don’t. just…don’t.

she's hawt but she's evil

a guy I know did a 6 year long stint in Hades with a girl who systematically emasculated him, then cheated on him after they got engaged.  she was like a perfect storm of horrible.

fast forward a year and he’s sitting in a bar desperate to send a second text message to a girl to make sure she got the first one.  the only thing standing between him and complete annihilation of his manhood is the fact that a buddy took his phone away.

let’s break this down, shall we?

six years of abuse and degradation and the idiot still asked her to marry him.  she cheats while they’re engaged and it takes him a year to start dating again.  seven years of his life, gone.


he’s needy.  he abandoned his pride and his own identity in exchange for the proverbial dangling carrot.  “i love you.  maybe i don’t.  you should buy me that, then i’ll love you more.”  yank, dangle, yank, dangle.  the self respect meter has totally bottomed out.  his desperation to get a response to his text and busted meter were only going to land him the emotional equivalent of expendable in From Dusk Til Dawn.

time for confidence 101.

there’s a very simple way to avoid soul sucking vampires like my friend’s ex-wretch.  know your worth.  the public at large and women specifically, will value you at whatever price tag you put on yourself.  are you Armani or Men’s Warehouse?  nobody can say but you.

it’s only when you cease to need her that a girl of quality will appear.  a girl of worth wants a guy who is worthy.  know who you are, become content with that and gain respect by respecting yourself.

so feel free to send that first text.  then let it go.  if she gets back to you.  great.  go get dinner.  i hear Hooter’s has great wings.  kidding.  don’t go there.  if she blows you off, her loss.  you’re time is valuable and so are you.

notice that i used vampire analogy without a single reference to Twilight?  you’re welcome.


7 comments on “don’t. just…don’t.

  1. Jenn says:

    I don’t know how to thank you for articulating this issue. I’m not sure why but for some reason this generation of men seems to be acutely prone to this issue of pacisfist dating/weak self-esteem/insecurity. Maybe it’s because men know we don’t “need them,” if Ms. Aniston’s current movie is any example. The problem is men, we want you, we want different things sure, but as a whole we are look for someone we can lean on rather than push over. I can’t count the number of times I have wanted to say to a guy you would be great, have no problem getting me or another girl if you just bucked up and got some self-esteem – ie. know your worth, because I’m not here to tell you what yours is. My ex-fiance was an acute case of this, the neediness was part of the ex-ing.

  2. Corrie Phillips says:

    Good advice! Masculinity is an awesome and much needed force in the world. Silly, selfish women can’t be allowed to chuck it out the window.

  3. Normally, I see this behavior in women. It’s hard to believe that people have that difficult a time figuring out when someone isn’t “into” them.

  4. […] 5.  slow and steady can bite me – slow and steady is great when you’re developing a relationship.  but when it comes to recovering your own identity after a breakup, the sooner the better.  the faster you remember who you are and your own value, the quicker the healing takes place.  if you find that’s hard to do, apply the same principles in number 1 or read this. […]

  5. Nice. “She’s just not that into you.”

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