“he should just know!”

okay, this freaks me right out.

girls have this weird thing they believe.  “just one”, you say?  no, but this particular thing is more or less unique to females and has 93% of all men convinced that russian roulette is more fun and less dangerous.  93% is a scientific fact, not a number i made up.  i’m pretty sure.

girls think guys should/can/will read their minds.  for whatever reason the fairer sex is convinced that every guy they date is/should be/better be psychic.  which is neither fair nor sexy.

having the correct plumbing does not make me an expert on why they do this.  but since “beats the hell out of me” isn’t the answer you’re looking for, i’ll take a stab at it.

1.  “he knows what he did” – news flash, chica.  no he doesn’t.  you’re in trouble with your girl, this you know.  toe tapping, folded arms, lack of eye contact, excessive use of the word “fine”.  the signs are clear.  what can often be a mystery is why she’s so put out.

2.  “he should know what i want” – uh huh.  yeah.  how is he suppose to know that?  this usually applies to gifts.  for some guys, this one is easier than others.  but that all depends on your varying degrees of obliviousness.  however, no matter how right you think you might get it, asking her what she wants could result in tears and fury.

3.  “nothing” – you know something’s wrong.  she’s making it clear there’s something wrong.  but when you ask her, she says, “nothing”.  that word should come with an “unstable explosives” warning label.  “nothing” always means something.  what “something” means is anybody’s guess.

4.  “i shouldn’t have to ask” – this is a field of land-mines.  it could be referring to anything from the sink needs fixing to noticing the 3 millimeters she had cut off her hair to the desire for you to compliment her new pair of True Religions that absolutely do not make her butt look big.

i’m sure there are so many more, but in reality, they all boil down to the same thing.  “he should just know!”  why do they think this?  here’s my best guess:

they think that you should be devotedly observant and concentrating so hard on their every clue and nuance that you develop some super secret love power that enables you to understand their every whim and thought.

oh yes.  it’s crazy.  no doubt about it.

there’s really only one solution to this madness.

you’re going to have to ask her.

and you are going to have stand your ground in getting an answer.

let her know that you really want to help/get it right/understand what you did…whatever…but that she’s going to have to communicate with you.  being self-deprecating wouldn’t hurt either.  a little “have some pity on me, i’m just a guy” could go a long way.

the only time you should let it go, is on the “nothing” thing.  all you need to find out is if it has anything to do with you.  if it does, make her talk.  if it doesn’t and she just wants to be inside her own head for a while, let her.  she’ll talk if she needs to.  god knows…

you, my friend, are not James Van Praagh.  do not feel guilty for getting it wrong if she won’t tell you how to get it right.

and girls, every time you think to yourself, “he should just know!”, you will hear my e-voice inside your head saying, “uh yeah…no he shouldn’t.”

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14 comments on ““he should just know!”

  1. Jenn says:

    No hate mail from me I completely agree with what you have said. I will say though that sometimes men need a filter – I went on a date with a man who newly Christian thought that he needed to share personal details with me, as some kind of act of confession. While I appreciated that he was open with his chronic infidelity – a part of me was wondering why he wasn’t reading my brain at that moment. Just pause and think about it dude, what would I be thinking right now? Yes thanks for the heads up on your wandering ways but seriously. I’ve had other dates like this giving me the run down on their daddy issues. Then again maybe it is a really really good thing that they cannot read our minds.

  2. Matt Gates says:

    I always just answer “42” and hope for the best…

    …there’s probably a reason I’m still single… :oD

  3. so true. you won’t be receiving any mail from me either!

  4. Dino says:

    Before I got married, in pre marriage counseling, the pastor told me there were 5 words that would get me through the rest of my life, with ease… they were “I’m sorry, you are right.”

    Of course, I did not take his words of wisdom to heart, according to my now ex-wife.

  5. bryan allain says:

    Erica and I have talked through this before and she admits that there’s a romantic element to not having to ask me. We basically agreed that if she wants me to do something, it works out like this:

    If you want the romantic feeling of having me do something for you without asking, expect to get it 1 out of every 20 times because I’m not a mind reader (and savor that 5% when i stumble into doing something right)

    If you suggest that i do something, there’s a 50% chance I’ll do it.

    If you ask me to do it, and I’ll probably do it 75% of the time.

    If you REALLY want me to do something, ask me to do it and tell me when you want it done by, and I’ll make sure it’s done almost every time.

    Moral: The more you treat it like a task (with a deadline) instead of romantic wish fulfillment, the better chance there is of it getting done.

    • and there it is. this how marriages survive, people. my husband sent me a text yesterday from about 10 states away to let me know he knows i miss him because he read my mind. after reading my blog.

  6. Tyler says:

    It’s amazing how well you can read someone after you’ve been with them long enough. Back in the high school, I had no idea when girlfriends were mad at me, and 90% of the time I didn’t care. Now that I’m married, I’ve found that I am much more concerned with not P-ing her off (p is for make mad).

    I also love that you capitalized True Religion jeans but nothing else. I’ve felt the sting of their price-tags and I think that capitalization is appropriate.

    I really enjoy/take-to-heart your advice. Thank you. The check’s in the mail.

  7. so true. after almost 18 years, craig and i can read each other like the proverbial book. it’s easy for him though since my every thought is on public display and can be defined in 140 characters or less.

  8. […] You should know all this and more without me telling you. – ugh and ugh.  which is it?  you wish they knew or you wish they were psychic? […]

  9. […] some more clarification, then read this older post of mine called “he should just know!”  pay special attention to Bryan Allain‘s instruction in the comments […]

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