she’s not your mother and you shouldn’t want her to be

here’s some questions for you:

can you cook a meal, any meal?

can you do your own laundry?

can you put your socks in a hamper?

can you load a dishwasher?

can you wipe down a sink?

if you said yes to all of these, awesome.  you’re like the fantasy guy from those Pine-Sol commercials.  just keep it up even after you put a ring on it.

if you said yes to only a couple of them, no worries, you’re still ahead of the game but keep reading.

if you said no to all of these, this blog is for you.  time for home-ec, my friend.

you’re mother may have never required you to lift a finger but do not expect the same from anyone else.  especially not your girlfriend.  a friend of mine did everything for her sons; including cleaning their rooms and making their beds every day.  the oldest went away to college and was honestly confused about why this service wasn’t provided in his dorm room.  he ran out of clean clothes and would’ve starved to death if it weren’t for the cafeteria.

fortunately he had a roommate that taught him how to man up and separate his whites from his colors.  he also began to pick up after himself when his roommate started putting all my friend’s dirty underwear and socks in a pile on his pillow.  he learned.

here’s a secret for you.  women like men who can take care of themselves.  it’s impressive.  it is also true that we like to do things for you as a show of affection,  but not because it’s necessary for your survival and hygiene.

another secret?  that girl you dig, who is full of sunshine and rainbows, will go from honey to hostile in a nanosecond if you compare her to your mother.  do.  not.  do.  this.  totally unfun.  besides, you will firmly plant yourself in the momma’s boy category, and that is not attractive.  to anyone.  except your mother.

for those of you who need some help with feeding yourselves and maintaining a drawer full of clean socks, listen up.  i seriously considered writing a tutorial on laundry and a spaghetti dinner but hit the delete button.  instead, make one last use of your mama’s boy status.  go ask your mother.

she’ll be shocked and delighted and will swear to never tell anyone that she just taught you how to load a dish washer and make salad from bag.  you can then put your new found skills to use and impress the female of your choice.  trust me, being able to do these things for yourself will serve you well in ways you have yet to conceive of.  especially if you do them for your girl without being asked to.  you’ll thank me.

off you go.


2 comments on “she’s not your mother and you shouldn’t want her to be

  1. Jenn says:

    I cannot stress how sexy/attractive/appealing it is to have man who can take care of himself. The ability to cook a good meal (ie. not Kraft Dinner) and clean up after yourself is gold, pure gold in the world of single man-children – seriously it is better than flowers. Flowers are lovely and you should still give them but to have a meal made for me is huge. As a single woman who loves to cook and is slightly OCD when it comes to cleaning, there is not a chance in hell I will date nevermind marry a man child, especially one that can’t cook or clean. Sorry boys but like the smart lady said, I am not your mother.

    • Jennifer C. says:

      Yeah. I was playing Apples to Apples. I had the green card, and the word was sexy. Someone jokingly threw down ‘doing the dishes’. I picked it. All of the guys in the circle made fun of me.

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