but he’s got a great personality

last night craig and i went out to shoot some pool.  as we walked in, there was a bee-ute-tee-ful girl playing darts with a rather plain looking guy.

but she was totally into him.

craig said, “how does a guy like him, get a girl like her?  i see it happen all the time.”  then he answered his own question.

“he sold himself well.  too many guys sell themselves short.”

i think he’s absolutely right.

if your mom sets you up on a blind date and uses the phrase “she’s got a great personality”, you start envisioning at best, a dead front tooth, at worst, something that looks like she just crawled out of the ground in the Lord of the Rings.  the Darth Vader theme plays in your head and you start hoping that you come down with a solid case e coli.

not so much for girls.  a great personality gets us every time.  i touched on this in “funny – good.  testosterone – bad.” but i’ll expand on that thought in list form.

that’s what i do.

1.  don’t assume you’re out of her league. even david spade got nicky whelan.  and jillian grace.  and heather locklear.  he probably made them laugh.  at what is the question.  it’s not that a pretty girl doesn’t have high standards, she does.  but her value system is just weighted differently than you might think.  she is going fall hard for the average looking guy who actually wants to know more about her than what her face looks like or her bust size.  if you’re a decent guy, give yourself some credit.  you’re who she’s looking for.  though i’m not really sure any of this explains david spade…

2.  don’t hit on her, talk to her. pretty girls get hit on lots, but are rarely ever approached with the intent to engage.  you’ll surprise the crap out of her if you just offer some good conversation and show a sincere interest in who she is as a person.  girls love to talk about themselves.  a quality girl will enjoy answering your questions about her then turn it around and ask some of her own about you.  you don’t have to spill your guts, just be honest.  her BS radar is probably fine tuned.

3.  make her laugh. lordy, that sounds like an overused cliché.  probably because it is.  doesn’t make it any less true though.  girls love funny.  it displays a certain level of intelligence.  it’ll charm her socks off.

4.  know your own worth. if you value and respect yourself, she will too.  girls love confidence.  that doesn’t mean you have to be the boldest guy in the room, though it certainly doesn’t hurt.  you can be on the shy side and still have a healthy dose of self-esteem.  bold is attractive.  shy is endearing.  either way, if you respect yourself and expect the same from others, you’ve got her.

fear of rejection holds most guys back from approaching a girl.  which is kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.  like bears, girls can smell your fear.  but they usually don’t have to.  the terror is right there on your face.  it makes everyone involved uncomfortable and awkward.

so relax.  smile.  engage.

it works.

i know a couple, she’s gorgeous, he looks like a troll doll.  they’re happily married.  he’s got a great personality.

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8 comments on “but he’s got a great personality

  1. Jenn says:

    I completely agree! Or you can ask her for help, most ladies like helping people. I love to cook and read books everyone knows it, so a guy who hits up one of those with genuine interest has my attention, well those topics or hockey. I think men need to be reassured we are human, so approach us like that and it will all be fine. Sure you might be rejected in the end but it will be less dramatic and less public than a drink to the face when your misogynistic pick up line fails

  2. You’re right. It totally worked for me, I look like a slug and I landed a beauty. 25 years later I still can’t believe my good fortune.

  3. Matt Gates says:

    #2 always stymies me. I don’t possess any of the required smarminess for hitting on women (as seen on TV) so like you mentioned, I talk to them because I genuinely am interested in them as a person. Somehow, however, this often turns into a therapy session where she spills her guts about everything (mostly the bad stuff) that’s going on in her life and I’m slightly alarmed at the turn of events because I just wanted to exchange pleasantries and maybe get to know her better.

    This happens when my guy friends talk to me as well so whatever kind of Dr. Phil mojo I’m unintentionally emanating is apparently gender neutral. (I’m not a counselor of any kind, btw.)

    I would like to figure out how to turn this off because it gets really frustrating to be categorized almost immediately into the dreaded “friend zone” because I guess I’m a good listener? Which makes zero sense to me, but it happens a lot so I don’t think I’m imagining things.

    • apparently you and i wear the same sign that’s invisible to us but glows in neon to everyone else. “I’M EASY TO TALK TO! TELL ME YOUR LIFE’S STORY!”

      i wish i could tell you how to fix it. i’m still trying to figure it out. if i had to guess, at some point we ask a question or somehow invite confidences that we never intended. 😉

      in the mien time…

      do your best to keep control of the conversation. ask specific but safe topic questions. redirect if you feel like it’s going somewhere you’re not comfortable with. and feel free to keep it short if it’s a first conversation. leave her wanting more from you and set up a time to give her more of your attention.

  4. Matt Gates says:

    I guess. I imagine it says something like “Psychiatric Help 5¢”. 😀

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