in my questions for y’all post last week, i asked yous guys what you’d like to see me write about. since the answers were heavily weighted on the dealing-with-the-holidays side, i’m going to devote this week to handling christmas. i thought about waiting until next week to do it, but i’m thinking the sooner the better for some of you.
presents that say, “let’s be friends and not date”
first of all, giving a girl a gift, any gift, will be interpreted as you wanting to date her if she wants to interpret it that way. you could give her socks and Starbucks mints (aka: napalm for your mouth) and, if she’s into you, she’ll think, “he wants me to be warm while he kisses me on my minty fresh mouth.” while you, on the other hand, simply couldn’t think of anything better than socks and you saw her buy Starbucks mints once and figured she was out.
i’m of the opinion that you should err on the side of she’s-going-to-read-too-much-into-this. if both of you are DEFINITELY on the same page about your friendship, fine. get her whatever you want. she’ll appreciate something that took thought and not try to sit on your lap. however, if there’s ANY question about how she feels about you, you need to be very careful. anything that could at all be seen as a personal gesture by you, will be blissfully received by her as some sort of declaration. she may even convince herself that the gift is your subconscious telling her that you feel more for her than you realize.
nope. i’m not joking.
happens all the time. girls are weird like that.
even if she doesn’t come to that conclusion, her friends might. then you’ve got a gaggle of misunderstanding on your hands.
either way, when she finally figures out you don’t intend to date her, you’ll be the bad guy. you’ll be the one who mislead her with your socks and Starbucks mints. lame? unfair? bat $#!+ crazy? yes. but that’s the reality.
since anything you give her can be interpreted as you wanting to date her, i’m going to give some “don’ts” instead. hopefully these will help you avoid the awkwards.
1. don’t single her out – make a list of friends (how long is totally up to you) and buy them all gifts. it could even be the same gift, doesn’t really matter. but if she thinks she’s the only one you bought for, you’re in trouble.
2. don’t buy her anything drinkable or edible – wine and chocolate, or the like, are considered very romantic. don’t do that.
3. don’t buy her perfume – in her mind, this will only solidify your desire to smell her neck.
4. don’t buy her “let’s hang out” gifts – movie tickets, dinner for two certificates, tickets to (insert favorite sporting event here). this will make it way too easy for her to assume that you intend to share in this gift with her. the exception is if you designate it to be used with someone other than you.
5. don’t make it too initimate – proving you know her so well that you can pick the exact right thing only she would love, is like defcon 5 of danger-love zone. you’ve just given her the green light to adore you and expect hearts and flowers next.
i know this isn’t the “buy her rock candy” post you were looking for, but hopefully having some parameters to your gift giving will help you out. keeping a clear intent behind the gift is much more important than the gift itself.
good luck with that.
all right girls, help the boys out. what gift would say, “awesome! we’re friends!” if you received it from a guy?