recently i was out with a bunch of friends for a birthday party. my friend, the birthday boy, is kind of a big deal. he should have a cape. another one of our friends was allowed to come to the get together for a bit, but his girlfriend wanted to go home early and he wasn’t given a choice about coming back. when she was done, he was done. she’s a homebody who turns in early. he has a life where nothing really even gets going until after 9pm. if he didn’t go home and stay home, there would be drama. he was clearly bummed and resentful. not good. compatibility fail.
can a homebody and social butterfly coexist? sure. as long both are comfortable with letting the other person do their thing without feeling snubbed. resentment can be a bitch. literally.
if you are finding yourself at constant odds with your girl because of opposing lifestyles, this is a deal breaker. feel free to correct me if i’m wrong (which i’m probably not), but if she’s thinking about this, it’s in terms of “he’ll come around after we’re married”. you, however, being a dude, have no intentions of doing that. ever. which is fine. staying you and finding a girl who digs that is not only desirable, it’s advisable. unless of course you’re an immature slacker. but that’s something i’ll be talking about on the girl version of this blog when i get around to it.
total rejection of the stuff that makes you the guy you are (friends, entertainment, schedule) shouldn’t be a requirement for a relationship. if you’re in that situation, ask yourself why you’re willing to allow it. compromise is great. do that. there’s nothing wrong with some give and take. but complete abandonment of the things you enjoy is not a healthy relationship, it’s a dictatorship. you need to find someone who accepts your lifestyle and is willing to let you stay you. it’s all right for you to love football and lose your mind with your buddies every sunday. what’s not all right is for you to tie yourself to someone who thinks because she’s not into it that you shouldn’t be either and causes drama.
the truth is, you do not have to find someone who is exactly like you. how boring would that be? craig and i can count on one hand the number of things we have in common: faith, upbringing, children, muscle cars and shooting pool. that’s it. other than that, we’re built backwards. i hate to shop; he nearly breaks out in hives if we have to pass a garage sale without stopping. i love football; sports bore him to tears. i dance; he’s a nazarene. he’s quiet; i talk enough for any 3 people. i show up early; he’s fashionably late. he’s a musical genius; i openly admit to liking to nickelback.
my friend, athena, once said to us, “i want a relationship like yours. you guys agree on everything.” once we finished laughing ourselves sick, we told her that we have almost nothing in common. she was shocked. she had always believed that she had to find someone who was her in male form. emotional, romantic, sensitive…
she married a cop.
and they’re stupidly happy.
it’s not about finding your doppelganger, it’s about being with someone who gets you and doesn’t need you to tow her line. freedom is a much stronger bond than being bound and gagged.