lot to offer no matter how pretty they may be.  if having a conversation is like trying extract blood from a stone, move on.  don’t put so much pressure on yourself to “succeed”.  succeed at what exactly?  this is early days.  this is training wheels for anything real.

to take a page out of greg d’s book of shudders, your “sub com” should tell her you are worthy of her attention.  you just have to believe it yourself.

relax.  you’ll be fine.

what would your “how to approach women” say?

*the video lives.  someone put it on youtube on a separate account before it got deleted.  someone was smart.  or mean.  i go back and forth on that.

**i’m throwing craig under the bus with me on this post.



11 comments on “how to approach women – part deux

  1. Jenn says:

    It is really this simple and this hard – but I promise you’ll get a positive result for your kutzpah. I will admit I have given out a few dates just on kutzpah alone, as a reward if you will – a Pavlov like experiment. Sure they weren’t fun dates and resulted in some seriously awkward huggage but you know what men, despite all that I still give these guys in question serious props for getting my number or giving me their (he was a Starbucks barista – longer story) and then calling and doing the asking on the phone.

    PS. Sharideth I think you need a PDA blog – like how to hug etc – you would think it should be simple – but I swear the next grown man to side hug or straight arm hug (you know the one with widest distance possible btwn the two people) me will get slapped.

    • Matt Gates says:

      YES!!! Thank you. Bad hugs are the worst. Unless you are holding a hot cup of coffee or a deadly snake in one hand, hug me with both arms face-to-face and squeeze me like you mean it. None of this week ass .5 sec squeeze ending with a back slap embrace, overly chaste side hugs or awkward last second quarter turn away from me hugs where I’m going in for the full deal and you change positions unexpectedly so that I end up hugging half of your back and then maybe an arm on the other side.

      Guh, sorry. Bad huggers are a big pet peeve of mine. That and people who come to a full stop at the bottom of an exit ramp instead of speeding up to merge like a competent driver does. Almost rear-ended a couple people that way.

      • Jenn says:

        Thank you! I thought I was crazy about my hatred of the side and the chaste hug

        • Mandie says:

          bad huggers suck! I’m little and hugs have the potential to be awkward, but I’ve had some really great hugs from really tall people. Proper hugging technique is key.

          • Matt says:

            See, not being very tall myself (5′ 9″ if I wear the right shoes), I actually prefer hugging smaller people because I can get better leverage and really give it my all.

            If you think hugging taller people is sometimes awkward, try being a slightly below average height dude hugging a much taller girl, of which there seem to be a plethora here in Nashville. Really gotta be careful. 😀

  2. jaye says:

    I like the idea of the “hello, my name is…?” tags as flashcards.

    The next step would be to write follow-up questions in the blank space below and practice those.

  3. Katie M says:

    Women want a guy who shows who they truly are, approaches them with confidence, and pursues them in a reasonable time and manner. I have gone on dates with guys that weren’t my “type” simply because they didn’t shy away from sharing who they truly are (regardless of what I said or did) and didn’t treat me like speaking to me is the equivalent of staring down a rifle. Be who you are. If we don’t like you, then neither one of us will waste any time. When you are confidently you, then we can be confidently us.

  4. […] few days ago, i posted a blog that ended up with a bad hug rant in the comments.  which i loved.  my readers are leave the best […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s