the runner

oh man.  this is gonna be good.  at least i’m pretty sure.  this girl is a piece of work.  whether she works for good or for evil is yet to be determined.  either way, she’s never boring.

the runner is created the same way tornadoes come together.  two conflicting fronts collide to form a force of nature that is totally epic.  with tornadoes the meso tornadic* storm develops when hot and cold butt heads like big horn rams.  the runner is made when strength and fear slam into each other.  the strength is hers, the fear is something that gets inflicted upon her by a guy, or more often guys, that broke her trust.  and oh boy, did they do a good job of it.

burn units haven’t seen scars like this.

the one thing that defines a runner is the light speed sprint she does from anything that looks like intimacy.  get too close, she’s going to pull a vanishing act.  you will be left with you head spinning and trying to clear your eyes from the dust she kicks up on her way out.

but…it just might be worth it to go after her.

it is highly likely this girl has a heart as big as her brain.  she’s caring and smart and will never cease to challenge you at every turn.  what gets in her way is that her heart has been stomped on and her brain causes her to over-think e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

then there’s the fear.  she’s been so ravaged by other relationships that she is terrified of ever letting anyone that close to her again.  which seems obvious to you and me.  she, on the other hand, doesn’t see it that way.  she chooses to believe she is just being smart.  she has rationalized her fear to the point of it not even resembling fear anymore.  at least not to her.

remember that ridiculously optimistic and forgetful blue fish that sounded suspiciously like ellen degeneres?  you could learn a thing or two from her about how to get under the skin of a runner.  more specifically from the dynamic between dory and marlin.  marlin is the runner; he tries to shake dory every chance he gets.  dory is the one who refuses to be shaken.  relationship advice from Finding Nemo?  really, sharideth?

yes.  really.

1.  “Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you wanna know what you’ve gotta do?” – keep it light.  that’s what you’ve got to do.  the moment you get serious and want to “talk”, she’ll bolt for the door.  your job is to look for “talkable moments”.  she’ll allow them every now again.  but again, KEEP IT LIGHT.  back off when she tenses, make a joke when she scowls.  patience, grasshoppa.  when she breaks a date, say, “cool.  but you should be here for dinner on friday, i’m having movie night.”  even if you don’t have movie night, make one up.  get her back in her comfort zone with a group thing.  give her some line and reel her in.  give her some line and reel. her. in.

2.  “Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming”- dory’s advice to just keep swimming could be the most important key to not only surviving a runner but to also winning her over.  perseverance, my friend, perseverance.  her greatest fear is a guy with no staying power.  you’re going to have to have it and prove it to her.  in spades.

3.  “Ha ha ha ha ho!  I love to swim!” – running just a hair’s breadth** behind perseverance is the attitude you have while you battle the current.  dory is always happy.  pathologically happy.  nothing gets her down.  the runner will make you mad, she’ll frustrate and confuse you, she may even hurt you (though it will very likely hurt her more than it hurts you to do that).  marlin pulled all of it on dory.  your response to this is critical.  smile, laugh, poke fun at her when she rages.  sound crazy?  it is.  that’s why it works.  the runner is use to getting certain responses.  throwing her off by not giving them to her will make her just confused enough to hang around.

4.  “I suffer from short term memory loss…see, it runs in my family.  At least I think it does.” take the whole forgive and forget thing to an extreme.  don’t hold on to and catalog all the things the runner does to try and get you to leave her.  she doesn’t mean any of it.  there is no intent to harm you, only to protect herself.  when she finally gets frustrated enough to look at you and say, “why are you still here?!?!”  what she’ll really be asking is “why haven’t i run you off yet?!?!”  feign blissful ignorance and you’ll have her.

there are ways to get around the barriers, but the runner is not for the faint of heart.  she will throw reason after reason for you to give up on her like a ninja throws stars.  holding up against her testing your staying power will be like taking the bar exam without all the schooling.  you’ve got to be as strong and as smart as she is.  you’ve got to be honorable enough to own a white horse and suit of armor.  and above all else, you’ve got to be brave enough for the both of you.

chances are, she’s totally worth it.

*i lived in Tornado Alley; i’m a better meteorologist than most people on TV.

**terrible cliche that i would have made worse if it weren’t for Matt Gates.

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18 comments on “the runner

  1. Matt Gates says:

    You’re welcome. Being nitpicky about grammar is a surefire way to win over the ladies. Feel free to use that in an upcoming entry. :oD

  2. MichelleK41 says:

    So loving your blogs!

    • you’re required to. you know me.

      • jaye says:

        Hi Sharideth,

        I started to get offended by this and then I had to laugh at myself, because I actually relate to the runner profile. The thing that bothers me about this blog post is that you may be encouraging men who already tend not to take no for an answer to be more stupidly insistent.

        I can see how, if it were the right guy, your suggestions for catching the runner would work, would appeal, would disarm and maybe, win.

        However, how about situations where the runner is plagued by a Dory-like persistence of an unendearing character?

        I know…I know…it must be so hard having to turn a fellow down. But there it is…I keep saying no, at each occurrence getting less patient, and he keeps coming back, trying to talk me into a relationship. In a way, this guy continues the cycle of broken trust in men by continuing to pester and refusing to accept my answer.

        This runner is a little nervous about you encouraging the ‘don’t take no for an answer’ tactic.

        Thanks for your posts, I’ve been reading for a few weeks and enjoying your work.

        • thanks for this response. i always appreciate feedback that questions what i’ve said. it’s necessary conversation.

          i’m hoping that the guys who read my blog are smart enough to take no for answer. no is no regardless of whether you’re a runner or anybody else for that matter.

          so guys, in case i didn’t make it clear enough…you have treat this girl with respect and open hand. no grasping, no clinging and if she point blank tells you she’s not interested, that’s not a runner ploy, that’s the truth.

          thanks again jaye.

    • yourfrostedfriend says:

      I do, too! I’d forgotten just how much.. I’ve spent the morning reading as opposed to battling the gnomes and the dust bunnies.

  3. Katie M says:

    Hello, my name is Katie, and I’m a runner.

    This is me. This is what I do and why I do it. However, I kinda agree with Jaye. I may run from guys, but there isn’t a guy I’ve run from that I can look back and say that it was a mistake or I regret leaving. I agree with you, that the best way for a guy to make sure that I stick around long enough to give him a fair chance is to “keep it light” and not let my fears transfer onto him. (Bees, dogs, and Katie McNemar can smell fear.) Once they show they can’t handle my fear….I am out the door. The mistake that guys seem to make with me is that I let them in a little bit, and then they decide that I am “the one” (because I’m that awesome..wink) and they come after me like I am the last piece of macaroni pizza at Cici’s Pizza Buffett (which is awesome by the way…yum!). It just seems like they are more interested in attaining me (like a prize or something) than they are giving me the space I need to fall for them. If they have their own insecurities or fears about being hurt or abandoned it makes things ten times harder. Even after I tell them that I need space and don’t deal well with things getting too serious too quickly, they act like they understand and agree with me…and then at some point shortly afterward become something equivalent to having a plastic bag put over my head. I feel like I “guard my heart” more stringently than most people that haven’t had their heart whacked to bits over and over again, but at the same time, I feel like I do give people a chance. This is a tough one. I am definitely worth the wait and patience, but I don’t want to be chased….I want to be pursued. LOVE this post (and all of the rest of them….you’re awesome!)

    • hear that guys? i could try to cleverly expand on what katie said, but why? she laid it out pretty clearly. make a note of it.

      thanks katie.

      • Katie M says:

        I’ve had my “runnin’ shoes” on for a long time. I’m unfortunately/fortunately, a bit of an expert. : )

        I think that sometimes guys go overboard because there are lots of girls out there that are clingy and needy. These girls want to talk to their guy on the phone a million times a day just so they feel secure. These girls think that calls at midnight are endearing. This has to be confusing to guys. They don’t know what they are supposed to do. Sometimes the line between pursing in a reasonable manner and chasing after someone that doesn’t want to be with you is super blurry. Lots of women play mind games. Their “no’s” are really “please chase after me with the fervency of an Olympic track star”. All of these romantic movies are confusing too because they plant this idea that if you just keep after a girl for long enough she will fall madly in love with you and you will live happily ever after.

        On the other side of the coin you have guys that are runners. I think that running men create clingy women. And clingy women create running men. We need a nice balance. Everybody stop running and start strolling; stop clinging and start gently holding.

    • jaye says:

      Cici’s Pizza Buffet: YUM. I want to go to there.

      great comments, Katie, I couldn’t have said it better.

  4. Jenn says:

    I would like to AMEN Katie’s comment. I think that the idea of being a “runner” is complicated – I think what Katie is referencing is not the Run-A-Way Bride type, but more the what the hell, you are coming on way to strong, and now I will revert to my playground/childhood response and run the hell away from you.

    We understand you will be oddly complicated – in the sense I think most single women are baffled by how freaking complicated men have become – and we respect that (sort of) but I’m not the holy grail/mecca or whatever I cannot fix you, your mother issues, your waistline, make you feel whole and all that. I may be awesome but I’m not God and even He doesn’t promise to fix all your sh*t. So pursue but don’t be a crazy clingy stalker.

  5. H.E. ELLIS says:

    OH…MY…GOD. This is totally me. I mean, 1000% me. My jaw is on the keyboard and I am practically in tears because I had absolutely no idea. Well, I sort of did. I tell every guy I’m with that I’m down for a commitment as long as they don’t make me say it out loud. The best thing about me is that I’ll never keep a guy up all night talking about our relationship. The worst thing about me is that I’ll never keep a guy up all night talking about our relationship. The second I think I can’t trust someone I’m just gone. Wow.

  6. Michelle says:

    Love how you fully integrated quotes from the movie!

  7. […] do I become like this girl instead of miss insecurity or the runner? I want to be this girl so badly, but I have so many wounds (that I’m working on). Is it even […]

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