Ron Weasley’s guide to getting the girl in spite of yourself

she's so out of his league

in case you’ve been living under a rock, in a cave or are the Double Rainbow Guy, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 opens today.  i’m not a crazed fan who saw it at midnight, but i will be braving the crowds before the day is over.  which makes me only mildly obsessed.  many of the blogs i read have posted about Harry this week.  some have even dedicated the entire seven days to the Chosen One.  since i want to be one of the cool kids, today’s post is indeed spawned from the hormone riddled halls of Gryffindor.  enjoy.

Ron Weasley is a lot of things; hot-headed, brave, loyal, tough, unintentionally smart.  what he isn’t is a romantic.  just ask Hermione.  Ron’s epic obliviousness when it comes to what’s right in front of him is the stuff of legend.  or not.

his ability to do all the wrong things and still get the girl lends hope to the thick-headed everywhere.  he might be a magical superhero, but Ron is still a guy.

1.  “Hermione, yer a girl…” –   Ron says this to Hermione when leading up to asking for advice about getting a date for the ball in Goblet of Fire, the movie.  you know, the one where Edward Cullen gets killed.  in the immortal words of Scooby Doo, “ruht roh, Raggy”.  when he says this to her she hears, “Hermione, yer really a dude but you happen to have different naughty bits so maybe you know something.”  he manages to metaphorically fall on his face without either pain or any clue how he got to the floor.

2.  inexplicable jealously – she his friend, right?  right.  he’s just looking to keep her safe from other schmucks who might take advantage of her, right?  right.  like his sister, right?  right.  oh Ron.  Ron Ron Ron.  you’re such a moRon.  you, my imaginary friend, need to re-examine why you get so inordinately furious when another dude so much as looks at Hermione too long.

3.  less than blissful ignorance – Ron manages to make it through 6 whole books pretty much completely unaware of his feelings for Hermione.  and certainly completely unaware of her feelings for him.  but it got him into trouble.  he was forever hurting her feelings or ticking her off.  or both.  then he’d sit there baffled as she stormed off.

4.  bickering – if Ron wasn’t trampling Hermione’s teenage feelings, he was picking fights with her.  he delighted in annoying her and making fun of her desperate need to always be smarter and right…er.  why did he do this?  i have a theory.  fighting is passionate.  and Ron is passionate about fighting.  i think his subconscious was acting out to get a reaction from Hermione.  however, it wasn’t the right one.

5.  lavender brown*dating the girl most unlike Hermione should have been the nail in his coffin of love.  this was the height of his rampant obtuseness.  of course she drove him nuts, which is what he gets for thinking with his snogger.

Ron should have done irreparable damage to his chances with Hermione.  but miraculously, he didn’t.  now whether it was her loyalty and frustrating devotion that won the day or his 11th hour timing, it’s hard to say.  what it’s not, is fiction.  relationships like Ron and Hermione happen all the time.  one person is mad for another and the other is totally ignorant.  the “just friends” thing gets sticky.  but it can work out.  and when it does, it’s quite likely to have a happily ever after.

now a word to Rupert Grint**:

Dear Rupert,

When you are interviewed, please stop saying that kissing Emma Watson was like kissing your sister.  She is a hot girl who is way out of your league and not your sister.  You know you liked it.

Sincerely yours,

that chick who writes that blog

*she’s too annoying to deserve capital letters

**whose name is way better than anything J.K. Rowling ever thought up

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9 comments on “Ron Weasley’s guide to getting the girl in spite of yourself

  1. Matt Gates says:

    Not to get picky, but her name is lavender brown*. ;oD

    *Name left uncapitalized to protect the indignant

  2. Jennifer Harrall says:

    “that chick who WRITES that blog”

    LOL Sorry, I had to. Mostly because I have no idea what this blog is about.

  3. Jennifer Harrall says:

    Nooo, I read your blog everyday (or whenever you write one). I love it!

  4. Tyler says:

    Fantastic. I always said my fictional equvilants were Ron and Seth from the oc.

    Yes, Emma is way out of his league. Although he’s much less awkward looking than Radcliffe.

  5. Dayanara Barrozo says:

    i don’t know why some people say that Hermione and Harry is a better love team not you and Hermione…
    but me, i think Hermione And Ron is a better couple. I mean the best couple!!!

  6. […] Ron Weasley’s Guide to Getting the Girl In Spite of Yourself – by […]

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